Whole Lesbian Sex
Get It How You Like It: Tips for Receptive Cunnilingus

Felice Newman,

Sex guides often focus on how to give pleasure rather than how to receive it – the assumption being that if you know how to lie on your back, you're a pretty good candidate for getting off on a regular basis. Remember when sex educators referred to the "active partner" and the "passive partner"? That tired notion was laid to rest by the Good Vibrations Guide to Sex more than a dozen years ago. Receptivity, as good bottoms know, is anything but passive.

And it's a given that no self-respecting lesbian would ever turn down her partner's willing mouth, right? Not necessarily. For the record, not all lesbian and bisexual women enjoy receiving oral sex.

Some women don't put cunnilingus at the top of their list because they don't get enough intense, direct stimulation from their partner's tongue to reach orgasm. But you don't have to reach orgasm from cunnilingus. You can enjoy the sensation, and when you want to come, you can switch to some other form of stimulation that does the job for you – like your girl's fist inside you, for instance.

Yet many women say oral sex produces the most intense, toe-curling orgasms. And those whose clits are especially sensitive may respond to the subtleties of a tongue more readily than a hand or vibrator.

Here are some tips for experiencing heightened pleasure in receptive oral sex:

Move. Sure, sometimes you'd like to offer up your body as a canvas for her talented tongue. But other times you might enjoy meeting her tongue with thrusts of your hips. Tell your partner you'd like to experiment with sensation through your movements. You can vary sensation by pushing your clitoris into her mouth or pulling away. You can move with her movements or counter her movements (which is an effective way to slow things down or speed them up).

Choose your position according to what kind of sensation you like. If you lie on your back (or sit in a chair) with legs spread, your genitals will be stretched out, providing a wide surface for your partner's sweeping licks, from vaginal opening to clitoral hood.

You can sit on her face (actually kneel or squat). In this position, you have the most control. You can grind into her, pressing your whole vulva into her face. You can also hover just out of reach and make her earn her treat. In this position, your clitoris and labia hang down and can be sucked into her mouth. You can intensify the sensation by asking her to nibble gently on your tender flesh.

If you're into dominance and submission, try having your submissive kneel at your feet while you furiously ride her face. Mixing genital sensation with a heady dose of power is a unique pleasure.

Join in. You can hold your lips open for your partner and simultaneously hold a dental dam (or other latex barrier), freeing up her hands. Or you can take your girlfriend's head in your hands and put her face exactly where you want it. You can grab a vibrator and stimulate your clitoris as she reaches her tongue as far as possible inside you.

For many dykes, getting head is their favorite way of, well, getting some. They like nothing better than the sensation of lips and tongues on their most sensitive parts. As one woman told me, "I�m bisexual. I've had both female and male lovers tell me that they weren't into oral sex, which was my cue to tell them to get out of my bed!"

Felice Newman is a founding publisher of Cleis Press and the author of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us. She can be reached at Visit her at

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