Whole Lesbian Sex
Body Mechanics for Determined Sapphists

Felice Newman,

Does your neck hurt when you go down on your girl? Does a wild fuck with a strap-on leave your lower back aching? Does your hand get fatigued or cramp up at just the wrong moment? If you have a repetitive stress injury or chronic neck or back pain, partner sex – and even masturbating – can make you feel like you have to pay for your pleasure with hours of (nonconsensual) pain. And that's really frustrating.

Vibrators can help – or they can aggravate a mean case of carpal tunnel syndrome. Try using a vibrator you don't have to hold in your hand, such as a strap-on butterfly vibe, an insertable egg vibe, or a vibrating butt plug held in place with bondage tape. You can grip a Hitachi magic wand between your legs or nestle it between you and your partner.

Spare your lower back during strap-on sex by inviting your girl to sit on your lap and bury your cock deep inside her. She can pump up and down on your tool while you sit in a chair. Or you can prop her up with pillows or a foam wedge and stand at the edge of the bed with her legs wrapped around you – though for some, this position may still be a strain on the lower back.

Pillows and foam wedges can be really helpful during oral sex, too. A company called Liberator Shapes sells a high-density urethane core wedge that slopes upward to support your partner's hips and butt, raising her vulva closer to your mouth.

Get your girl off her back – she can straddle your face as you lie prone. Let her thrust into your mouth in her own rhythm. (Don't forget to keep your knees raised to take the strain off your lower back.)

Make sure she's well warmed up with other activities before you put your neck between her legs. Slip a finger in her butt, tweak her nipples, or pull her over your lap for a spanking. Then observe her body's cues – moans, rocking hips, breathing.

You don't have to go down on your sweetie for hours. You can use your fingers to supplement your mouth. Or use your lips and tongue to supplement your hand. You can offer her a vibrator or bury your fist inside her vagina to bring her to orgasm.

If you get a crick in your neck during oral sex, perhaps you're holding tension in your neck during other activities, too. How does your neck feel during the rest of your day? For instance, do you get a lot of headaches? Grind your teeth? If you tense up your hand while masturbating, how are you on the computer keyboard?

We are creatures of habit, and there's no reason to think that we'd leave our patterns of bodily tension at the bedroom door. Our lives mold us – literally – and I don't mean just what size jeans we wear. How we hold our bodies as we move through our ordinary activities is shaped by our life experiences. Those patterns can be broken. You have some choice here. You can become more aware of the things that you do that produce pain. Somatic coaching, Alexander Technique, Feldenkrais, and other body-based learning techniques can help you do everything you do better (including sex) – and without strained muscles or inflamed ligaments.

Honey, you can be as polyamorous as the day is long, and you do not ever have to end up in a wrist brace.

Felice Newman is a founding publisher of Cleis Press and the author of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us. She can be reached at Visit her at

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