Whole Lesbian Sex
Anal Pleasure, Part 1: There's Something About a Tongue...

Felice Newman,

There's something about the texture of a tongue on delicate tissue and lips sucking on moist membranes. I'm not talking about cunnilingus, though that's nice, too. I'm talking rimming, or analingus – that is, oral-anal sex.

The anus is both musty and sensitive, offering a delicate earthiness. It's responsive, contracting and inviting as it puckers and opens with arousal. The rich nerve endings of the anus combined with the soft, wet heat of tongue and lips provide for an extremely erotic array of sensations.

Why would you want to tongue your partner's asshole? Because she's so receptive to stimulation there, because rimming makes her squirm, and because the earthy taste and smell make you feel so primal – and perhaps because it's such a big taboo.

What does having a tongue there do for you? Well, the subtle sensations can't be compared to anything else. Perhaps because the anus receives so little sexual consideration, it's especially sensitive to erotic attention. The soft, puckered mouth of your anus is ripe for play.

Do you feel ambivalent about having a lover's tongue in your asshole? You're not alone. Offering your anus up to your partner's lips is a powerful statement of self-acceptance.

You may love your body. You may love your broad back and plush thighs, well-defined muscles, or lean boyish torso. But do you love your ass? Honey, once you discover the pleasures of anal eroticism, you'll realize that your ass certainly loves you.

You may worry that your butt is too big, too flabby, or too hairy (you can shave the area around your anus for a smooth feel). You may worry that you smell or taste bad, or that your lover will find feces there.

If you're concerned about cleanliness, you can shower, use dental dams or other barriers, or have an enema before sex. There are usually small traces of fecal matter in the anus and rectum, so it's possible to transmit hepatitis A, bacteria, or parasites through unprotected anal-oral contact. You can get a vaccine for Hep A (unlike Hep B and Hep C, for which there are none), and you can use latex barriers to prevent transmission of STIs and contact with feces. Licking her clitoris after rimming can lead to vaginal infections because bacteria from the anus may be carried by your tongue into her vagina. Always use a new barrier when you switch from rimming to cunnilingus.

Here are some very basic tips for budding analinguists:

  • Gently nibble her inner thighs and buttocks.
  • Lick up and down her butt crack.
  • Between her vagina and anus sits a small area of connective tissue, the perineum. Don't slight her perineum. A lot of women like pressure here during penetration, and licking or nibbling during rimming.
  • Tickle the hairs around her anus with the tip of your tongue.
  • Lightly circle her anus, or lay your soft tongue flat against her anus and rub against the opening.
  • Flick your tongue rapidly against her opening.
  • Try slipping an unlubed condom into your mouth, roll it over your tongue, and penetrate your partner as deeply as you desire. (Be aware that this works as a safer-sex technique only if you keep your lips away from her exposed membranes.)
  • Grab a glove and some water-based lube, to combine rimming with vaginal penetration or clitoral stimulation.
  • Or you can replace your tongue with fingers. Once you've rimmed your sweetie into a state of bliss, she may beg you for something, harder, longer, thicker – well, you get the idea. Rimming is a delicious warm-up to anal penetration, which many women say leads to their most intense orgasms. And that, my friends, is the subject of another column.

    Felice Newman is a founding publisher of Cleis Press and the author of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us. She can be reached at Visit her at

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