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Sex talk
Speaking of Porn


Simon Sheppard, QSyndicate.com

Dirty Boys Club In the porn biz, it's called "the money shot" - the visible moment of surging spooge. Orgasm: it's proof positive that what's happening on camera - despite the freeze-dried dialogue, the airbrushed bodies, and the general air of fakery - is, in fact, real. The name implies that the expulsion of a few cubic centimeters of bodily fluid is not only what the "actors" are being paid for, but what the viewer is paying for, too.

But how about offscreen, back in our beds? Is ejaculation the end-all and be-all of sex? Not necessarily. "Hell," says one fuck-fest veteran, "I can go for hours without coming, and often, after so long, shooting my load actually seems beside the point."

This sounds reasonable enough. After all, the body just re-absorbs ready-to-go jizz and sheds it in piss, no harm done. And the famed sexual yoga, Tantra, is devoted to delaying orgasm all the way till the next incarnation of the Buddha. In fact, adds Fuck-fest Veteran, "I like riding the wave of horny not-yet-come energy even after my trick has packed up and left." So, assuming everybody's happy, why worry whether you (or your partner) have shot a load?

Many guys assume that making their partner come is the ultimate proof of their sexual power, their attractiveness, and their ability to please their man.

"I'm worried that I can't make my boyfriend come, no matter how long I suck," says Greg - probably through tired jaws.

Well, like so much else in life, many people focus on the end goal rather than the pleasure in getting there. In and of itself, the absence of cum doesn't indicate anything specific. (And neither does ejaculation, which can actually occur without orgasmic pleasure.) Sure, for most of us, two (or more) men having a nice, rip-roaring, simultaneous orgasm signals the perfect ending to a perfect day. And sure, the recurring inability to ejaculate over an extended period of time may be due to a problem worthy of professional help. But an occa sional lack of joy-juice? Doesn't have to be a problem - unless you make it one.

Which is not to say you should be an orgasm pig. "I'm supposed to be a dominant daddy top," harrumphs Mr. Sir, "but I can't tell you how often a bottomboy of mine shoots his wad and then just plain loses interest in whether I come, as well." The obvious solution? Command your fuckboy to get back down there and get you off, which is precisely what Mr. Sir does. In less power-based relationships, though, "command" might have to be "suggest," or even, in a perhaps-hot moment of humiliation, "beg."

Barring any physical or psychological barriers to spewing cream, it really depends on what the guys involved want. Does your partner seem not to care about coming? You can easily research the matter with five little words: "Do you want to come?" (Of course, if you ask and the answer is "yes," you have a social obligation to try your best to get him to whomp a load.)

To paraphrase that old commercial: Sometimes you feel like popping a nut, sometimes you don't. Just remember that life is not, thank God, like a porn video - just because there's no money shot, it sure doesn't mean the scene is worthless.

Simon Sheppard is the co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power (Alyson Books)


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