Speaking of Penetration
Simon Sheppard, QSyndicate.com
Nothing brings queer men more scorn than the fact that some of us like to
get fucked. And we like it a lot.
"All sorts of sex are great," says one confirmed bottomboy. "But for me,
there's nothing like opening up and letting another man inside me. It's just
The anal area is, of course, a major erogenous zone. So buttsex, done right,
feels great. But there's another part to the thrill, too: the psychological
one. Being a good bottom involves a good deal of surrender. Letting go and
letting a dick in. Melting into the moment. Admitting that what you really,
really want is another man's penis inside you. Or, if not his prick, then
toys, his fingers, or his fist. (And since the advent of HIV, there's yet
another sort of surrender, too: an acceptance of risk – even if, thanks to
condoms, it's very remote.)
Society's stereotypes tell us that Real Men are armored and invulnerable,
while women are denigrated as the Gender That Gets Fucked. Small wonder,
then, that homophobes confuse "bottom" with "men who want to be women,"
though, ironically, anal sex is a minority taste among females. As one sign
at a gay parade defiantly (if rather inaccurately) announced, "It takes a
real man to take it up the butt."
On the other hand, there are those – queer, straight, antigay, or
otherwise – who figure that taking it up the butt is what makes a man a Real
Queer. That's a stereotype, too: plenty of very gay men have no desire to
get fucked. Some are total anal tops, others content with taking cocks into
their mouths or hands. And meanwhile, a band of hardy straight-boy pioneers
are getting fucked by their dildo-wielding girlfriends. It turns out that
penetration and orientation are two quite different things.
Still and all, many queer guys do indeed get fucked, at least every so
often. That indicates nothing about how "masculine" they may or may not be.
As one manly man says, "When someone's inside me, I don't feel feminized at
all. In fact, being joined to another guy that way just makes me feel more
masculine, a big male animal who knows how to take it."
And a yen for penetration says nothing about how "submissive" a fellow is,
either. "Anyone who calls bottoms the 'passive partners' obviously hasn't
screwed the guys I have," says one mostly top. "They can be aggressive, even
greedy. But lie-back-like-a-lump 'passive'? Not most of them, no. Far from
Insertion has its rewards, too, of course. Top Guy continues: "I just love
it when I first slide into a guy's butt. I feel like he trusts me, he wants
me, he wants me in his guts. Watching my erection disappear inside him is
really, really hot." An evil grin creeps across his handsome face. "It may
be a cliche, but the world is full of bottoms, and I like to be the guy
who gives them what they need."
Folks adverse to anal sex view it as a violation, as though the bottom is
being robbed of something. But the rest of us understand that being boned
is, in fact, a bonus. Whether butch bottom or fem fuckee, he who gets humped
is on the receiving end of hot, stiff maleness and the pleasure it brings.
So if you're a bottom, be proud. Stand up straight and tall.
No, on second thought, lie down.
Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines
Sex Talk: Other Subjects