FEATURE

Sex talk
Speaking of Married Men


Simon Sheppard, QSyndicate.com

"Despite that ring, I thee bed..."

There are guys for whom married men – not just het, but hitched – are the ne plus ultra of nookie. What motivates homos who hunt other people's husbands? Well, it could be any of several things.

"I just think that married guys are more masculine," says one fellow. "And I like butch guys."

Sure, getting laid is always a mark of one's attractiveness, but tempting a husband to forsake his vows? Now that's an accomplishment. There's a back-street naughtiness to adultery, the transgressive aspects of being "the other woman." Our spouse-stealer continues, "Sure, all men think with their dicks. But some guy risking his marriage to get blown? That's hot." Looking at things a bit more positively, one might also argue that it's a testimony to trustworthiness, since discretion is so often the watchword.

And hey, it might even be viewed as a public service, allowing a horny hubby to get what he can't get at home. Another husband-humping homo boasts, "I bet there's not a single straight woman who sucks cock as well as I do...at least not for free. Man, husbands are just so appreciative when I go down on them. And most like playing with my cock, too."

Then, too, it's axiomatic that plenty of gay guys are willing to have no-strings attached sex at the drop of a horny hat, while females oft expect more than a blow-and-go. Unless a bisexual husband hires a hooker, he might face more of a challenge cheating with a woman than with a man – nobody wants a demanding mistress knocking at his family's door.

And it's not just a matter of boy-hungry bachelors wooing the wed. Cruisers of online ads often run across married guys (whether they call themselves "straight" or "bi") seeking out men in the same situation. In a time when homophobia still holds sway, many guys who've been stampeded or self-deluded into wedding women end up looking for temporary liberation with other straying spouses, men who presumably understand their quandary. And if a husband does insist on cheating, he's no doubt better off meeting a supportive fellow-married than sticking his hand – complete with a dent around his ring finger – under a restroom stall.

Other men's marriages can even form a protective shield for gay men who don't want sex to lead to emotional entanglements, especially if they have boyfriends themselves. No matter how hot – or affectionate – things get, odds are that Mr. Married will eventually pull his pants up and head for home.

That's not to say that every gay guy approves of such extramarital shenanigans. Says one critical observer, "It's just dishonest. I'm certainly not a saint, but I'm sorry: There's something either manipulative or self-defeating about specializing in sex with married men. You're either setting up a man and his wife for possible heartache – taking revenge against heteros, in a way – or getting yourself involved in a no-win situation. Or both. I think that internalized homophobia often plays a part in such situations, especially the idea that married men have somehow proven they're 'real men.' "

The homo homewrecker is, oddly, a staple of both antigay propaganda and queer porn, and there's no denying that having sex with hubbies is morally ambiguous at best. Though not all queers wholeheartedly honor institutions that some straights begrudge us, the Golden Rule should still apply. Even so, some men keep going after married meat. Concludes the husband-humping homo, "Marriage may be a noble institution, but some of the husbands I've met have seemed like prisoners. Gay men like to believe that supposedly het men can be had. And take it from me," he grins, "they can."

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion



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