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Speaking of Accents


Simon Sheppard, QSyndicate.com

Sure, most guys want to bang a very good-looking dude with chiseled abs and a beautiful dick. But the eyes don't always have it. Sometimes the ears – or rather, what they hear – can get a guy hard, too. And while many things about a man's voice can be erection-producing, one of the most distinctive is a fellow's accent.

"I don't know where it comes from – too much Masterpiece Theatre when I was a kid, maybe, or being into the Beatles – but I'm totally queer for English accents," says one Anglophiliac homo. "So if a man who has answered my ad sounds like a Londoner when he phones, that's all I need. It almost doesn't matter what he looks like."

Foreign accents play to national stereotypes, of course. American admen, for instance, know that putting an Englishman's voice in a commercial denotes "classy." And vocal quirks often are perceived to have sexual overtones, too. Hombres with Hispanic accents are fiery Latin lovers, a Frenchman's vowels foretell suave lovemaking, blokes with Aussie accents are butch in bed, and so on. "When men hear me talk," says a guy from Peru, "I can sometimes really see their horniness increase." Even though the foreign-fuck fantasy can get more than a little silly, that doesn't make it any less widespread.

Which is not to say that the diction-to-dick connection is universal. "I don't want to sound intolerant," says one monolingual man, "but when I have sex with someone, I want to be able to understand what he's saying without always having to ask him to repeat himself."

Sexy accents need not sound international; regional tongues, too, have made many a penis pound. Says one Louisiana lad, "I've had Northerners tell me that the way I talk is sultry and sexy. And I'm not about to argue. On the other hand, I find the way New Yorkers talk is pretty hot, very assertive and urban. So maybe it's a matter of the grass always being greener...or at least better-sounding."

Geography isn't the only thing reflected in speech patterns – class and race can figure in, as well. Men turned on by black guys, for instance, are likely to lust after accents that sound African, African-American, or Caribbean, while boys in search of the butch might well prefer bluntly working-class tones to Ivy League linguistics.

Such considerations might not even register on a conscious level. "There was this friend of mine," remembers one Californian, "who turned me on, big time. He was OK-looking, and he had a good personality. But after a while, I realized that the single thing I found most attractive about him was that he had the thickest Boston accent I'd ever heard. Weird, huh?"

Well, not so strange, perhaps, considering gay men eroticize everything from big feet to small dicks. Some clever men have even taken advantage of the fetish for foreign tongues. One man says, "One queen I know affects an upper-class British accent when he goes out to bars, though he's actually from central California. Doesn't work on me. If I were going to be turned on by an English accent, it would probably be something kind of Northern English and very working-class."

Aye, it's safe to say that vocal inflections can cause erections, even if it's because accents are markers for other penis-pleasing traits. But in the final analysis, as the guy from the bayous points out, "If a guy wants to suck my cock, who cares how he sounds? After all, he's going to have his mouth full."

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion



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