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SPORTS FEATURE

Beckham's building-sized bulge


David Salter | June 30, 2008

David Beckham
To start things off right this week, I am pleased to announce to the few who haven't heard or plastered the photo evidence all over their cubicles, bedrooms or shower stall doors that David Beckham's building-sized bulge is again available for mass consumption.

The highlight of the new Emporio Armani underwear campaign is a giant poster featuring the Brit – turned Los Angelino and his trademark package that hangs invitingly down the entire side of the Macy's building in San Francisco's Union Square.

Hopefully he can now find time to actually play during a soccer game next season and start earning Victoria Beckham's clothing allowance.

In other sports fashion news, 21-year-old tennis champ and eye candy with actual talent Maria Sharapova has announced that she will be abandoning her usual flashy dresses and skirts for a more traditional shorts and t-shirt outfit at Wimbledon.

It will be the first time the Russian has worn what she describes as �menswear� in a Grand Slam title, and she will attempt to reach her second Wimbledon final, having defeated Serena Williams in her only previous title match in 2004.

Speaking of Wimbledon and attractive young champions, it appears Rafael Nadal has successfully hidden the fact that he has had a girlfriend for the past three years.

How ever is that possible?

His trainer/uncle Toni Nadal confirmed what photographers got evidence of recently by following Nadal and his lady friend Maria Fransisca Perello to the beach.

�I guess a lot of girls will be upset to know the truth,� the trainer said.

Yeah... since no one with a penis could possibly be attracted to a tan, latin-European 22-year-old superstar athlete with millions of dollars and very, very hard biceps...

Speaking of twinks with frighteningly powerful upper body strength, the United States recently named its seven members of the gymnastics team for the upcoming Beijing Olympics.

Oft-shirtless mini-studs Paul and Morgan Hamm return to the team, joined by Joseph Hagerty, Jonathan Horton, Kevin Tan, and my new favorite blonde boy, Justin Spring.

Although the Chinese team is the heavy favorite to bring home the gold this summer (after all, they don't have very far to go), the team, anchored by defending Olympic all-around champion Paul Hamm, hopes at least to reprise its silver medal performance from the 2004 games.

Justin Spring It's just so unfortunate that gymnastics and swimming are always on at the same time, making me have to choose between super-flexible identical twins and super long Michael Phelps.

Oh, decisions, decisions.

Back in Ireland last week, the Sydney Convicts gay rugby team won the Bingham Cup, essentially the world championship of gay rugby. The Australian team defeated the Kings Cross Steelers of London in the final. The organizers of the tournament heaped hearty praise on all the �boys,� a term I find amusing since most of the players look like they were flown in from the set of the latest Treasure Island video.

Another historic gay sports event began June 14th, this one in Southern California. The Gay Polo League (and that's on horses fully dressed, not nearly nude in the water, sadly) played in its first tournament for the uber-posh sport against the California Polo Club, and one of the two teams supported by the GPL, appropriately named the Killers, emerged victorious.

Sounds like the gays are becoming the next Tiger Woods: once they're allowed to play against whitey (or straighty, in this case), they come out of the gate hard and kick serious ass, looking fabulous as they do.

Speaking of Tiger, the winner of an intensely fought U.S. Open championship last week at Torrey Pines while suffering from a damaged ACL, announced he'd be having reparative surgery for the often career-ending injury.

The recovery will take him out of the rest of the 2008 season, but will allow the legendary golfer's knee (which visibly affected his still astounding performance at Torrey Pines) to fully heal in time for the next season of multi-million dollar prizes for whacking a ball and hopping into a cart for four rounds of eighteen holes.

Rough life, but somebody's gotta do it.

Since This Gay Week in Sports is, let's face it, buoyed by frontal nudity�intentional or not-so-much�it pleases me to be able to document two more amusing flashes of skin that occurred this week, each one hysterically accidental or just plain bizarre.

The first was a maddeningly �brief� encounter of the R-rated kind, causing me and many others to raise our hands in gratitude to diligent gay bloggers who painstakingly scan banal post-game locker room interviews for the incidental peek at a player's equipment.

OMGBlog.com posted a clip that appeared to be your average beat-up looking hockey player discussing a game with a reporter, but I really had no idea nor interest in what he was saying because right behind him, his teammate, Los Angeles Kings right wing Dustin Brown proceeded to strip down to his jockstrap and then, as long as one didn't blink (or had access to a powerful pause and magnifying button on his TiVo), allowed the discerning viewer a peek at his own personal stick.

I confess the clip, watched at normal speed, is more situationally amusing than arousing, as Brown seems to have just been completely clueless as he disrobed (the cameraman was obviously paying attention, since the frame �accidentally� swings slightly to the right to record the full incident for posterity).

Fortunately some sites have posted freeze-framed shots of Brown's moneymaker, and considering how restricted it must have been under all that uniform, even as it was I wouldn't have kicked it out of my bed.

But the winner of Most Bizarre Commercial Use of Publicly Available Web Images goes to a Facebook advertisement for a gay hookup website called FindMen4Men.com.

The side banner advertisement features a photo of former Notre Dame and current Cleveland Browns hunk – I mean quarterback – Brady Quinn talking on his cell phone conveniently sans shirt (but my, Brady, what enormous pecs you have!).

The advertisement reads, �find other men who want what you want at findmen4men.com.�

I'd really consider a false advertising suit because, depressing as the fact is, I was unable to find and �cruise� Mr. Quinn on said site despite the embarrassing amount of time I searched over the weekend.

Strictly for the cause of responsible journalism, of course...

Until next time. – Issued by Gay Link Content


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