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This week in the world of lesbian gossip

Tracy E. Gilchrist | August 22, 2008

Hollywood's lesbian royalty

This weekend the hills were alive with the sound of Hollywood�s power Lesbos saying �I do.�

That�s right, the crowned princesses of Hollywood lesbian royalty – I�d call them queens but let�s face it, that�s reserved for the boys – Ellen Degeneres and the lovely Portia de Rossi became the highest profile homos to take advantage of gay marriage in the Golden state since the California Supreme Court overturned the silly-ass ban on same-sex nuptials this spring.

While Dame Ellen and Princess Portia well deserve their special day� why deprive their gay brethren the rubbernecking thrill of blowing the doors off of their wedding day Royal Wedding style? I mean really. There was no parade of Subaru�s through West Hollywood with the lesbian royalty perched on the back seat of an Outback waving to the throngs while the train of Portia�s pretty in pink Zac Posen dress trailed through the streets past The Abbey, East West, Fiesta Cantina, The Palms and the myriad dens of iniquity WeHo offers.

Hell no, the selfish couple invited only a select few of 20-plus guests, plus paparazzi from People and Us mags, to celebrate their special day at Ellen�s multi-million dollar lesbian compound in the Hills Saturday.

The bride wore a pale pink halter back dress with a Cinderella train. And the other bride donned an impeccable white three-piece suit combo, also by Zac Posen. Ellen�s mama, famous in her own right, Betty Degeneres and Portia�s mum, Margaret Rogers were both on hand for their daughters� happy day.

At 50, Ellen�s just about the most successful lesbian cougar around, having landed Princess Portia, 35. And hell, Ellen had to go through only one bad celebrity nutcase of a relationship before finding and falling for Portia. With Anne Heche – we won�t count Alex Hedison, who seems rather well-adjusted – and the Iggy fall-out behind her, Ellen�s one lucky old gal. And Portia�s not doing too badly either. Here�s wishing the happy couple a lifetime of happiness. Take that John McCain, ancient, twice-married man who espouses marriage between a man and a woman only. Wait, does that apply to the first or second marriage?

Meanwhile, the anti-Ellen, the denizen of WeHo's The Abbey, with the eyes as red as rubies, the woman who�s spotted planting sloppy PDA kisses on hapless star-fucker blondes week after week, the woman who deserves a reality show about as much as Tila Tequila does, Jackie Warner, celebrated her 40th birthday this week.

And wow, from the pics, Jackie�s pin the tail on the donkey party looked like a high school cast party of horny girls after a game of quarters and spin the bottle, licking each other�s stomachs – albeit it tight and flat in this case – and swapping spit. Oh hell� maybe I�m just jealous. I�d love a good game of five minutes in the closet about now. Happy Birthday Jackie.

Reunited and it feels so good? Or maybe it's more like, we're adults acting as responsible co-parents and it feels so good? Either way, Jodie Foster and her ex-lady friend of 14 years, Cydney Bernard, were spotted together in Tokyo Tuesday for Jodie�s press tour of Nim�s Island. Ole Cyd was watching the boys they raised together while Jodie waxed on about Nim�s Island for the foreign press.

Meanwhile Jodie�s other lady friend – a neutral term since Jodie�s not officially out – the one she allegedly left her main lady friend Cydney for several months ago, Cynthia Mort, was nowhere in sight. I guess it wasn�t a family affair after all.

The two-time Oscar winning lesbian icon met and fell for Cyd on the set of 1994�s Somersby. Jodie likely made Cyd her primary lady friend after engaging in horrifyingly stilted love scenes with the then beady-eyed Richard Gere. If Jodie were at all on the fence about her proclivities, the sight of her and Gere looking about as comfortable in bed as McCain sitting on Ellen�s couch while she drilled him on gay marriage, most definitely sent Jodie running into Cyd�s open arms.

File this under sexy in that hot train wreck sort of way. Promoting her spanking new pseudo reality series The Cho Show on VH1, Margaret Cho tried to ruffle the kids over at New York Magazine with her salacious comments about the next generation of Hollywood Lesbo Royalty� the Lush, the Lez Lindsay Lohan and her DJ to the Stars Samantha Ronson.

"I want to be the guest star in that bed. I would hope that Samantha Ronson would be this hot, mean, butch top. I don't know about Lindsay, though. I'd have to see. I think the three of us would be great in a daisy chain."

Well good for Margaret! I haven�t heard the term daisy chain in ages and it just makes me smile. But really, you know Lindsay�s a bossy bottom who never gets enough. Train for a triathlon before you bang that one Maggie� As for Sam, well I just don�t know. She might be a hot top for a minute but she looks like she�d lose steam after a few� But a word of advice. Purel, Purel, Purel� I love the Linds but the girl�s got a past.

While former TV mom for the mid-western, Sam�s Club set, Roseanne continues to make a batshit crazy ass of herself blogging that Empress Angelina Jolie is �evil� and her hunk of man meat Brad Pitt is �vacuous,� her darling, dykey, TV daughter Darlene – Sara Gilbert – is keeping busy as a lesbian mom in a committed relationship with gainful employment.

The Roseanne show�s fave smart-ass Darlene is all grown up and starring as an uber-nerd in the Big Bang Theory with her former Roseanne BF Johnny Galecki. It looks like mama Gilbert needs a pay day because she�s also signed for guest stints on Private Practice and on ER.

Good for Sara. Now if she could get her sister Melissa Gilbert – who hasn�t had a steady gig since she played half-pint Laura Ingalls four decades ago – a job on something other than a Lifetime movie of the week.

The woman formerly known as Phyllis Lindstrom and Frau Blucher – insert horses whinny here – Cloris Leachman stole the show at a Bob Saget roast recently. At 84, the gal�s got a sharp delivery and it�s pretty clear she�s wearing her �I don�t give a fuck� hat these days when she said, �I�m not here to roast Bob Saget. I�m here to fuck John Stamos.�

She followed that kicker up by telling Stamos she was going to strap-on her Oscar and take him in the corner. Well, good on the ole girl. That much spunk and perversity deserves to be celebrated at any age.

And just a note� what the hell is up with Project Runway sending the two cute girls packing? First the hot bitch on wheels that was Natalie Portman on Runway, excommunicated the adorable Emily and then, foxy – and getting better with age – Brooke Shields rid the Runway of hot tattooed and talented Kelly in favor of keeping surfer, tanning-bed addicted, never-heard-of-melanoma boy Blayne� All I can say is I�m �out� for the rest of this run.

Not even Heidi Klum�s and Nina Garcia�s bitch dominatrix personas could get me to tune in for the rest of this lackluster season� – Issued by Gay Link Content

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