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This week in the world of lesbian gossip

Tracy E. Gilchrist | July 04, 2008

Cyndi Lauper's True Colours

Break out the Manic-Panic, the multiple pointless rubber bracelets, the fingerless fishnet gloves and the wide, big-buckled belt!

It�s 1986 and there�s an ideologically offensive Republican well into his second term in the White House and homos countrywide are fighting for their lives!

Hold on� that sounds like the present.

Regardless, spritely She-bopper Cyndi Lauper, along with her time machine tour bus, brought the eighties to Los Angeles' Greek Theater this weekend with her True Colors tour.

Or what I like to call Homopalooza�sans the moshing.

Ms. Lauper, the one-woman gay rights army with the infectious Brooklyn accent, delivered a stroll down memory lane for any budding lezzie that ever dyed her buzz cut two-toned and emulated Annie Lennox circa �Would I Lie to You?� back in the day. Hostess with the Mostest, Queer Eye�s resident queen Carson Kressley, did a bang-up job keeping the evening flowing while also coming in second only to Cher in the number of costume changes per concert.

Highlights of Cyndi�s Homo-fest included the lovely retro-forties style trio, The Puppini Sisters, who combine their good looks with killer harmonies on swingin� , campy covers of everything from Blondie�s �Heart of Glass� to Beyonce�s modern classics – as well as offering up some original tunes. The two Brits, and one Italian-born but Briton-bred, ladies, decked out in gumball machine candy coated red, green and blue looked good enough to eat. It made me wish I were in a Puppini Sister triple-decker Club sandwich.

Between running to the bathroom after the Puppinis and the strains of �I�ll have a jumbo, $40 Corona� at the bar, my girlfriend and I heard the uber-gay stylings of Erasure�s Andy Bell singing out Louise to �Give a Little Respect.� Clad in, quite likely, the same model latex pants and sleeveless black top he�s been wearing since �Chains of Love� sent him hurdling into the Euro-Gay Hall of Fame, Bell sang an extended medley of Erasure�s greatest hits� much to the delight of anyone old enough to remember thinking that Erasure was once the most audacious, progressive and empowering queer dance music to ever make you swirl alone at a gay club clad in a floor-length coat with your hands over your head.

Those wacky kids, The B 52�s�as if in one of their cosmic-themed songs�really transported the crowd back to the good old days of big hair and pin-striped jeans. The gals, Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson, now in their fifties, danced like they were back at CBGB�s in 1981.

Of course, Ms. Cyndi, the powerhouse that she is, delivered a lively set of tunes including �She-Bop,� �Drove all Night,� �Shine� and several from her latest endeavor, the very hot, Bring Ya to the Brink. For her bad-ass anthem �Money Changes Everything,� The Cliks� smokin� trans man Lucas Silveira dueted with Cyndi. At one point, Lucas was on his back while Cyndi stood straddling him, mic in hand. So fiery little Cyndi�s a top afterall!

Between Andy Bell and The B 52�s and between my second vodka and soda and my third jumbo Corona – hey, it was a long show and I was trying to regulate the pee trips – wickedly funny woman Wanda Sykes performed a tears-down-the-face funny set. But I have just a little queery...Is Wanda even pretending to be straight anymore? Because she kinda blew the fucking closet doors off the hinges. A long time friend to the gays and an oft-rumored Hollywood homo, Wanda referred to her �girlfriend," in her set, and I don�t think she was talking about the kind of �girlfriend� straight girls like to get together with and indulge in mani/pedi afternoons followed by lusting over bags at the nearest Coach outlet. I�m pretty sure she meant the kind you whip off all your clothes and roll around with on the flannel sheets.

Lil' Wanda also riffed on California�s recent legalized gay marriage, asserting that �WE need to vote� against the proposed anti-gay marriage amendment in November, so that �WE fight for OUR civil rights.� Good on Wanda! We hope she�s queer and that she�s here, there and everywhere and we welcome her into our collective folds – as it were.

That Big Gay Rosie O�Donnell. She just invites controversy. This week, 90-year-old gossip bird, Cindy Adams, alleged in her New York Post column that Rosie and her partner – of what seems like forever – Kelli Carpenter, had called it quits. To which, blog-savvy Rosie replied – in so many words – no fucking way! Within hours of Adams� latest rumor hitting that right-wing rag The Post, Rosie took to her email in her pseudo-haiku/arrested development sort of blogging style and fired off a missive to a bigger bitch than herself�Perez Hilton. Really, I'm kidding. I adore the Big Rosie O! I�d let her sit on my IKEA couch in the buff and shower me with show tunes while guzzling Miller Lite for hours on end.

Anyway, Ro wrote to Perez, "cindy adams and i r having a full blown affair. she is a lesbian." To which Adams replied, �I know you are but what am I?� Okay, so Adams didn�t really say that but it would have been fun.

Science Fiction and Fantasy geek boys and Xena-loving Lesbos lined up for a piece of Lucy Lawless at Universal City Walk this weekend. That�s right! The world�s most beloved, once-upon-a-sword-wielding Kiwi performed live for City Walk�s Summer Block Party. The multi-talented Lawless isn�t just a pretty face with a hot bod. She�s also got a husky set of pipes on her.

Right now, while I�m pecking away at my computer, Santa Angelina Jolie of the Holy Order of Perpetual Breast Feeding, is holed up at the exclusive seafront Lenval hospital in Nice, likely birthing her lucky-ass set of twins. Santa Angie and Saint Brad Pitt of the Holy Order of – I make so much money and I�m so f***ing good looking, let�s give back to the world with our beautiful children – are expecting a pair of Jolie/Pitts to add to their ever-growing brood of wildly privileged babes.

Angie and Brad are happy. They�re saving the world one $40 million baby picture to People magazine at a time�they're bringing awareness to places like New Orleans, Cambodia, Ethiopia�.blah, blah, blah�

That�s all well and good Angie but WHY, WHY, WHY? Don�t you give back to the people who made you� your gay girl fans� and lay off the Goodwill thing, slap on a pair of spiked heeled boots, a leather jacket and a semi-automatic weapon and jump around on a fast-moving train every day of the week? It would make so many of your pervy gay girls happy. You�d be stamping out depression one objectifying image at a time!

In the po-mo simulacrum, in which there are no new ideas, let us at least celebrate and squeeze every ounce of newness out of the few ideas that are already out there. The Addams Family is headed to Broadway. Yes, the theater has become a repository for re-fangled pop culture gems. Although, I�m fairly certain this is the first incarnation of a classic sixties television show, turned flick turned flick sequel turned Broadway show� and I think there was a cartoon in there somewhere.

Anyway, hot-assed, long-gammed Lillith, that is, Bebe Neuwirth is slated to don her best goth and play rose-emasculator extraordinaire Morticia Addams. Rumor has it Big Gay Nathan Lane will step into Gomez�s wide pin-striped togs.

I must admit I haven't the faintest idea what Mamma Mia is about, but upon discovering that the Master Thespian herself, Meryl Streep, sings ABBA�s masterpiece, �I Dreamed a Dream,� I�m so there. So what if it looks like Muriel�s Wedding night meets Under the Tuscan Sun meets Enchanted April? It�s Meryl in bell-bottomed lam� and she must be worshipped. – Issued by Gay Link Content

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