This week in the world of lesbian gossip
Tracy E. Gilchrist | June 27, 2008
Ellen gets early wedding gift
Big Gay Ellen Degeneres received an early wedding prezzie from the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences this past week but not without that big-mouthed bitch Rachael Ray stealing a bit of our girl Ellen�s thunder!
Still, on a triple-digit LA day at the Kodak theater, beyond the crack-head Spiderman, the Fat Elvis and the old Marilyn at Hollywood�s Walk of Fame, dapper Ellen in Great Expectations-era Dolce and Gabbana, picked up her fourth consecutive Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Talk Show Host. She thereby beat out The View doyen Barbara Walters and her merry band of coffee clatchers for yet another year. America�s favorite Lesbo also bested stalwart Regis Philbin and his hyper-happy co-host Kelly Ripa for the Outstanding Host moniker.
But where the hell was Oprah in all of this? Something tells me the Big O has taken herself out of the running to save face rather than lose to her gentler, funnier and less solipsistic daytime rival. I mean really, Ellen never self-promoted that lovable bomb Mr. Wrong the way Oprah was all-Beloved all-day for six months before and after its release.
Once Ellen�s name was announced as winner for another year and she�d finished making her best �act surprised and humbled� face, Ellen kissed a nameless bald man before laying a full-lipped smooch on her hot piece of Aussy tail, Portia de Rossi.
Still, a real girl-on-girl couple kissing on daytime television is fairly progressive. That revolutionary type of PDA is generally reserved for those wacky theater types over at the Tony Awards. Think Cynthia Nixon and her babe Christine Marinoni in a post-win, on-air lip-lock and Cherry Jones and Sarah Paulson snogging the year before.
Looking most fetching and adorable, the Big E said, �I never take this for granted,� and then launched into her trademark, self-deprecating, silly humor. Referring to her dog adoption debacle last fall, Ellen said she laughed and cried and cried by herself and laughed again� etc.
Meanwhile, backstage, it was all about gay marriage. The Queen of �Yep, I�m Gay� confirmed that she and pretty Portia would indeed be saying �I do,� in a big old gay wedding, replete with her four Emmys as the icing on the wedding cake and with special guest star singers. Hmmm who could be slated to glitz out Ellen�s big day? Beyonce humming the wedding march complete with trills and booty-shaking? Celine Dion over singing the crap out of �My Heart Will Go On� for the happy couple�s first dance? Or better yet, Anne Heche and Alex Hedison rocking out a karaoke version duet of �You�re So Vain?� Just a thought�
While Ellen was mum about who would perform at her wedding or when the lovebirds intend to make honest women of one another, she did say that she plunked down a mini-fortune to slap Portia with a fat old – you belong to me you young hot thing – diamond ring – a marquis cut pink diamond to be exact. Damn. Portia�s a good looking woman but between the old-fashioned betrothal ring and Ellen�s reluctance to seal the deal with a pre-nup, old girl is whipped beyond belief. Really Ellen, how long can those Arrested Development and Ally McBeal residuals keep Portia in the style to which she�s become accustomed?
Here�s a tip of the spatula to Rachael Ray for pulling an upset at the Daytime Emmys and running off with Best Talk Show, stealing it out from under Ellen, whose show nabbed the award for four years running.
"Wow! Holy cat," a bewildered and stunned Rachael exclaimed in her acceptance speech. "I really can't breathe." Yikes Rachael and we thought it was Ellen who worshipped pussy!
For all of her �I don�t� know if the world is flat,� �I�ve never voted in my life,� stupidity, I must admit that the Daytime Emmy�s co-host and one-fifth of The View co-hosts, Sherri Shepherd turned in an adorable, witty and flat-out charming performance for the Emmy Awards. Where once I thought Sherri could use a little help from Hooked on Phonics or an extended stay at the Sylvan Learning Center, I respectfully submit that she knows her way around a teleprompter.
Could Someone please let singer songwriter extraordinaire Carly Simon know that there�s no time like the present to dip your 62-year-old toes in lesbian waters? The Queen of �Anticipation� and �Nobody Does it Better,� spilled her guts to that over-grown, big-haired, lesbian-obsessed bastard Howard Stern that she wishes she�d gotten her girl-on-girl on back in her pre-Geritol days.
�Have I made love to a woman? No. Now, I have been 'come on' to, but I was too uptight. But I wish that I had. I think that I'm too old for that (now). I have a fantastic boyfriend now who's almost a woman,� Carly told the prurient, pervert Howard on his radio show. And it�s a shame she never took the plunge because Carly and her big, beautiful mouth could have gotten into a whole lot of Lesbo action back in the day.
Not only did cutie-pie with the pristine palate, Stephanie Izard land the Top Chef honor as well as being the first woman to beat out all of those egomaniac male chefs, but she pulled a coup and nabbed �Fan Favorite� and another $10,000 on the Top Chef reunion show.
Despite Steph�s coup d��tat, Top Chef�s trio of dykes stole the show with what appeared to be some tacky three-way cover-up between Zoi Antonitsas, her once-upon-a-girlfriend Jennifer Biesty and the ever-lovable perfector of pissed-off arm-folding, Lisa Fernandes.
Judging from the on-air scuttlebutt, the awkward pauses and sideways glances, it seems that Top Chef�s premiere lesbian couple – not counting hot-ass hostess Padma Lakshmi�s erotic ticklefest with Jennifer Aniston-esque contestant Casey Thompson last season – have gone the way of Jodie Foster and Cydney Bernard and called it quits just as the world was beginning to accept their love.
Just a thought, but Lovable Lisa looked like the cat that ate the canary as Zoi and Jenn quibbled over discussing the status of their relationship on-air. With all of her pent-up anger, Lisa�s likely a fiery lay� plus, she can whip up four courses of post-coital Asian fare in the time it takes me to toast a crumpet.
One of the earliest sitcom darlings, Mary Tyler Moore, has signed on to play Brooke Shields� mama on the triumphant Sex and the City knock-off Lipstick Jungle.
"I'm fortunate to have had a front row seat to the evolution of working women on television," Mary told The Hollywood Reporter. "It's been great fun to watch the strong female characters of Lipstick Jungle' go at it week after week. I absolutely adore Brooke and I'm delighted to be a part of a show which is so well written." Well here�s a giant toss of the fuzzy beret into rush-hour traffic for both Mary and Brooke!
Finally, the Angelina Jolie we know and love is back in action! Yeah sure. It�s great she�s saving the world one adopted baby at a time and that pregnancy, Brad Pitt and becoming a Goodwill Ambassador have made her a better woman� blah, blah, blah. Fuck that. Nobody pays to watch Angie all serious as a CIA agent�s beleaguered wife in The Good Shepherd or in her damned fine turn as Marianne Pearl in Ange's pet project, A Mighty Heart.
Hell no! Give us a gun-toting, knife-wielding, round-house kicking, jumping off buildings, Brad Pitt�s ass-kicking Daddy in Mr. and Mrs. Smith Angie! Early reviews of Angelina�s latest action opus, Wanted, are off the charts. Director Timur Bekmambetov had the good sense to outfit Angie in a skimpy dress, throw a gun in her hand and roll her around on the hood of hot red sports car traveling at mach speed. Now that�s a visionary genius. The film co-stars� Oh, who the fuck cares who costars? This movie is all about Angie, me, a darkened theater and a big bucket of greasy popcorn! – Issued by Gay Link Content
Hollywood's abuzz with gay weddings