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This week in the world of lesbian gossip

Tracy E. Gilchrist | May 22, 2008

Halleluiah for Hollywood homos!

The California Supreme Court overturned the ban on same-sex marriage last week and Tinsel Town�s premiere queer couple is already breaking out the matrimonial garter and polishing the girl-on-girl cake topper.

No sooner did four out of seven state Supreme Court justices say �I do,� to gay marriage than Big Gay Ellen Degeneres dropped to her knees, whipped out a rock and a pre-nup agreement and asked that hot-assed girlfriend of hers, Portia de Rossi, to be her blushing bride. And then Big E announced the wedding plans to 400 of her closest pals – her studio audience – during a taping of The Ellen Show, just hours after the court�s judgment came down.

Once Ellen let it slip that she and Portia had committed to quit living in sin together shacking up in their Hollywood Hills manse out of wedlock, audience members erupted out of their seats into a heartfelt, prolonged standing ovation. The flood of positive emotion for Ellen and her lady friend Portia was truly overwhelming. Either that or the audience was collectively pleased as punch that they wouldn�t have to chip in for a Pottery Barn gift for the couple that has everything.

My, what a difference a year makes. Following Ellen�s shocking and unforseeable announcement 10 years ago that she�s a full-on Lesbo, she virtually retreated back into the closet on her talk show. Like a lesbian Eunuch Ellen referred to Portia only in the royal �we� on air for years. You know, �We fed the cats NutriMax rather than Science Diet this weekend.� �We drove the Subaru Outback into the wilderness, slapped on our Hi-Tech hiking boots and communed with nature this weekend.� �We got tipsy on Shiraz and ordered double-headed dildos from Babeland over the Internet last night�� you get the picture.

A far cry from Ellen�s �Portia who?� on-air persona of just a year ago – Ellen has since referred to Portia by name – the Aussie babe was on hand in the audience when Ellen announced their pending nuptials. Portia smiled lovingly at her betrothed while the camera cut back and forth between them and the cheering audience, capturing the happy moment for posterity and the world.

Congrats to the hot happy couple and to all the rest of the lucky bastards in committed relationships who�ll fully the reap benefits of saying �I will,� until the end of time. That is until they step out of the state of California and travel 3,000-plus miles to Massachusetts. Baby steps... We're getting there.

Meanwhile, here�s a gal who�s likely happy she didn�t� make it legal. Kinda-sorta out Oscar winner, Jodie Foster and her lady love of 14 years – at least we think she�s her lady love since, they look like big ole Lesbos, have raised two children together and sport �eternity� rings on their wedding fingers – Cydney Bernard, have called it quits, according to the publication of note, The National Enquirer.

While it�s sad for 45-year-old bad ass and eternal tomboy Jodie, and possibly sadder for Cydney, who no longer holds the in-the-closet bragging rights to banging one of Hollywood�s most sought-after gay ladies, it�s fun to fantasize about Jodie hitting up the West Hollywood lesbian nights L Word style. Perhaps a swinging single Jodie will head on down to Weho�s East West Lounge for weekly women's night to smoke cigarettes on the postage-stamp sized patio and rub elbows with Jackie Warner and the Dante�s Cove girls. Or maybe she�ll hit up Here Lounge for Friday night Truck Stop and shower the bartenders/filthy erotic dancers with hundred-dollar bills leftover from her Bugsy Malone and Foxes royalties.

But really, Jodie is catnip for lesbians. The chiseled shoulders and jaw, the freakishly bright blue eyes, the trucker�s voice, the strong fingers� If she dares step out as a single lady to the Weho Petco for cat litter without her own personal Secret Service, she�d better pack a taser to ward off the randy, rabid lesbians who�ve lusted after her since her guest spot on The Partridge Family.

Girl-on-girl equals great ratings and Jodie�s Silence of the Lambs� co-star, whom Jodie fearlessly freed from the well, Brooke Smith planted a long, slow, full-lipped kiss on her Grey�s Anatomy co-star Sara Ramirez last week.

Following weeks of sideways glances, shared bottles of wine on the sofa, rumor and innuendo, Smith�s Erica took the hot Latina by the back of the head and kissed her in an elevator. Of course, writers played off the kiss between Erica and Sara�s Callie to ostensibly tease Eric Dane�s McSteamy with visions of a three-way dancing in his head. Because you know, Hollywood is run by straight horny male nerds for whom the two girls at once fantasy is second only to Princess Leia in chain mail.

However, Callie�s post-kiss flush indicated either some real Lesbo desire or at least an �I�ll try anything once,� bi-curious sensibility. Either way, between last week�s soldier-boy kiss and this week�s gay girl smooch, Grey�s producers appear to be buckling from pressure from the gay mafia to ramp up the same-sex action. And that�s just fine with us.

The perpetually law-suit addled, DUI-nabbing, rehab drop-out mess that is La Lush Lindsay Lohan got pinched in a lawsuit for draping herself in another woman�s fur, and I�m not talking about Samantha Ronson. A Columbia University student has filed suit against our little Linds for allegedly running off with her grandma�s mink coat at 10ak nightclub in Manhattan last January.

The mink-coat wearing dumbass filing suit is Masha Markova, who�s frankly lucky PETA didn�t spot her prancing around in the fur and douse her with blood-red Manic Panic. The coat went missing at the club and was mysteriously returned reeking of cigarette smoke and a Grey Goose, Ambien and Oxycondone cocktail with a ticket stub for Lindsay�s latest bomb I Know Who Killed Me shoved in the pocket. Markova says she realized Lindsay had made off with the offending coat when she espied a pic of the Linds sporting it in OK Magazine. It�s all so rich� Lindsay is the gift that keeps on giving. I can�t make this crap up�.

Another sign that Armageddon is nigh� Paula Abdul joined Paris Hilton and Benji Madden, the Kardashian sisters, Chris Tucker, Tom Arnold and Larry King at the Sober Day USA 2008 party! The publicity hungry bunch guzzled Hint water and remained sober for the entire four-hour run of the event. And then they all went to Hooters and did body shots and up-side down Margaritas.

Congratulations to hot nerd Michelle Paradise and the cast and crew of Exes and Ohs. The first-ever lesbian sitcom about a group of quirky Seattle-based lesbians got the green light for a second season to air in early 2009.

Finally, it�s not just fictional characters going in for the girl-on-girl snog. A very pregnant and radiant Empress Angelina Jolie leaned in for a full-on lip-lock with Clint Eastwood�s smokin� cougar of a wife Dina on the red carpet for the premiere of Clint and Angie�s labor of love, The Changeling, at Cannes.

But better yet, an even hotter old cougar, Florence Henderson, who once dated her television son Greg Brady on The Brady Bunch, and that iron-fisted dominatrix on the bench and in the bedroom, Judge Judy Sheindlin were captured enjoying a full-on lip-lock at a Beverly Hills charity event Monday. That�s right, gray is the new gay! – Issued by Gay Link Content

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