This week in the world of lesbian gossip
Tracy E. Gilchrist | February 08, 2008
Kathy Griffin and Barbara Walters
Don't f*** with Barbara Walters. She's old, crotchety and completely void of a sense humor! At least that's the lesson potty-mouthed star-f***er extraordinaire Kathy Griffin's learned after Babs banned the strawberry blonde funny woman from The View for a second time. In her most recent Bravo special, Kathy throws ole Babs under the bus like she does every other celeb she encounters.
But, apparently, words are weapons to the veteran journalist. Walters, who's making a mockery of her strides for women in the media by giving "The world is flat, the Christians were here before the Jews, my son won't ever wear a dress even as a costume, I've never voted for anything in my life," Sherri Shepherd, a soapbox.
Ever the hilarious button-pusher, Kathy told Page Six she was slated for an appearance on The View last week, "But then I get a call from [producer] Bill Geddie, and he says, 'You were too mean to Barbara [Walters] on your last special, so you can't come on.' Can you believe it? I've been banned before but never re-banned!"
Laser-sharp tongued Griffin just happens to be BFF's with Big Rosie O'Donnell, who left The View in a queenie huff last June, while trying to combat conservative baby-maker Elisabeth Hasselbeck. It's too bad Babs rebanned Kathy. Her appearance would have made for gripping television watching her eviscerate Little Lezzie Hasselbeck and shamefully shit-for-brains Sherri Shepherd.
Last week the – supposed to represent everywoman – Shepherd copped to the mortifying fact that she's never stepped into a voting booth in her life. But never fear, since she's making a boat-load of cash embarrassing herself on national television daily, Sherri registered and was prepared to vote on Super Tuesday. Co-host and erstwhile mentor on how not to make Sherri look like even more of an ass, Whoopi Goldberg, likely had to hold Sherri's hand in the voting booth.
So she's not a Sapphic sister, but smokin' badass Sarah Silverman is one audaciously hilarious gal. For the fifth the anniversary of her – don't ask me why – boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel's talk show, Sarah threw together a little break-up video for a song she wrote entitled, "I'm F***ing Matt Damon."
Mr. Damon, looking kind of cute, if not just a little haggard, got in on the joke with Sarah and the duo, sang, rapped and danced a tune to get under Kimmel's skin. A plea from your lesbo contingency, Sarah. Maybe next time you'll write the song, "I'm Licking Scarlett Johansson." Or even better, "I'm Fisting Angelina."
On the subject of comedians, who knew that Hillary 'Seven-Sisters' Clinton could deliver a hilarious turn of phrase? Upon hearing this sure sign of the Apocalypse news, that uber rightwing nut-job Anne Coulter would campaign for Hillary over John McCain if they won their party's nominations, Hills remarked, "Well, you see, I told you I could bring the country together."
Right on Hillary, but I'm pretty sure conservative Coulter is just trying to sabotage a Clinton nomination when Coulter says that Hills is more conservative on national security than McCain. Stand strong Hills and don't take the bait. Actually, this is one time Hills should send Bill in to do her dirty work. Perhaps Anne and Bill could join forces with Ilene Chaiken and indulge in some lingerie�clad, lesbian Turkish Oil wrestling. My money's on Anne in that mano y mano match-up!
It's O-squared on Barack's campaign trail. That's right! Big Mama Oprah is out stumping for Barack Obama to win the Democratic nomination. And like a good son, Barack played to the Big O's ego and said he'd make her his Vice if he won. While O and O are about to change the world together, Oprah's fave poet Maya Anglelou endorsed Hillary. I smell a falling out about to occur. Oprah's like her own brand of Scientology. Those who dare disagree wind up in the back of a windowless white van only to be spat out looking like glassy-eyed Katie Holmes.
Repeated attempts to manifest American Idol runner-up Kat McPhee's lesbian tendencies have been for naught. The hottest 20-ish year old to writhe around on AI's stage to ours and Simon's Cowell's pleasure said, "I do," to her 20-years her senio – Humbert Humbert – boyfriend Nick Cokas. On the guest list at Kat' Beverly Hills nuptials, were famed ditz with the gosh-wow boob job Kellie Pickler and celebrity spawn Rumer Willis. Now that Kat's a federally-recognized hetero, it falls to original Idol Kelly Clarkson to continue pissing off record mogul Clive Davis with her pseudo-feminist rants and to someday come into the lesbian fold – as it were!
Like an Herme's bag from the trunk of a beat up Oldsmobile, you can never have too many Sex and the City knock-offs. While Lucy Liu and the gals have been bringing on the high fashion bitch factor over at Cashmere Mafia – not to mention a girl on girl storyline – Big Babe Brooke Shields swings from a few vines in Lipstick Jungle, with a little help from Lorraine Bracco as fur-sporting uber-bitch.
While Mafia boasts SATC writer and ultra-power homo Darren Starr, Jungle's based on a book by SATC's creator Candace Bushnell. Here's hoping for some Mafia / Jungle cross-pollination with Lucy Liu and Brooke Shields engaged in lesbian Turkish Oil Wrestling.
The New England Patriots losing a perfect season to the underdog New York Giants is a sure sign that witchcraft is alive and well in ole New England! Hot-assed Bridget Moynahan – who played kissy face with Heather Graham in Gray Matters – surely put a hex on her ex, Patriots pretty boy Quarterback Tom Brady, who couldn't throw worth a damn in Sunday's Superbowl. Let it be known that that the next guy who knocks up Bridgit and dumps her while she's pregnant only to shack up with super-model Gisele Bundchen, will suffer a similar fate!
Finally – and this is gonna make Mike Huckabee's pin-head spin off his family values touting torso – "Sperm cells have been created from a female human embryo in a remarkable breakthrough that suggests it may be possible for lesbian couples to have their own biological children," according to the Telegraph.co.uk. "British scientists who had already coaxed male bone marrow cells to develop into primitive sperm cells have now repeated the feat with female embryonic stem cells."
That's right girls! No more begging from sperm from your gay boyfriends! – Issued by Gay Link Content
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