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Gossip So Good, It's Got To Be Gay

Ross von Metzke | January 30, 2008

Heath Ledger, Paris Hilton and more...

As upsetting as the death of 28-year-old Academy Award nominee Heath Ledger has been, the media spectacle surrounding his death has been infuriating – down right disgusting even. They say it comes with the territory of being famous, and in the case of someone like Anna Nicole Smith – upsetting as that debacle made me – the media may have a point. When you devote your life to courting the attention of cameras, it stands to reason they�ll follow you just as closely in death.

But Heath Ledger – and, with him, ex-fianc�e Michelle Williams and two year old daughter Matilda – went out of his way to stay out of the public eye (at least, as out of his way as an actor can go). He didn�t live in Los Angeles. The only movie premieres he turned up at were his own.

Yet still, the media feels justified in following Williams� mother Carla as she makes her way down a Brooklyn street to the actress� apartment to offer comfort. They wait by the SUV door as Williams hands off her daughter to a security guard wrapped in a blanket, desperate to snap a pic – kudos to Williams� they didn�t manage to get one.

FOX News Talk Network host John Gibson saw Ledger�s death as one ripe with opportunity to play sound bytes from Brokeback Mountain and offer his riveting commentary.

A sample?

In the film, Ledger�s character says (cue sound-byte): �I wish I knew how to quit you.�

Gibson�s response? �Well, he found out how to quit you,� followed by a guffaw, the likes of which only a right wing Republican with clogged arteries and busted blood vessels across the bridge his nose from years of abusing the bottle can make.

You can dish it out, but can you take it? Petitions are underway as we speak to have Gibson�s ass tossed off the air.

And then come the rumors. That Mary Kate Olsen and Ledger were dating. That Ledger used to indulge in drug binges with Naomi Campbell on the club scene. That Ledger�s apartment was a hotbed of illegal substances. All unsubstantiated claims, at this point – but that doesn�t stop the press from speculating.

The three ring circus surrounding Ledger�s death downplays all of his major accomplishments in life. He was one of the finest actor�s of his generation, but most accounts an all around good guy and an actor who turned in one of the most groundbreaking performances the gay community has ever – and likely will ever – see.

Ledger will clearly be missed.

And yet, with all of this media fuss, Britney Spears still managed to land herself in the headlines. At first, I was going to make this another Britney free week – I just couldn�t imagine coming back from seeing a superb line-up of films at Sundance and having to write about her – but she went and did something a bit crazy even for her� something that warrants a word or two.

A judge has deemed Britney unfit to care for her own kids – so who in their right mind is going to believe her lawyer sent her to an elementary school to fetch his kids.

That�s what Britney tried to convince some lady at a Beverly Hills elementary school – that she was parked out front waiting for her lawyer�s kids to get out of class. According to US Weekly, Spears sat there for about ten minutes, smoking a cigarette and talking to herself, before she got out of the car, weaved this yarn to a female onlooker, and then took off – without any kids.

If only they�d managed to get that on tape – that would likely seal Brit�s custody case shut for ever.

On second thought, doesn�t Tatum O�Neal still have her kids?

Managing to occupy her time with something more productive than shopping for someone else�s kids, Paris Hilton is gallivanting around the globe to promote her new movie, The Hottie and the Nottie – and in her down time, she blogged about it.

She writes� �Hey everyone! Hope you all had an amazing new year so far. I have, and I've never been happier. Last night we had the first screening of my movie The Hottie and the Nottie in Dallas, Texas, at the Regent Park Theater. It was so exciting to be watching it for the first time with a live audience and the response was incredible. It made me so very happy and proud to be a part of such an amazing project. It's a hilarious film with both a beautiful message and a fun love story... it's the perfect date movie!�

She continues with banter about the film – which I have to admit I�ve seen and she�s right� it is cute – and uses the opportunity to plug her gifted co-stars.

But what I want to know is how Paris manages to down champagne, swing from chandeliers, dance on tables, make out with guests and close down clubs and still be on early morning flights to promote all of this stuff.


More power to her – that takes real talent. Maybe she does the whole over the shoulder trick – none of the booze actually go in her mouth� she just tossed the drink back and Britney catches it in her mouth.

Ellen DeGeneres got a surprise 50th birthday call this week – from Mary Poppins.

That�s so gay. Poppins even called her sexy. That�s lesbian and gay in one sitting... practically perfect in every way.

After dropping to a low bass, the secret caller revealed himself to be Justin Timberlake, who managed to call Ellen hot and sexy more times in a four minute call than Anne Heche probably did in their entire relationship.

Take that imposter lesbian.

The two vowed to play Guitar Hero together the next time Justin was in town (Ellen�s an expert – Justin�s on regular� go fig) and ended things with Justin telling Ellen how sexy she looks� for 70.

Seventy? That�s hot� I�d have pegged Ellen for 65 in those Jaclyn Smith collection sweater sets, but she�s rockin� the 70.

And because I love a good shout out to a crusty old bitch (actually, she's only 50, if you can believe it), Kathleen Turner is releasing her auto-biography, and she has a thing or three to say to some of Hollywood�s bigger names.

On Nicolas Cage (co-star of Peggy Sue Got Married) "Oh, that stupid voice of his and the fake teeth! Honestly, I cringe to think about it. He caused so many problems. He was arrested twice for drunk-driving�"

On Raquel Welch (who apparently tried to replace Turner in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof) "'Well, I just don't think that Kathleen has ever been feline enough,' we heard her say. She was going around the stage with her hands like claws, hissing and making cat gestures. Oddly enough, the producers decided not to use her."

And on Burt Reynolds: "Making that dialogue work needed real skill. It had to be fast; it had to be sharp. But Burt just couldn't do it. The director finally said: 'Look, why don't we just shoot line by line?' And, idiot that I am, I shot back: 'Because it's called a scene, that's why.'"

And now I know why Kathleen Turner hasn�t made a film in six years.

Yet still, I worship the bitch! I�d pay to see her do an Elaine Stritch style one woman show� sans the leggings.

And that, folks, is that� remember, take the time to stop and smell the gossip. – Gay Link Content

  • Ross von Metzke is the Entertainment Editor of Gay Web Monkey and GayWired.com. The former Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine, his work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Link. Ross lives in Los Angeles.

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