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Gossip So Good, It's Got To Be Gay


Ross von Metzke | January 14, 2008

Men don�t really come much hotter than Eddie Cibrian

Alright, we�ve probably talked about this hunk about a hundred times with regard to his body of work, but based on a couple of recent guest-starring turns, I feel the need to pull him out of the woodwork yet again.

Men don�t really come much hotter than Eddie Cibrian. He�s got the whole package� and near as we can see, it�s a mighty nice one. The abs, the buns, the dimples, the smile, the perfectly bronzed skin. It�s almost too much to handle.

When ABC yanked Invasion from the air, I was crushed. Not because it was all that good of a show – because any show that allows Eddie to run around shirtless every other episode is worth watching. Things looked up for a hot minute when Eddie joined the cast of Vanished – except it vanished two episodes later. When ABC recruited Eddie for the cast of Football Wives, I went through the roof – then they canned it before the pilot aired.

Talk about your bad luck.

Well Eddie popped up on two shows this year – Dirty Sexy Money, wearing nothing but a towel and Samantha Who?, wearing little more.

There is a God!

Oh good lord!

Good lord, good lord, good lord. No sooner is Britney sprung from the psych ward than she�s gallivanting around the globe – first to Palm Springs for a one day get away with her pusher lover Adnan Ghalib, then to New York and Baja California, depending on which Loch Ness sighting you believe.

While in Rosarito, Brit allegedly sprung for a pair of Gucci knockoffs and dropped $60 on a religious artifact, �rosario.� Hey, at least she�s not shortchanging these folks – that sounds about like going rate.

Stateside, her parents flew into damage control following an appearance by family lawyer Lou Taylor on The Today Show lambasting Dr. Phil for making his meeting with Britney public. Lou claimed she was acting as the family�s spokesperson, but Britney�s manager (when this happened, we�re not quite sure) Sam Lufti says that�s not true. He told Entertainment Tonight Dr. Phil showed up at Cedars at their request and that he and Brit hit it off really well.

You hit it off with someone you meet over cocktails� not a therapist who�s trying to get you into an in patient rehab facility. Besides, if Sam is Brit�s publicist, why the hell is he talking for her parents?

Something�s fishy in the Spears family – and it�s not just Brit�s panty-less vag.

Let�s just hope Jamie Lynn is looking into daycare facilities out of state.

You know, a South Florida judge has the right idea. Moments after he sprung booted American Idol contestant Jessica Sierra from the slammer provided she hightail it right back to Dr. Drew�s rehab facility in California, the dumb bitch held a press conference.

WTF?

Yeah, judgey seriously didn�t like that – so he banned Jessica from going within 1,000 yards of a mic or a TV camera for the foreseeable future. There's a few ladies who outta follow that advice.

�Those mics are like a magnet to you�, he told her.

Um, isn�t this the girl who made a sex tape to score cash for her coke habit? Do cell phone cams count?

Jessica pre-taped an interview for Tyra just weeks before her latest arrest (for public drunkenness – though she completed a stint on Dr. Drew�s Celebrity Rehab – and wrestling with a cop) in which she revealed that her mother was a prostitute with a heroin addiction – who OD�d while Jessica was auditioning for American Idol.

That�s some heavy shit – much worse than Dina Lohan lying about being a Rockette so she could use the old �show biz runs in our family� press hook.

On the subject of jail, Lost star and unconfirmed lesbian (unless you ask L Word star Kristanna Loken, who claims the two got hot and heavy) Michelle Rodriguez is back on the streets.

Though the trouble making drunk driver was sentenced to 180 days behind bars, the same sheriff who let Paris Hilton out on the streets days before her scheduled release gave Michelle a get out of jail free card after just 17 days.

His reason?

Due to prison overcrowding, it�s customary to let a prisoner out after serving 10% of their sentence.

That�s actually 9.4% of her sentence, if you want to be technical. Bitch should go back for another day, just to inconvenience her.

If you consider that last year, she served just 4 hours of a 60 day sentence, she should go back to jail for 6 and a half days. I mean, if we�re doing fair and equal treatment across the board.

Michelle let her fans know with a news posting on her official Web site. How nice. Most performers use that spot to tell fans when their new movies open� for Michelle, it�s just a way to say �I�m out of the pokey.�

Let�s hope she doesn�t piss anyone off for a while.

Of course, if these B-grade celebrities keep getting DUI�s, I can�t really blame cops for letting them out early. I mean, there�s only so much space.

Mischa Barton, who got killed off of The OC a hot minute before the show got cancelled, called in to Ryan Seacrest�s radio show Thursday to say she takes full responsibility for her DUI.

What about the drugs?

Mischa, who was caught drunk, in possession of pot and prescription drugs without her name on them and driving without a valid license, says it was a move she never plans to make again.

She claims, as a New Yorker at heart, she�s never had to drive on a regular basis, but sometimes in L.A., it�s unavoidable and she was just trying to get her car home.

Why the fuck does she have a car if she doesn�t have a license? I mean, come on. I know having to slum it in a supporting role in the t.a.T.u. biopic can�t possibly pay big bucks, but Mischa has to be pulling in at least enough to spring for a cab.

Without all that makeup, she just looks like your standard slutty Midwesterner trolling the Sunset strip – it�s not like the paps would be on to her.

And in other news – yes, there are things more pressing than jail time folks – Pam Anderson, who�s been rumored to be divorcing Paris Hilton�s one night stand Rick Soloman more times this year than Erica Kane�s walked down the aise (and consider that it�s the 14th of January) – may be pregnant.

Yeah, rumors are being bandied about that the 40-year-old buxom blonde is with child.

Fifty bucks says if she breast feeds the kid dies of silicone poisoning.

Then, in classic Pam style, a simple blog with the word �No� appeared on her Web site this morning.

No she�s not pregnant?

No she�s not getting a divorce?

No she�s not Pam Anderson?

Words to chew on.

Til next time, remember – take time to stop and smell the gossip! – Gay Link Content


  • Ross von Metzke is the Entertainment Editor of Gay Web Monkey and GayWired.com. The former Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine, his work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Link. Ross lives in Los Angeles.


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