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Gossip So Good, It's Got To Be Gay


Ross von Metzke | January 10, 2008

And so the new year starts

As many of you know, I live for the days when someone just emails me photos of a hot guy and I don�t have to go and track them down. So a big thank you to a couple of friends who flooded my inbox with photos of fitness model James Ellis this morning. While I�d like to think that in a post holiday spiral his abs have been somewhat deflated, I know, having lived in Los Angeles far too long, he probably looks better than he did before downing in quick succession thighs, potatoes and mac and cheese.

Bloody models.

Not that I mind all that much. After all, without models who dedicate their lives to the gym, who would we average folk have to drool over?

For those of you interested in James� body (of work), he�s an Exercise for Men cover model, a Rufskin jeans hottie and the latest fitness hunk to join forces with former Buzz hottie David Rich for a series of workout intensives. Their look great naked series has amassed quite a loyal following, and why shouldn�t it – who wouldn�t want to look like a one time Playboy centerfold?

Before we dive into some Hollywood dirt (three guesses who leads the charge this week), a couple of photos of James to whet your appetite.

But of course! In the hours since sitting down to write this, Britney's gone off her rocker again, this time landing herself in the psych ward. Honestly, at this point, it's passed entertaining and gone directly to sad without passing go or collecting $200. For an update on her condition, read here!

Once, just once, I�d like another celebrity to fuck up more than Britney Spears. Not that I�m wishing ill will on the sea of Hollywood starlets out there, but it sure would make this column a whole lot less predictable.

News flash – Britney�s at it again, this time missing her fourth scheduled deposition in her child custody hearing because she� well, we�re not quite sure what she was doing.

Previous excuses that her alarm clock didn�t go off and that she was suffering an anxiety attack were issued through her legal team. This time, though, a reason wasn�t given, prompting her legal team to step down. All the while, Britney – who would have been smart to stay out of sight for the afternoon – was filmed caravanning around town in her Cedes, hand clamped over her mouth.

Bad fish, Britney?

Whatever cause Brit to make the universal sign for �I�m gonna Ralph�, she spent about an hour driving aimlessly in her car and then beat it back to her luxury pad in the hills.

Then, some sorry ass judge who apparently has nothing better to do with his spare time than sit around and wait for Britney to surface, decided to give the pop tart one last shot. And today, finally, Britney showed up for her deposition� her legal team standing by her once again. She showed up late and left early.

Where she was off to, who can say? Maybe Starbucks is having one of their frequent customer appreciation days and Britney had to make it on time to receive her complimentary double shot of bull shit.

Further down the Spears food chain, this is where I would typically plug the latest challenges unwed, underage mama to be Jamie Lynn Spears is facing as she plugs along toward motherhood, but GayWired.com writer Bryan Ochalla has done the leg work for me in an open letter to the soon to be first-time mom... where he addresses rumors like the one about the 40-something Nickelodeon exec who may have knocked her up.

Statutory rape? That her mom would pimp her out for a dollar? That she�s indeed six months pregnant?

I LOVE IT!

Of course, a letter to Jamie Lynn would be pointless if it didn�t include her mom. Check out what he has to say to the dynamic duo.

At the very least – and, admittedly, at this point, that�s not saying much – Jamie Lynn is seemingly enjoying a sober pregnancy.

Sobriety, however, is often challenged this time of year in Hollywood. As celebs ring in the New Year round the globe, the alcohol is typically free flowing.

Which might explain why reports are trickling in accompanied by video footage of Lindsay Lohan chugging what looks like champagne straight from the bottle.

Lohan has been in living it up in Capri, where she reportedly dropped damn near $1,000 on booze for some of her closest friends.

Apparently trying to escape U.S. awards season – while others bask in the glow of their Golden Globe nominations, Lohan was voted the worst actress of the year by a poll of some 4,000 moviegoers – Lohan hightailed it over to the Euro hot spot with her bleach blonde bangs, her very hairy hook up (see pics here) and some bubbly.

While folks from said party are attempting to spin the video – �there were plenty of non-alcoholic beverages to drink� one source said – how many times have you and your closest friends taken to the dance floor to chug a bottle of Martinelli�s Sparkling Cider? At that point, just gimme a Red Bull and let�s call it a night.

According to a quote received by the Huffington Post, Lohan's lawyer said: "The good news was that Lindsay stopped herself that night, called her sponsor, and got herself immediately back on track. There is no magic cure here. The most unfortunate part of this is that Lindsay has to share her 'one day at a time' with the entire world."

Hey, her little sis could always go out and get pregnant. That�d take the heat off Lindsay.

THERE'S MORE!

At least there�s one list Lindsay didn�t make – that of celebs supposedly banned from seeing Victoria Beckham perform live.

Apparently, just as most celebs have a guest list when they roll into town, when the Spice Girls come to a venue near you, Posh also hands over list of folks she wants banned from the arena – British folk mostly.

Two of whom, at least, have gone head to head with Vicky on the charts.

No Lily Allen – and judging from some of this chick�s blogs, I can�t say I blame her. She sounds nuts.

Sophie Ellis Bextor – I suppose I�d want to keep a girl whose biggest hit is called �Murder on the Dance Floor� away from me too.

Graham Norton – I guess not all the gays love Posh.

And Jordan. Who�s Jordan? A British socialite who looks like a cross between Anna Nicole Smith and Jenna Jameson.

She probably tried to mount David... hell, screw having her banned from the arena. I'd hire a hitman and have the bitch offed.

No word on what happens if the other four Spice Girls try and sneak a peek at Posh�s dressing room.

And in perhaps the week�s most pathetic news, apparently cash call called about their money – and Gary Coleman didn�t have the funds.

What�s a former child star who lost all his dough to money grubbing parents to do? Pick up a few polos and khakis from Gap, sign his John Hancock and put the pint sized clothing up for auction.

At last check, Gary Coleman�s signed khakis had attracted a measly $24.50 in bids – and that�s less than those things run at Old Navy.

I have a friend who used Cash Call once – those loans run at a 70% interest rate. Gary should set his sights higher� autograph a few pairs of Dolce & Gabbana undies and see what he can fetch.

For more info on the saddest attempt by a has been to get money since Screech begged folks to save his house from foreclosure, click here!

And that, my friends, is the end of another sad week for Hollywood. Until we meet again, remember to take time to stop and smell the gossip! – Gay Link Content


  • Ross von Metzke is the Entertainment Editor of Gay Web Monkey and GayWired.com. The former Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine, his work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Link. Ross lives in Los Angeles.


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