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Gossip So Good, It's Got To Be Gay

Ross von Metzke | December 21, 2007

Because it�s the holiday season

Because there�s never a bad time of year to open a sizable package.

Because we feel like it.

Our gift to you – Ryan Berry, aka, Reichen�s boy toy.

And will you get a load of these photos? Hot as Reichen is (and, believe you me, the man is smoking hot), his other half is giving him a run for his money. First he wins an Armani Exchange underwear competition (guess he did the best job filling out his briefs). Then he lands himself on the cover of Aussie pub DNA Magazine.

Is there anyone among us who wouldn�t kill to wake up Christmas morning with that stuffed under the tree?

I can�t really think of much more to say other than� wow!

Talk about taking one for the team.

Just when things looked like they couldn�t get much worse for Britney Spears – postponed trial to determine custody, rumors she�s pregnant with a third kid, rumors the courts plan to order drug testing on her kids – along comes little 16-year-old Jaime Lynn to steal some focus for herself� she�s pregnant.

And the father is 19.

How did this happen? I mean, as Mama Spears said herself, Jaime Lynn was such a good girl – solid morals, never broke curfew. I mean, Jaime Lynn is a good Christian girl� she met this boy in church. Where did it all go wrong?

Did I by chance fail to mention Jaime Lynn was living with this boy – with her mom�s consent? It doesn�t take a Nickelodeon show to figure out 1 + 1 = 2, and teens who happen to be dating living alone together does not a �saving myself for marriage� scenario make. And to think Lynne Spears was honestly shocked. Really?

Something tells me no one in the Spears household is having that sage birds and the bees talk. Condoms anyone?

Anyhoo, Jaime Lynn is keeping said kid and not marrying the father – at least that mandate seems to have gone out of fashion in the South.

Whether she has a job while she�s changing diapers, who can say?

Nickelodeon doesn�t exactly seem like the type of network that would write an out of wedlock teen pregnancy by a guy who�s committing statutory rape into their high-school comedy lineup.

With any luck, someone will keep a watchful eye on Jaime Lynn during her pregnancy. The last thing we need is another doped up mama shuttling her kids from Starbucks to Starbucks.

At the very least, here�s hoping Jaime Lynn�s kid shows her more love than Nicole Kidman�s tots. Her two adopted kids with Tom Cruise don�t even call her mom, the actress claims. They call her Nicole – which pisses her off.

What probably pisses her off even more is Katie Holmes� recent announcement that Nicole�s kids actually call her mom.

Ouch. That�s gotta sting.

I mean, come on, Katie. You don�t think that might have been a minor detail you wanted to leave out of the Parade Magazine interview? You don�t go around telling America someone else�s kids call you mom. That ain�t right.

As if that were not enough for Nicole to contend with, her much acclaimed work in Margot at the Wedding failed to score the Oscar winner a Golden Globe nomination; at the same time, her big budget epic The Golden Compass is tanking at the box office stateside, largely because the Catholic Church claims its anti Semitic and is boycotting the flick.

Funny – that�s the same reason I went.

Other than allusions to an organization that thrives on brainwashing the less educated folks of the world into a belief system they don�t understand, I really don�t get the comparison.

In other news, in case you haven't been paying attention, Liza Minnelli is still a drunk.

For those of you wondering how Liza�s been doing since her fall from stage last week, she�s fine. She�s sober Sally near as we can tell.

Oh – you thought she went down cuz of her hip?

Ha ha ha – that�s what she wants you to believe.

But according to a Swedish news syndicate, Liza went down as the result of too much booze and pain killers. How very Judy of her.

A YouTube of her performance (which has since been removed – what are the chances) showed an obviously disoriented Liza warbling her way through one mess of a tune. The words are slurred, she can barely hit the notes and then wham� down faster than Jenna Jameson and at an AVN convention.

Meanwhile, David Gest has been hospitalized for an undisclosed illness. Even in divorce, that kooky combo is still on the same cycle.

Before we sign off, in the spirit of Christmas, a video you must enjoy� from the original Lamb herself, Mariah Carey on how she wanted Thanksgiving cancelled.

Did we mention she�s admittedly a bit tossed?

Only Mariah.

Mariah and her glass of wine! White wine� and it�s gone! Ha ha! Watch it here!

And that's it folks... our last new column of 2007.

Til then, remember... take some time to stop and smell the gossip! – Gay Link Content

  • Ross von Metzke is the Entertainment Editor of Gay Web Monkey and GayWired.com. The former Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine, his work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Link. Ross lives in Los Angeles.

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