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This week in the world of lesbian gossip


Tracy E. Gilchrist | December 14, 2007

Out or not?

Now that she�s broken free from the bonds of the perpetual closet, Jodie Fister – I mean Foster – is no longer tormented by the screaming of the lambs! Hooray to the hottest tomboy on the block for blowing a proverbial kiss to her longtime companion Cydney Bernard when accepting the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award at the 16th Annual Women in Entertainment Power 100 breakfast last week.

While it�s not exactly on par with Empress Ellen Degeneres� �Yep I�m Gay� Time magazine spread – and by spread, I mean spread – Jodie, before a crowd of her closeted-est – I mean closest�Hollywood peers, thanked "my beautiful Cydney who sticks with me through all the rotten and the bliss�. The apple of Jodie�s eye, and the co-parent of her two boys, Jodie met Cydney on the set of the God-awful 1993 flick Sommersby, in which even Jodie�s double Academy Awards and stellar acting skills couldn�t compensate for the black hole of sexual energy between her and urban legend / gerbil-loving Richard Gere.

If her tip of her fedora to Cydney wasn�t enough of a kinda sorta coming out, an uncharacteristically candid Jodie went on to call herself a gentelemen and a fruitcake – not unlike Gere�s An Officer and a Gentleman. "I don't feel very powerful. I feel fragile... unsure, struggling to figure it all out, trying to get there even though I'm not sure where there is... I've been working in this business for 42 years and there's no way you can do that and not be as nutty as a fruitcake,� Jodie told the crowd, which included long-rumored homos John Travolta and Queen Latifah.

Sure, Jodie�s never pulled a Big Rosie O�Donnell and ranted on about lesbian bed-death before millions of hapless heartland housewives on The View. Still, Jodie and her trucker voice have never �doth protested too much� either. During her Yalie days, a lunatic white boy, John Hinckley, attempted to assassinate then President Ronald Reagan just to get on Jodie�s radar. It�s no big surprise that Jodie hasn�t flown her private life like Pride flag over West Hollywood�s Santa Monica Boulevard. Like Charlie over his speaker phone to the Angels, Jodie might not have always been visible but she�s spoken to us.

The day before Jodie wiggled her pinky toe out the closet door, the Brave One handed out an award to The Trevor Projects� founders at its annual Cracked Xmas event. Also on hand for the event was Big Ellen – an honoree – and her hot piece of nip/tuck tail, Portia di Rossi. Perhaps Jodie was merely inspired by Ellen and Portia�s PDA and she decided Cydney would never be a back door girl again – in public that is� At any rate, congrats to Jodie. The lesbian community couldn�t ask for a more together celebrity role model. Why settle for Tila Tequila when Jodie�s Stealing Home for the team?

On the subject of public outings, Queen "fence-sitter" Latifah has refuted rumors that she and her longtime personal trainer, Jeanette Jenkins, were on the brink of a shotgun wedding. 'When you're famous these days, it's just part of the deal – unfortunately. People will make up all sorts of things that are not true... There ain't gonna be no wedding,� Queen of the Heaving Cleavage told the Chicago Sun Times. At least the Queen didn�t whip out her tired old Glamour line about how the gay rumors haven�t harmed her appeal with the less fair sex, or the �gentlemen,� as she says.

Oh well, maybe Queen and Jeanette intend to live in sin for the remainder of their working, trainer/trainee relationship. Yeah right! Straight or gay, Queen�s a big ole top and ain�t nobody, including a trainer, telling her what to do! Since she and Jeanette can never qualify their �friendship� with a seal of approval and a piece of paper from the state – or the religious right – Queen�s doomed to live a life of purgatory unless she finds herself a nice piece of man meat or moves to Massachusetts anyway�

Meanwhile, now that Ellen doesn�t have to pussyfoot around with this coming out crap anymore, the Big E�s, the outest of out Lesbo celebs has moved on to crank calling our family values ideologue and beloved President G.W. Bush, via his daughter, that is. That�s right, Ellen�s Sapphic charm convinced first daughter Jenna Bush to dial up Daddy for a little pre-Holiday pow-wow on her show last week. Former party girl and poster child for the greatest newspaper headline of all time, �Jenna and Tonic�, Jenna and Ellen, who hit it off like sorority sisters after a few keg stands and a spin the bottle session, likely had a little nip �o� eggnog previous to their chit-chat.

G. W.�s end of the phone line was rife with dead air for a second until first Lady Laura Bush likely held up a sign that said: �She�s on the Ellen Degeneres show. You know, that show starring that dangerous and powerful bull-dyke.� In the end, G.W. stammered for a minute, told his daughter he loved her and actually came off slightly resembling a thinking, feeling human being who didn�t send thousands of troops to Iraq under false pretenses. Damn!

At 40, big-mouthed beauty Julia Roberts landed herself in the hot seat as an American Cinematheque honoree. A string of Julia�s former testosterone-heavy co-stars including, Bruce Willis, Denzel Washington and Blair Underwood waxed horny about Julia�s assets. The estrogen set honoring Julia included her Steel Magnolias� mum Sally Field, Shirley MacLaine and Marcia – sadly not gay – Harden.

Remembering Julia through the years, was like a stroll down my nascent, randy lesbian rumblings. Mystic Pizza, Sleeping with the Enemy, Steel Magnolias – how Julia kept me up at night wearing out my VHS copies of her flicks. The evening�s low-brow moment belonged to goody-two- shoes, Natalie Portman, who starred with Julia in the partner swapping meditation on overt heterosexuality in Mike Nichol�s Closer. For those who haven�t seen the flick, there�s loads of cheating, backstabbing, f***ing and cursing to go around.

Little, not-so-innocent Natalie told the crowd that in honor of the film�s naughty language, on the first day of shooting, she presented Julia with a pendant that read, �C**t�. And Julia, never one to be one-upped, Natalie explained that on the day the film wrapped, Julia returned the sentiment and gave Natalie a pendant that bore the words, �Little C**t�. Awwww, such mutual appreciation just warms the heart�and the loins.

It�s Obama and Oprah 2008, now that the Queen of Media, Oprah, has endorsed and rallied for Barack Obama. Just as the Big �O� made a star out of A Million Little Pieces author James Frey – only to publicly flay him after he pulled the wool over hers and a million or so readers eyes, Oprah�s backing Obama. With Oprah on Obama�s team, Hillary Clinton might as well hang up her power suit and bake pies for Bill.

Sure, Obama�s great� he�s got hope etc� If you ask me Oprah�s got a school-girl crush on Obama and she�ll destroy any powerful broad who stands before her. An Oprah and Hillary throw-down sounds fun. Maybe they�ll take to the ring and do some Turkish oil wrestling like in the upcoming L Word season.

Another powerful woman, Mistress Madonna has endorsed Hillary. Hills is amassing herself a collection of gay icons including Madge and Babs Streisand. If Hills can nab Bette Midler and Liza Minnelli, the gays will forget all about that nasty DOMA and Don�t Ask Don�t Tell Policy thing�

Here�s the quickie round-up of lesbo antics for the week.

Sassy-assed Sarah Shahi just can�t keep her lips off the ladies. Sure, the gay ladies remain in therapy two years after Sarah stopped banging Shane as Carmen de la Pica Morales on The L Word, but any nugget Sarah tosses will do. As Det. Dani Reese – a mini Mariska Hargitay ala Law and Order SVU – in last week�s episode of Life, Sarah�s character happened into a swinging sex party where a lingerie-clad hottie planted one on the leather-jacketed pistol packing detective.

Sarah now joins a long-standing tradition of innocuous, major Network, girl on girl kisses, beginning with Roseanne and Mariel Hemingway on Roseanne, Lucy Liu and Calista Flockheart on Ally McBeal and Winona Ryder and Jennifer Aniston on Friends.

Dirt-y girl and the hottest Friend, Courteney Cox is reportedly gunning for a Friends reunion. That Court�s a clever gal, looking out for hers and BFF Jennifer Aniston�s piggy banks since Dirt�s about to get washed away in its second season and Jen�s a little long in the tooth for the romantic comedy crap she�s been tanking in lately. A note to producers� if Friends reunites, a full-on imagining of those 10 years of lesbo-centric allusions�like Rachel and Monica making out to win their apartment back – is in order!

Pulling off a big-screen musical of Stephen Sondheim�s Sweeney Todd is no easy feat and apparently, director Tim Burton had to give up some continuity errors to get the job done. Former Merchant / Ivory darling smokin� Fight Club lunatic, Helena Bonham Carter, who plays pie maker Mrs. Lovett opposite Johnny Depp, says that in the film, her boobs give it all away. �Anyone� who pays attention to my breast size will see there�s no continuity. The first half of filming I wasn�t pregnant, and the second half I was, and because we didn�t� shoot in order, I start off with huge breasts and then I walk upstairs and suddenly I�ve got tangerines again. It�s melons to tangerines.� Well Helena, melons or tangerines, your fans have loved you since you first lifted your wide-brimmed hat clad head in A Room with a View 21 years ago. – Gay Link Content

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Queen Latifah – will she, won't she?

 

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