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This week in the world of lesbian gossip


Tracy E. Gilchrist | November 29, 2007

Entertainment Weekly�s top entertainers list

The world�s most famous pint-sized cheerleader, Heroes' Hayden Panettiere sluts it up for the boys in GQ magazine. But gay gals never fear, like any good vixen in the making, Hayden�s proving to be a downright lesbian Lolita. While cutie-pie Hayden, for whom some sleazy, testosterone ridden website created a countdown to her 18th – aka get out of jailbait free card – birthday, poses in childlike pervy man bait costumes for big boys, she�s spouted off about which A-List actresses whose pom-poms she�d like shake.

�You want to make me a lesbian? That�s fine with me. I�d love to have an affair with Angelina,� adding that if Angie�s preoccupado, little Hayden wouldn�t mind doing splits with gorgeous Lesbo catnippers Charlize Theron, Jessica Alba and Kate Beckinsale. A word to the wise for Hayden, Angie�s dance card is filled even if she and hunky man-meat Brad Pitt call it quits – and Hayden, Angie�s said she likes a partner who can top her and toss her around in the sack, so you�d better start hitting the free weights.

Speaking of High Holy Priestess of the Pornographically Hot Lips, Angelina, she�s nabbed a prestigious spot on Entertainment Weekly�s Top 25 Entertainers of the Year list. While about four people worldwide paid to see Angie�s �blackface� turn as Marianne Pearl in A Mighty Heart. EW cites Ange�s topnotch roles as cause for landing her a spot on its Valedictorian list. Really though, me thinks those film geeks over at EW much prefer Ange�s�f***ed with perfection – I mean CGI�ed naked bod in the smash bastardization of the oldest poem known to man, Beowulf, for her inclusion on the list.

Other smokin� sexy babes to make EW�s list is a fine set of over-40 actresses including Glenn Close for her turn as an uber-bitch, sadistic attorney on Damages; Holly Hunter for her slutty, alcoholic cop with the cutest Southern lisp below the Mason Dixon in Saving Grace; Kyra Sedgwick for her quirky, sugar-smacking investigator in The Closer, and mega-MILF Mary Louise Parker for her suburban, widowed pot-dealer in Weeds.

The good folks over at EW give a nod to hot nerd extraordinaire Tina Fey, for delivering the wry, insider look at television with 30 Rock and labeled her one of its �Class Clowns.� Of course, bespectacled babe Tina�s forced to share the �Class Clowns� category with the shlubby, chubby gang of nerdy boys who delivered modern masterpieces Knocked Up and Superbad. You know, the ones who write movies with the Hollywood ending where the fat, loser gets the hot girl.

Yawn – Grey�s-yawn-Anatomy�s Katherine�yawn�Heigl landed a slot in the category for �Most Popular��cuz it�s high school all over again and the least interesting girls always got the �most popular� superlative. Rising Country star and American Idol alumna Carrie Underwood also nabbed a coveted spot amongst the most popular celebrities.

Former supermodel and Ice Queen with the dominatrix accent, Heidi Klum�s back giving the axe to hopeful fashion designers on the runaway hit Project Runway. Surrounded by a harem of queens that make West Hollywood�s Boy�s Town look like a Republican convention – and I don�t mean the Larry Craig kind – Heidi�s all about bringing high fashion to the little people who can look but can�t afford it. Although, the gay boys and the few oddball women on the show blew collective gaskets when �fashion icon� and forever Carrie Bradshaw, Sarah Jessica Parker turned up to land a new design for her affordable clothing line, Bitten.

Poor SJP looked wholly uncomfortable enduring the inquisition-like judging process during which, Heidi, stick-up-his-ass designer Michael Kors and stick-up-her-ass Elle Editor Nina Garcia ripped the contestants to shreds. Sweetie Sarah looked like she�d just walked several miles in the contestants� Jimmy Choos. At the end of the day, Sarah chose a black dress with a little plaid vest by designer climber Victoria Hong to add to the Bitten collection. Good on Victoria for her win. A smart gal, she pulled that little number right out of the Carrie Bradshaw closet. A great designer knows to always appeal to the ego.

On the subject of good strategies, Presidential Candidate and Seven Sister Hillary Clinton pulled a play out of the ass-kissers handbook to disarm ideologically challenged right winger and The View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck. It seems ole Hills turned on her hubby Bill Clinton�s charm and sent a congratulatory note to Little Lezzie – uh lissy – for churning out another Bush baby with husband Tim Hasselbeck.

Likely blindsided by post-partum hormone shifts, Lissy emailed Barbara Walters saying that Clinton's note was "truly a most thoughtful and warm act. I may actually change my vote." That Hillary is one clever, shifty woman. The way to a glassy-eyed conservative mother�s heart is by complimenting her kids. Good move Hills! Still, it warms my Grinch heart to think little Lissy and Hills have made nice.

There�s nothing like getting cuffed by Julia Roberts to commemorate World Aids Day. Forever a friend to the gays, big-mouthed beauty Julia has collaborated on designing a bracelet with Giorgio Armani. He�s gay right? Maybe that�s just a hideous stereotype that all designers are gay. Anyway, Jules� and Armani�s $175 to $195 bracelet, available in leather red or brown, go on sale just in time for World AIDS Day, on December 1st, exclusively at emporioarmani.com as part of the (Product) RED collection.

Julia�s leather restraint – uh bracelet – features a �tree of life� and the words �Revolution-Evolution-Devotion". And for those who�ve wanted to feel close to Ms. Julia since her turn in Mystic Pizza, the bracelets also feature the initials �JR� stamped on the inside.

It seems as though there�s some Bionic butt-kicking going on behind the scenes of the inferior update Bionic Woman between – why was she cast – Michelle Ryan, who can�t fill Lindsay Wagner�s tennis shoes, and sci-fi lobs fave Katee Sackhoff as the arch-nemesis Sarah Corvus. With its steadily declining ratings, Bionic Woman just might tank with the writers� strike. But before it tanked faster than Isaiah Washington�s reputation, it seems that Sackhoff had no love for Ryan behind the scenes. Katee�s likely wondering why the f*** she didn�t land the plumb role. Oh girls� bury the hatchet and make out already and preferably on camera�

While Turkey�s were basting, Big Rosie O�Donnell was having her face chewed off by another kind of bird – a wedge-tailed eagle – on nip/tuck. That�s right, the Big O�s back as lottery winner Dawn Budge and she�s laugh out loud funny. Plus, Rosie�s character gets a night-time visit from a latex-gloved ass bandit. It ain�t pretty but after a whole lot of controversy and crazy, Rosie proves she�s just not going away. – Gay Link Content

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