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This week in the world of lesbian gossip


Tracy E. Gilchrist | November 07, 2007

It's The L Word again

Those loopy Lesbos over at The L Word just wrapped shooting on another season chock-full of girl on girl angst and witty, insider repartee, according to OurChart.com – Ilene Chaiken�s Internet paean to slutty interconnectedness. While the gang at Showtime gears up to titillate and taunt drooling fans with Season 5 snippets, a former L Word-er spills to The Advocate about her fantasy hook-ups.

Since Sarah Shahi�s career trajectory wagged The L Word dog�s tail, and producers were forced to write hot-assed Carmen out of the show, Carmen devotees have been consigned to the therapists� couch for co-dependency issues. But Sarah, who�s starring as a junior Mariska Hargitay ala Olivia Benson on Life, is a smart little cookie who recently kissed gay and lesbian ass in a sexy interview with The Advocate.

She�s So Hot Shahi�s Advocate interview includes gems like Sarah copping to having, �no aversion to playing a gay character again.� And here�s the real rub, celebrities fantasize too. Pretty Penelope Cruz and stunning Oscar winner Rachel Weisz are on Sarah�s short list of actresses with whom she�d like to go gay for pay. Now that the Latina Lesbo fantasy couple of Pretty Penny and Saucy Salma Hayek are forever parted – thanks to Salma finding love and a baby and some French dude, blah, blah, she�s happy – Sarah and Penny could be the next best thing.

If Hollywood films and reality television weren�t mind-numbing enough, The Writers Guild of America has gone all Norma Rae and taken to the picket lines. Talk shows, including the Queens of Daytime and the boys club of late night, will begin reruns ASAP, while scripted television and films in the works are safe until the script gravy train runs out. Since any dumbass with an opinion and a computer can hit the blogs and claim, �writer� on their resumé and society at large doesn�t notice or give a damn, these Screenwriters might have been better off just taking their lumps. Studio fat-cats are liable to just say f*** it and replace writers with trained, or even untrained, monkeys.

Still, if for no other reason, the writers� strike is worth it just to see the Holy Empress of Hot Nerds, Tina Fey, join the New York City picket line all fired up about writers� equal rights. There�s something so sexy about a big-brained, bespectacled gal�

Oprah�s resume includes Oscar-nominated actress, talk show host, entrepreneur, humanitarian, and so on, but now the Big O can claim hair stylist too. Discontent to merely host her talk show, Oprah got in on a makeover act and took a pair of hedge cutters to double-Oscar babe Hilary Swank�s long locks. Sadly, once Oprah got a hold of Hilary, she looked less like a Million Dollar Baby and more like a mid-western housewife whose coiffures are twenty years behind the times.

While Oprah was busy shagging Swank – rather, giving her a shag – Ellen Degeneres played dress up with Victoria Posh Spice Beckham. And much to my surprise, there�s actually a pretty cute personality lurking under Posh�s plastic exterior. In a futile, but funny, attempt to femme up the Big E, Posh decked Ellen out in a pair of over-sized sunglasses, a giant bag – that doubles as a shield from the paparazzi – and a pair of heels. Ellen teetered on the heels for a tad, looking rather awkwardly adorable, and then she butched Posh up in pair of tennis shoes. And then they made out – kidding.

Congrats to cutie-pie with a once promising career Katie Holmes for finishing the New York City Marathon in five hours and 29 minutes-plus. Tom Cruise�s bride ran the 26.2 mile course braless, no doubt practicing for her get-away from Tom and his band of merry Scientologists. Like Dustin Hoffman in Marathon Man, Katie�s gonna just keep running one of these nights when L. Ron Hubbard�s minions turn up to give her one of their famous lobotomies – I mean stress tests. Run Katie Run� and your lesbian fans will provide a safe house.

Big-mouthed beauty Julia Roberts graces the cover of this month�s Vanity Fair, and now that the Pretty Woman�s a mom to twins, she�s going Al Gore and thinking green. Not only does Julia wax on in Vanity Fair about growing her own veggies and composting, Julia�s become a humanitarian of sorts – not the Angelina Jolie school of adoption – but Julia�s ready to take lil ole f***ed up Britney Spears under her wing. �I see and hear what�s happening to Britney Spears and it�s all I can do not to move her into my guest-house and say, �OK, this is how it�s going to be!� And just take care of her.� With the writers� strike guaranteeing more crap programming, Boozy Britney shacked up in Julia�s guest house, in the room over the garage, or in the doghouse, is a reality show I�d tune in to gawk at.

Hollywood might be fresh out of good ideas and scripts but it just keeps casting away. Here�s the quickie casting down and dirty.

Ms. Meryl Streep – aka the greatest actress/ actor who ever lived – is slated to play culinary diva Julia Childs in the upcoming Julie and Julia. Chick flick director extraordinaire Nora Ephron�s helming the film based on a blog about some bored wannabe chef who attempted to recreate Childs� recipes and then tortured witless Internet readers by blogging about it. Really, I�m sure it�s better than all that. Joining the Empress Streep is the quirkily charming Amy Adams, who pulled down an Oscar nom for Junebug.

On the subject of Streep, Lions for Lambs hits theaters this week and poses a problem for Streep-aholics like me who�d rather sit in an AA Meeting for hours than pay to look at Tom Cruise�s glassy Scientologist eyes and giant schnoz. Still, Streep's powers are great and I�ll likely be lured in to check it out.

Winona �sticky fingers� Ryder�s been out of the limelight since she took a handful of downers and shoplifted at Saks but the original angst teen ala, the brilliantly dark Heathers, is back and looking damned smokin� – and nude – in Sex and Death 101. Wino Forever plays a sexed out predator opposite Aussie hottie Simon Baker. In an odd casting turn, Mindy Cohn, who won hearts and minds as the beloved chubster Natalie in The Facts of Life, also stars� hmmmm.

Finally, congrats to all the preggers starlets out there, including Christina Aguilera, who just confirmed her bump is more than mere bloating, Nicole Richie, Jennifer Lopez – whom bitchy Roberto Cavalli outed as pregnant, since as her designer, he had to keep letting her clothes out.

And the Virgin Queen is knocked up! Luminous Cate Blanchett, who wears armor like its fetish gear from her closet in Elizabeth: The Golden Age, has confirmed she�s pregnant with her third child. Now Cate�s a gal who could just keep copulating and churning them out. The world could do with a whole lot more Blanchett. – Gay Link Content

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