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Gossip So Good, It's Got To Be Gay

Ross von Metzke | October 22, 2007

This week's hot slab of beef

You know – people frequently ask me why I insist on starting every gossip column with a hottie of the week. And really, it�s simple.

I don�t get out much and I like a hot slab of beef whenever I can get it.

So if you�ll indulge me, I have another man I�d like you all to become acquainted with. His name is Scott – James Scott. He�s a Brit, currently playing a Brit on Days of Our Lives, formerly playing a Brit on All My Children, and I love him for three reasons.

First and foremost, he�s hot – and we all know hot gets hotter with an accent, our number two reason.

Number three is a bit more entertaining. He got arrested for taking his clothes off at some beach in Florida. Before you get all excited, this isn�t a case of Shemar Moore wandering onto a gay beach – he was with a lady friend. But when the cops ordered him to put his clothes back on, he responded with a sort of pissed off, �it works for the French�.


Who knew a little pooch could cause so much drama? One did – Iggy, to be exact. And apparently in a world where dogs die daily because shelters can�t find them a loving home, the adoption Gestapo that is Mutts and Moms would rather rip a pooch from the gated backyard of your typical, middle class family to prove a point than let said family bond with their newest member.

Marina Batkis, the alpha-bitch in question, has said Ellen DeGeneres and her girlfriend Portia deRossi violated a contract with her company stating that if they could not provide a loving home for the dog, they would return him.

Thinking she was doing Batkis a favor, DeGeneres gave the dog to her hairdresser and her daughter, thinking their loving home was better than a kennel.

Apparently, Batkis doesn�t agree, saying it�s her job to decide� she�s even said the hairdresser and her daughter might have been perfectly capable of providing a home for Iggy – had they just followed protocol.

What? She says their home is fine, but she still wants the dog back on a technicality.

This is a job for Judge Judy – don�t pee on her leg and tell her its raining.

Until then, take a look at Ellen reliving the horrible ordeal on her show.

Fans of Mimi are likely livid after learning that Mariah�s postponing the release of her new album until February because she doesn�t feel it�s quite ready yet. Maybe she spent too much time focusing on her �bleak diet of fish and vegetables� in yet another attempt to lose weight and forgot to finish recording?

What ever the case, Mariah looks great – she�s got her waistline from the mid �90s back. Now if only she could return those tits and ditch the flat iron, it�d be �Vision of Love� all over again!

Not that we�re really complaining. After all, Mimi�s got talent, which we know always prevails in the end.

And on the subject of talent, you know JLo put her head through the wall when she found out her latest CD, Brave, was not only the lowest debuting CD of her career, it landed with a thud a full 10 notches below LeAnn Rimes.

Don�t get me wrong – I love me some LeAnn. Girl can sing, sing, sing� but she�s had some trouble topping the charts in recent years. A number three debut is huge news for LeAnn – kudos!

A number 13 debut for Jennifer Lopez? Um – pray those twins make your life rich and full, because I�d say your music career�s about over. Too bad� �Do It Well�, the new single, gets me through the first four minutes of my workout every morning.

I�d wager to say everyone reading this column would agree all three of these aforementioned singers have more talent than Britney – who, by the way, lost her fucking kids again. I swear – a couple of drug tests, a driver�s license, not getting smashed in front of the kids� the court�s demands aren�t really all that serious. So what�s the problem?

The problem is Britney�s mental. Ape shit nuts, strung out, probably never dealt with her post-partum depression, belongs in an institution, insane. How else do you explain all this crazy, erratic behavior from the past two months. I mean, we�re in a gas crisis – who the fuck stops to fuel up once a day?

Though they aren�t officially saying what she did this time around, I think it�s pretty clear at this point where those kids belong.

With Christina Aguilera!

Or Brad Pitt – lord knows he has enough at home, what�s two more?

Of course, the courts might dig into Brad�s past and take issue with a rumored gig he held down in college. According to a man claiming to be a former classmate of Brad�s at the University of Missouri, Brad used to pay the rent by dancing with a frat group called Dancing Bares. Their claim to fame? Entertaining sorority girls with pillowcases over their heads – and nothing else.

Now that�s a bloody shame. Everybody knows the best thing about Brad is his face. Why on earth would you cover it up?

It�s also a damn creative way of saying, �I can�t prove it was him�. Nice story. We�ll file that under perhaps!

And on the subject of mortifying skeletons in closets past, get a load of what one runway model�s going to have to live down for the rest of her career. Of course, in all fairness, it isn�t every day you strut your stuff down a catwalk only to find a gigantic hole in the floor.

Still, as every dancer learns the first day in class – know your mark and hit it.

She obviously never took ballet.

And there you have it folks – another wicked week of juicy dish. Join us next time, and remember�always stop to smell the gossip! – Gay Link Content

  • Ross von Metzke is the Entertainment Editor of Gay Web Monkey and GayWired.com. The former Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine, his work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Link. Ross lives in Los Angeles.

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