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Gossip So Good, It's Got To Be Gay


Ross von Metzke | October 15, 2007

This weeks hottie comes to us courtesy of Divorce Court

After a year of waiting, the courts made it official this week – Ryan Phillippe is no longer tied to Reese Witherspoon.

He�s available, boys, and whether he plays for our team or not, something tells me men everywhere are going to be coming out of the woodwork for a shot at one night with this man� and why shouldn�t we? From 54 to Cruel Intentions to that just surfaced David LaChappelle ad for Armani with Ryan running naked through the streets of New York, boys don�t get much hotter than Ryan.

And much as I love Legally Blonde, I�ve always secretly wanted to kill that bitch Reese!

Now I don�t have to. I can love her work and fuck her ex husband too.

What do you say folks? Deal. Free for all on Ryan.

In case you still don�t follow, take a look at said ad, and another classic photo of Ryan to remind you just what we�re dealing with here!

OK, let�s just get one things straight. If you are a celebrity who�s ever popped a pill, downed a few too many cocktails or operated a motor vehicle under the influence of either, now�s the time to clean up your act, hire a driver or move the hell out of Los Angeles.

The authorities are cracking down, and you�re in the line of fire.

First up, we all know how a judge took Britney�s babies away last week for refusing to comply with court ordered drug testing and shuttling her boys around town without a valid driver�s license. Well, a week and a half later, after getting a driver�s license and passing a drug test, Brit asked the courts to grant her overnight visitation with her kids, supervised by her mom, who she only reconciled with just last week.

Their answer? A big fat no! Why? They say it�s because Britney�s �I could give a shit� attitude for the law is what landed her in this mess in the first place, and I somehow think her not showing up in court because of the paparazzi madhouse (especially when she doesn�t seem to mind them on her daily Starbucks runs) was the final nail.

But wait – leave it to Britney to swoop in and get someone to throw her a bone. Nearly five hours late, Brit decided to brave the camera storm and plead her case – the result? One night a week with her kids, with a court appointed supervisor� not her mother.

At the very least, that means one night at home, right? Well, unless she pays off the help and bribes her with table service at Area!

At least, thus far, she�s avoided jail time. More than we can say for Kiefer Sutherland who, after four DUI�s, will spend a whopping 48 days behind bars. That�s even longer than Paris Hilton. The 24 star pleaded no contest to charges he was driving under the influence a few months back – and the worst part is, Kiefer had a ride home. He allegedly turned down a ride from a FOX Networks limo and insisted on driving himself home from the Fall Lineup kickoff party.

Well he didn�t quite get there.

Instead, the police pulled him over for making an illegal u-turn, issued a breathalyzer and took him into custody.

Guess that�s going to put a damper in the seventh season of FOX�s smash hit. Just pray, pray, pray they don�t decide that in his absence, his daughter�s up to the challenge of saving the world. Die Kim Bauer, die!

And the most fucked celebrity of all?

Michelle Rodriguez.

After violating probation, driving under the influence and basically pissing on authority, a judge showed her the same respect, ordering her to spend 180 days behind bars. Why this time? Oh, she just lied about completing her community service stemming from her last sentence and managed to get caught downing booze three times while wearing an alcohol monitoring device.

A message on the actresses MySpace says she�s happy as a clam, though – packing to head for New Zealand to begin work on James Cameron�s new pic, wrapping her role just in time to get back to the states and begin her stay behind bars on Christmas Eve.

Ah – home for the holidays. How sweet?

On the subject of royally fucked celebrities, when are these comedians going to learn that, in today�s day and age, the �N� word is just never funny.

Former Kids in the Hall sketch comic Scott Thompson dropped the �N� bomb and then some before a crowd of gay athletes attending the North American Gay Amateur Alliance�s annual softball world series. A look of appall swept the crowd while half the crowd scattered from the audience. According to one reporter from TMZ.com, his routine started to go down the tubes the second he dissed Kathy Griffin.

Yeah, any gay comic should know you don�t fuck with Kathy.

Remember the days when Kathy Griffin only got a gay gig when Margaret Cho was busy? Seems so long ago. Now, Caroline Rhea is Kathy�s replacement gay comic. And if she�s not available, we�re fucked.

Sorry Scott – pleasure doing business with you.

And just because I know the gays love a good Madonna tidbit – the material girl herself just banked a cool $120 million pay day for signing a new contract with LiveNation – which isn�t even a record label.

But I guess for Madge, companies back the trucks up. Hell, she probably could have gotten Shredded Wheat to back her next four albums. The deal accounts for concert promotion, tours and merchandise.

That�s a whole lot of cash, but does this mean Madonna�s gonna be warbling her way through �Ray of Light� til she�s 60?

OK, folks, I�m signing off. Until we meet again, remember – take the time to stop and smell the gossip! – Gay Link Content


  • Ross von Metzke is the Entertainment Editor of Gay Web Monkey and GayWired.com. The former Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine, his work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Link. Ross lives in Los Angeles.


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