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Ross von Metzke | July 09, 2007

Nick Lachey – naked!

So if you�re one of the few who hasn�t heard, Nick Lachey and his new girl Vanessa Minnillo were photographed nude in Mexico over the weekend. The press caught the pair swimming naked outside their hotel room and, in an attempt to launch a smear campaign against the young starts, printed the pics as if they had something to be ashamed of.

I haven�t officially seen Nick�s goods, but if they�re anywhere near as hot as the rest of his bod, I don�t think he has a damn thing to be ashamed of� in fact, the only thing that gets me upset is the fact that I�m not in that hot tub with him.

Seriously, the guy is fine, and whether or not he should have taken better care to cover up with cameras around, any time Nick feels like dropping trow for the world to see if fine with me.

Unfortunately, we only have a link to the censored pics. But we have amassed quite a collection of hot, shirtless pics of Nick over the years, a couple of which we dug up for you here. Enjoy – that�s one side of beef I�m always happy to taste.

She�s having a baby – two she�s to be exact. One good news, and one – well. We�ll let you decide.

Seriously, after watching Christina Aguilera strip down to a string bikini top and assless chaps in her �Dirrty� video, who�d have picked Xtina as the graduate of the late �90s teen pop movement least likely to fuck up a kid. Britney�s already doing her worst with two of them. Jessica? Well, she�d probably use her pregnancy as fodder for another reality show.

But Christina, behind the scenes it seems, is your typical, down to earth 25-year-old� one with a year and a half of married life under her belt with a seemingly normal (almost nerd-like) hubby. Congrats, Miss Aguilera-stage demeanor aside, I have no doubt you�ll make a damn good mom.

Nicole Richie, on the other hand, I have concerns about.
First off, who�d have thunk she could even get pregnant? I have friends who have Richie by a good 20 pounds who claim they had trouble getting preggers because they�re too thin.

And here she is, sporting a baby bump that some people initially confused with having a bloated belly caused by hunger?

Word is Nicole�s planning to marry the baby�s daddy and become an honest woman.

I�m just hoping that when she does pop the kid out, daddy springs for a driver as a bday gift. Lord knows we don�t need Nicole toting toddlers the wrong way down the 134.

Speaking of crap driving, for those nay-sayers convinced that the only drawback to owning a Hybrid is an inability to pick up speed on the freeway, note that Al Gore�s son managed to get one up to 100 mph on 4th of July.

That�s not a good thing, BTW.
True, Al Gore III had the common sense to get busted in an Earth friendly auto, but he did it while doped up on earth friendly drugs – and some not so natural substances, like Valium, Xanax and Soma – anxiety pills all. No prescription. No explanation. Just the embarrassment of being the former Vice President�s son at 2:15 in the morning flying 100 mph in a car that allegedly takes 37 seconds to reach that speed.

Unfortunately, I guess this means we can�t fairly attack the Bush girls anymore. They�ve officially taken a backseat to this mess.

In one of the more embarrassing apologies of her career –and lord knows there have been many – Britney Spears is issuing a shout out to paparazzi, claiming her umbrella tirade wasn�t a nervous meltdown at all, but preparation for a movie role.
Yes, you read that correctly. Britney Spears wants everyone to believe that the night she took an umbrella and beat the shit out of an SUV in front of her soon to be ex-hubby Kevin Federline�s house – the same night she checked herself back into rehab on the threat of losing her kids in a custody battle – she didn�t melt down. She was rehearsing.

For those of you who find that tough to swallow, take a number. Dressed in a hoodie, pearls and, of course, a newly shorn bald head, Britney�s tirade made for the most creative use of an umbrella since Mary Poppins (quickly to be eclipsed by Rihanna�s smash summer anthem, but hell, we all know Britney can�t own the spotlight for long these days.

Needless to say, Britney didn�t get the role. Maybe that�s because it�s the same mythical movie project Janet Jackson gained 60 pounds for� ooops, did I say that?

This is what happens when you don�t have a publicist.
Before we sign off, I wanted to take a second to offer a shout out to Kelly Clarkson. The media just won�t leave this girl alone. Every new headline brands this new album a flop (since when is selling 300,000 copies and debuting at number two in the first week of release failure), Perez Hilton can�t seem to let a day go by without calling her new album crap and suggesting she let it die and get right back in the studio. And, as a result, radio plays haven�t been strong, the once thought unbreakable American Idol winner was forced to cancel her summer tour.

A sign tastes are changing? Or a sign that enough bad press can shape America�s opinion before the product has even given them a chance to form one?

So enough bad press. I�m going to make it a point to give Kelly some good press. I like the new CD. No, scratch that, I love the new CD. Let�s be real – most singer�s in music today would sell their soul to the devil for an ounce of the singing ability this lady has in droves. No one, and I mean no one (sorry Xtina) can sing a song like this girl, and while it is true, the new album is decidedly more rock and less radio friendly than Breakaway, its an album that, if given a chance, has the power to become a classic and mark the moment Kelly Clarkson went from singer to artist in the span of 13 tracks.

Screw the critics – My December deserves a fair shot, and to prove it, a You Tube clip of Kelly performing her latest single live – the haunting �Sober�. If you can honestly make it through this track and not see this girl for the rare gift she is, you really have to get your ears checked.

Until next time! – Gay Link Content

  • Ross von Metzke is the Entertainment Editor of Gay Web Monkey and GayWired.com. The former Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine, his work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Link. Ross lives in Los Angeles.

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