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This week in the world of lesbian gossip

Tracy E. Gilchrist | July 06, 2007

Portia Di Rossi plays gay

One of the hottest out lesbians in Hollywood and Ellen's arm candy Portia Di Rossi is stretching herself and playing gay on FX's plastic surgery whack fest nip/tuck. The auspicious Aussy's slated for a recurring role as a manipulative lesbian mama whose daughter wants a little work done by resident fixer-uppers and pervs McNamara and Troy, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

No word regarding a love interest for Portia, but something tells me the Big E would not approve. Notice Portia is not returning to television to mix it up in nude scenes with those hot-asses over at The L Word. If anything, Portia's character might throw a wanton glance at Roma Maffia's one-kidneyed lesbo Liz.

Never fear, Big Rosie O nixed the job hosting Heartland hets with big dreams on The Price is Right but she'll be back on nip/tuck as the independently wealthy, and uber-straight horndog Dawn Budge, who bedded Julian McMahon's lothario Christian last season. For fans who didn't get their fill of a near-naked Rosie riding McMahon, word has it she'll be tarting it up with Oliver Platt, who's always worth the price of admission but not as much fun to watch with his shirt off as McMahon.

The big "O" stuck with demi-Goddess Cyndi Lauper throughout the True Colors Tour run, delivering searing stand-up and beating the drums during Ms. Lauper's set. You can take her out but you can't dress her up. At several of the shows, Ro sported – what looked like – lacy black biker shorts and a semi-see-through top with a pair of sun-yellow Crocs. Ahhh Crocs – the Birkenstock of the new millennium. On the subject of everyone's favorite over-exposed ex-con Paris Hilton, Rosie said in her stand-up, "I would have had more fun in prison than Paris Hilton." And who could argue. With Ro's bluster and size she'd have been the bad-ass cell block mama in no time.

Speaking of Paris' prison stint... incensed Americans called for blood when Los Angeles County sheriff Lee Baca freed Princess P early. But the IQ-challenged blondie went on to do more time than 1,500 other cases in LA that were in for the same offense.

However, lie to federal prosecutors about leaking a CIA officer's name – no prob. Big Daddy Bush will get you off. Brainchild Bush has retracted the only glimmering moment of accountability this administration's history and commuted Scooter Libby Scooter Libby's sentence to avoid jail time – cuz skinny, nerdy, white men are prime meat in prison.

Lesbian gangs are taking over our cities and recruiting our young'ins according to Blowhard Bill O'Reilly and a delusional guest on the vetted and honorable Fox News show The O'Reilly Factor. "They carry a number of weapons and commit a number of crimes," said O'Reilly's guest – a police investigator with the unfortunate name of Rod. Way to qualify and quantify your info Rod!

Hot-Rod asserts that lesbian gangs are popping up in major cities. They carry pink pistols and they're organized into crews or gangs that recruit and defile young girls. All joking intact... I live in LA and I could use a band of pink pistol-packing dykes to show me who's boss.

While Blowhard Bill and Rod's delicate masculinity is threatened by strong women – which blows their beat-off fantasies about long-nailed lesbians�pro-wrestlers go on Roid rage offing their families and Bush and Co. continue to send troops into harms' way to save face. Bill, Rod and the rest of the boys should watch filmmaker Lizzie Borden's post-apocalyptic paean dedicated to crushing the patriarchy if they want to see some hardcore butches running the country right!
Buffy fans rejoice. No you can sing along with Sarah Michelle and the gang at the Buffy Sing-along. The musical episode, a fan fave, has taken to the road, replete with props ala The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The cross-cultural props that appeal to both lesbians and gay men include finger puppets – what self-respecting lesbian doesn�t enjoy a nice puppet on her finger? – streamers and vampire teeth.

Nothing escapes the fate of morphing into compelling musical theater these days. The hit British women�s prison romp Bad Girls has been adapted for the musical stage and is premiering in London�s West End. AfterEllen.com�s visionary Sarah Warn reports that Bad Girls boasts the first major lesbian affair in a musical – but with utmost respect, I must insist that Queen Latifah and Catherine Zeta Jones broke the lesbian musical cherry in Chicago.
Queen, Queen, Queen Latifah� the buxom and beautiful – dare I say – butch drove a big ole hog�motorcycle that is – around West Hollywood over the weekend and she was looking tres Set it Off and less Motormouth Maybelle in Hairspray. Sure she won�t throw us cats a bone and admit she�s a Sapphic sis but she occasionally openly gets her butch on and that�s pretty damned hot.

It was Holiday v. Hudson at the BET Awards when the titans belted out a duet of the Dreamgirls showstopper �And I�m Telling You.� Really, these full-bodied babes blew the doors off the Roosevelt Hotel when they teamed up on the hit that made them stars decades apart. Although they were ostensibly singing to a man it was easy to fantasize that the powerhouses were singing to each other as they performed a call and response, gut-grabbing version of the song that rendered tears streaming down this big softie�s face.

In L Word casting news, Jenny Shecter, the confused, impoverished, lesbo writer with the skyrocketing film career merits an assistant in the luscious form of Malaya Rivera Drew, who�s had a recurring stint on ER. Working as Jenny�s assistant sounds on par with working side by side with Anne Heche. Here���s hoping Jenny�s orders include: �On your knees. Lick my boots and clean my fridge wearing only a thong and heels.�

Last, but not least, Dame Diana Rigg, who made young lesbian hearts skip in the 1960�s as slinky Emma Peel in the series The Avengers, has signed on to star in the stage version of Pedro Almodovar�s All About My Mother, the opus that kick-started Pretty Penny Cruz�s career.

Happy 21st Birthday to Recovering La Lush Lohan. May God be with us now that she�s legal. – Gay Link Content

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