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Hollywood Celebrity Buzz

Ross von Metzke | September 05, 2006

Ashlee Simpson continues to keep her trap shut

The ever changing face of celebrity is a constant source of discussion in the tabloids. Who�s had what done how many times. Who would benefit from a nip here. tuck there.

Anybody who watched the Emmy Awards this past weekend saw first hand what a botched plastic surgery can do to a face – Farrah Fawcett, you look like a burn victim who�s been thrown from a speeding train � twice. We also caught a glimpse of what minor upkeep and a lifetime of healthy living can do. Ladies and gentleman, that beauty next to Farrah was 61-year-old Jaclyn Smith, not a wrinkle on her.

In recent months, no face has been the subject of more rumored �work� than that of Ashlee Simpson. New nose, new lips, new chin�and yet she�ll admit to nothing. It doesn�t help that while the press is hounding her to come clean about the work she�s had done, they�re also commenting on the fact that whatever she did was a major improvement.

Jessica Simpson The irony is that big sis Jessica Simpson, who doesn�t have much to talk about these days now that doctor�s have ordered her to two weeks of vocal rest (as a friend jokes, �Can Jessica be on vocal rest everyday?�), has come clean about having her face worked on.

The singer, who�s new album A Public Affair dropped this week, told reporters those Daisy Duck lips she was sporting just after her break-up with Nick Lachey were the result of Restylane injections.

At the time, word was Jessica was dulling the pain of her failed marriage by having her lips plumped up. But as her pucker slowly deflated, so did talk of an alleged lip job. In fact, all mention of Jess� lips died out completely when the once alterna-chick Ashlee suddenly popped up with a whole new face. All eyes were on her – some magazines even implied Ashlee�s �improvements� made her the more attractive of the two sisters. Yet even with such lavish praise laid upon her, Ashlee refused to comment yay or nay on whether she�d had a lil� snip-snip.

Jess, on the other hand, seems to have no problem not only admitting she was plumped up but also acknowledging she thought she looked terrible and would never have it done again.

Now if only she could get through to Meg Ryan�s people.

While we�re on the subject of Jessica, this seems as good a time as any to tell you folks � Jessica has moved on. After months of rumors the singer was dating everyone from comedian Dane Cook to hottie actor Jared Leto, we have confirmation she is dating a fellow musician�John Mayer.

Apparently, the photos of him stepping on to her front porch in his boxers to get the paper were all the confirmation the tabloids needed.

TomKat A man makes art out of TomKat's baby's poop

Speaking of celebrity obsession, get a load of this crap�literally. The same man who created the sculpture �Monument to Pro Life: The Birth of Sean Preston�, which showed a bronzed Britney Spears squatted over and giving birth, has now created a sculpture inspired by Suri�s first poop.

Yes folks, this Daniel Edwards fellow created a statue for TomKat�s baby�s bowel movement�a baby no one other than fellow scientologists Leah Remini and Jada Pinkett Smith claims to have seen. The kid has yet to get so much as a snapshot in the tabloids and already her shit is embossed in bronze.

According to David Kesting, director of Brooklyn's Capla Kesting Fine Art Gallery where the turd is on display, �A bronzed cast of baby's first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family. A baby's first meal of solid food may be a baby's first meal at the dinner table.�

Edwards also supposedly took inspiration from the popular kid�s book Everybody Poops and insists the piece is more than just a number two but a powerful comment on the status of celebrity in our culture.

�It's partially a statement on modern media that 'celebrity poop' has more entertainment value than health, famine or other critical issues facing society and governments today,� a spokesman for the artist said. �Also, it is a statement on the absurdity of the media coverage surrounding Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' new baby, Suri Cruise, which has reached stellar proportions and is eclipsing far more notable events with more substance.�

OK, I�ll give him that one.

Britney Spears In fact, maybe Edwards should have a sit down with whoever is mulling over Britney�s half eaten sandwich, currently up for bid on Ebay. Sealed in plastic, the seller, who goes by the screen name derrickito, claims he snagged the half eaten egg salad sandwich from a table at a music awards ceremony Brit and hubby Kevin Federline attended in NYC last month.

Um, just a thought, but has anyone pontificated the fact that eggs do not keep and therefore, in three days when this item closes, not even Britney herself would want to get anywhere near that sandwich.

At press time, the item had fetched just $51 in bids, and apparently, derrickito was able to snag Fed�s corn dog too. Can I hear 51-cents anyone?

Maybe the Sultan of Brunei�s son can snag it up – spread some love.

Mariah Carey Prince of Brunai splashes out millions on Mariah Carey

After all, he just splashed out millions on Mariah Carey, and they�ve never even met.

Carey was in New York last week for a stop on her Emancipation of Mimi tour when she was presented with an eight carat, flawless diamond necklace worth more than $4 million. A representative for Prince Azim, who according to published reports is worth more than $30 billion, handed it over just as she was about to go on stage.

No offense to the Prince – I�m sure he has faboo taste in gemstones – but no number of diamonds in the world could make those ramshackle bits of fabric Mariah�s been wearing out on stage look classy.

Still, however cheap Mariah might look, she scrounged together $40,000 to sopend on family and friends at her post show party. Bottles upon bottles of Cristal champagne was a nice touch considering Mariah isn�t even allowed to drink the stuff while she�s touring. The self-professed party girl has to be good when she�s out on the road because bubbly, apparently, isn�t good for her voice.

Instead, she sips wine and keeps quiet as she mingles with her guests. Mariah is on 15-hour vocal rest before each performance and spends nights on lockdown with a dozen humidifiers.

Knowing all that, I�m expecting the friggin Messiah of performances when I go see Mimi at the Staples Center next month. If I hear so much as a crack, I�m going to send security backstage to rummage through her room for evidence of foul play.

Thiago Rodrigues Hottie of the Week

And that, my friends, brings us to the end of another juicy week in gossip.

Well, with the exception of one thing�our beefcake of the hour, another one of those fine Brazilian men. Hailing from Rio de Janeiro, Thiago Rodrigues is best known for his work on a string of novellas you�ve probably never heard of.

Comencar de Novo! Paginas de Vida! Ring any bells? Doesn�t matter. You don�t have to speak Portuguese to appreciate his stunning good looks. And if you do, well, you�ll actually understand what he�s saying when he takes off his shirt and lowers himself into the pool on TV. Me – I�m fine just watching.

OK, folks, that�s all she wrote. Thanks for reading, and until next time.
  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.

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