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Ross von Metze | July 17, 2006

The original Star Jones is returning to The View for a brief stint

Years before Jones got her walking papers, ABC handed a stack to a blondie by the name of Debbie Matenopoulos. Remember her? She was the original young girl just starting out in life, mid table between Star and Joy Behar in happier times, when the show was but a newbie.

But her stint on the show was brief. Matenopoulos found herself instant fodder for a string of skits on Saturday Night Live (remember when they put Cameron Diaz in a bag and took turns beating her with baseball bats � she was playing Debbie) and was the constant butt of criticism for her frequently dumb comments and inability to contribute to conversations about current events.

And so, midway through her second season, Debbie disappeared and the near year long search began for a replacement began – it eventually went to Lisa Ling and, after she ditched the girls to be a real journalist, the current dumb blonde from hell – Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

But Debbie�s done a bit of maturing in her time away from the fold. She�s done time on TV Guide, E!, Good Day Live and really honed her skills as a fluff reporter. But despite the seven years of seasoning, something tells me things are going to be a bit heated backstage, especially on the hells of some of Debbie�s comments with regard to Star.

�It�s called show business,� was her officially message to the former fatty on Good Day, perhaps an allusion to the day she herself was kicked to the curb and Star didn�t pause long enough to say boo.

So if you wanna see Debbie face to face with former boss Barbara Walters, the suddenly ecstatic Behar (she literally glows since Star left) and Hasselbeck, who I�m convinced is the next to go, tune in.



The Olsens ... What are you gonna do, arrest them for smoking?

Another pair of TV has-beens are making headlines � but not for getting fired from a profile gig or eating shit and crawling back to a former gig.

The Olsen twins are making headlines for breaking the law – by smoking in doors. The nearly 20-year-old twins (doesn�t it seem like just yesterday internet sites were counting down days until the Full House twins were legal?) are apparently notorious for chain smoking in their offices on the few days a month they punch a time clock at Dualstar, their billion dollar company in Culver City, CA.

In the state of California, smoking indoors in an office type setting is strictly prohibited and subject to a hefty fine (one the girls could probably pay for in cash). But according to tabloids, writing a check is likely the least of their problems.

Employees are pissed, and this little leak to the press might just spell a bigger dispute in the future � namely, a formal complaint. Of course, it�s not like Mary Kate and Ashley will likely suffer too much. In addition to managing to overcome the many rumors that plagued them in the media over the past few years (rehab, dropping out of school, drug addiction), they�ve also managed to take command of their empire and keep it afloat.

Each girl is rumored to be worth upward of $150 million. And that should be more than enough to cough up some hush money.



Paris Hilton giving up sex

Moving on to another dumb blonde (which seems to be the hair color of choice today), Paris Hilton has vowed to give up sex for a year. Of course, if you saw her in that sex tape with Rick Soloman, you know she gave up on sex about half way through that pounding. Strung out, drunk, bored � not quite sure, but she sure didn�t look like she was having much fun.

The alleged actress, alleged singer, hotel heiress says she imposed the ban on herself because she�s attempting to rediscover her spirit.

"I'm doing it just because I want to,� she told a reporter for a British tabloid. �I feel I'm becoming stronger as a person. Every time I have a boyfriend, I'm just so romantic, and I'll put all my energy into the guy, and I don't really pay attention to myself.�

Of course, this is a girl who also said, �One-night stands are not for me.� No offense Paris, but that romp in the hay with big dick sure didn�t seem like a long, meaningful relationship to me.

Frabkly, I could care less what Paris does � if she�s having sex, with whom she�s having sex. I just like talking crap about her, and judging from the way she keeps putting herself out there, Paris doesn�t mind it much either.



Michael Jackson wants to add to his brood

Of course, she�s not nearly as odd as our fourth and final headline grabber this week – Michael Jackson. As if the press this guy�s received in the past couple of years wasn�t bad enough, the pop star, who�s embroiled in what promises to be a costly civil suit, allegedly attempted to adopt two children from Brazil recently.

Details of the attempted adoption were revealed in court during Jackson's legal battle with his former associate Marc Schaffel. During the hearing, it was revealed that Schaffel had Jackson on tape ordering to get him, at first, two boys, and then later a boy and a girl.

"It sounds like someone asking you to run down to the store and get ice cream,� a source told Fox news. �He couldn't make up his mind. He was also looking at 3-year-olds and 4-year-olds."

The tape was revealed in court in an attempt to damage what little credibility Jackson might have left, and while a decision has yet to be made, sources say this is but the first in a string of costly suits the singer will likely have to pay up on.



Indian film star Aishwarya Rai

And now, with all that negativity behind us, how about a hot lady of the week? Indian actress Aishwarya Rai has been called the most beautiful woman in the world, and justifiably so. The former Miss World is the toast of Bollywood and has recently made a play for stateside success as a face of Cover Girl, in last year�s Bride and Prejudice and upcoming films with Don Cheadle and Meryl Streep.







But what impresses us most about the actress whose culture prevents her from kissing on screen is her surprisingly open minded attitude toward sexuality and gay and lesbian issues. Not only will she star in and produce a film about a woman questioning her sexuality, she made it a point to tell reporters asking her about her moral standards that she firmly believes all people are created equal. Now there�s a bombshell I could get behind.



Hottie of the week

And now the hottie of the week. If you�re one of the half dozen people who didn�t step out to a theatre to catch Pirates of the Caribbean over the weekend, then you sadly missed a stellar performance by Johnny Depp � and even more impressive supporting work by his costar, Orlando Bloom�s face.









Yes, whether you�re one of those who feels Orlando can actually act or not, there is no denying the boy�s ample charms, both shirtless and dressed head to toe. He�s a stud, and never more obviously so then when wielding a sword. So kick back and marvel at the wonder that is Orlando.



And that about does it for this week�s gossip folks, and remember, stop and smell the gossip.
  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.


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