Hollywood Celebrity Buzz
Ross von Metze | July 10, 2006
Starwatch continues as the bitch scores a shitty new job
OK, I�ll be honest. If I had my way, I�d spend another entire week talking about Star Jones. I still cannot believe the way in which that lady left that show. It�s drama of the highest order, with her three costars not even waiting until her seat was cold to start making cracks.
And now that Star is done taking the high road (she�s sending fans to ABC�s Website if they�d like to complain), she�s resurfaced in the job market, hosting a real estate show on HGTV. Talk about your big step down.
But enough about Star (although, it was pretty hot that until yesterday, The View�s web site had a fat pic of Star next to her bio, which insisted she was single and lived in Jersey – Talk about vicious). We�ve got bigger fish to fry � Well, maybe not bigger, but certainly tastier.
JLo successful in keeping one of her exes from writing a tell all
The biggest news of the day is that JLo won her bid to keep her ex hubby Ojani Noa from writing a tell all about their marriage – at least for the time being.
Jenny From the Block�s first spouse (who she was married to a whopping 10 minutes – I shudder to think of the yarns he could weave) had made it quite clear he intended to write a tell all about his relationship with Lopez, which ended around the time she exploded to A-list Hollywood status with the films like Selena and Out of Sight.
La Lopez countered with a lawsuit in April, saying if Noa wrote the book he�s be breaching a nondisclosure, "non-disparagement" pact between the two.
She then obtained a temporary restraining order to prevent him from going ahead with the proposed book. Earlier this week, Lopez scored a temporary injunction which keeps Noa from �criticizing in a negative light or otherwise disparaging� Lopez until the two settle their dispute or a non-jury trial determines whether or not the court order will remain permanent.
The injunction also prevents Noa from talking about the intimate details of the actress/alleged singer�s life. Noa first announced plans to pen the tell all in an interview with the New York Post.
At the time, he claimed Lopez carried on an affair with now hubby Marc Anthony while he was still married to his ex-wife, Puerto Rican model Dayanara Torres.
Now I�m not suggesting I�m really looking forward to the drivel this bitter ex has to offer. I mean, let�s face it – he�s probably out for a quick buck since I can�t imagine he gets much in the way of alimony from Jen, who still lived on the block when they parted ways. But I will admit I�m one of the many who would be all too thrilled if a book were to surface putting the final nail in the coffin that�s become JLo�s career.
Not that I�m so petty I actually wish ill on people, but come on. We�ve heard from far too many people that Jenny�s a bitch for it not to be at least partially true. And after the piss poor work she�s subjected the American public to lately (starting with Gigli, peaking with that atrocious telenovela duet she did with her hubby at the Grammy�s and tapering off with last year�s embarrassing work in Monster in Law), she could use a Hollywood hiatus.
I say bust out the typewriter and write that shit anyway, Ojani. Maybe you can dig up Cris Judd and compare notes.
Tatum O�Neal finds something else to blame daddy for
Another sad Hollywood hussy is speaking her mind on family fallouts – again. Now, former drunk/druggie/Oscar winner Tatum O'Neal claims her father hated her for winning an Oscar.
Previously, Tatum has said father Ryan O�Neal was neglectful, broke up her marriage, even caused her substance abuse. And now, in an interview with the UK�s Stella Magazine, she claims that rather than praise her for her big win when she was just 10 years old, O�Neal took out his own career frustrations on her.
�Things with my dad were pretty good until I won an Academy Award,� she told the magazine. �He was really loving to me until I got more attention than he did. Then he hated me – literally hated me. Forever!�
Of course, this is the woman who previously blames John McEnroe for her heroin addiction in the mid �90s, and her father for being such a messed up adult and for her now nearly non-existent acting career. Now I�ve never walked a step in Tatum�s shoes, and I don�t doubt that, like half the kids in Hollywood, she had a pretty tragic upbringing.
But it just seems to me that every time the girl dips out of the press for more than a year or so, she finds something new to blame her father for.
I just wonder why the girl couldn�t get it all out in her book, or one big, in depth interview. Why does she have to stockpile accusations? It�s like she�s stringing them over a lifetime as an attempt to pay bills – �If I blame my dad for crystal meth in July, some mag will give me 50K and I�ll have the mortgage paid through X-mas.� It�s all quite sad, really.
Cast of Desperate Housewives shut out of the Emmys
Another sad twist of fate – the Desperate Housewives, shut out of this year�s Emmy nominations. No Teri Hatcher (frankly, Susan bugs me). No Eva Longoria, who�s Gabrielle really came to life this season. No Felicity Huffman, who already has an Emmy for playing Lynette Scavo and scored an Oscar nomination last year. And the biggest crime of all? No Marcia Cross, who is, simply put, brilliant as Bree Van de Kamp.
The show didn�t even get a best series nomination.
Buzz around Hollywood suggests a few possibilities. Growing frustration with the increasing number of characters Marc Cherry�s trying to cram down our throats? That�s all well and good, but it doesn�t explain the fact that Alfre Woodard managed to score the sole acting nomination for one of the most underwritten parts in TV history?
Perhaps it�s over-exposure, probably a tad more likely.
But the real answer, I�m afraid, is that Emmy doesn�t feel like rewarding the diva-like antics of one of television�s most talked about ensembles. From Teri and Marcia throwing down at the Vanity Fair shoot to Eva showing up at the opening of a hat box, the tabloids had a field day with these ladies from day one, and while gossip hungry America ate it up, the voters might now equate publicity with award worthy work.
Perhaps the only ones who will ever know just what happened are the ladies and gentleman who cast the votes. I just think it�s a crying shame this talented group of ladies was almost entirely overlooked.
Passions has one truly tacky lesbian riot scene
Which brings me to my final comment – on a recent episode of Passions.
I probably should be offended, perhaps leading a boycott of one of the crappiest shows on TV, but what I saw was so damn funny, so poorly executed, I couldn�t help but watch � over and over again.
Any of you who watch Passions already know exactly what I�m talking about. Lesbian Simone, played by Cathy Jeneen Doe. The current plotline is far to convoluted to explain, but suffice it to say it�s a DaVinci Code rip off that culminated earlier this week with an all out riot, orchestrated by super-villian Alistair Crane, in the house of God.
The good guys are trying to fend off the bad guys, but their time is numbered. So off runs Simone to a place where �I�m always welcome.� A dyke bar, where an extremely butch looking lesbian asks how they can help.
Cut back to the riot, where hope is all but lost. Cue the song �Bad Boys� and 15 of the hottest, butchest, buffest ladies you�ve ever seen outside the ring at the WWF, marching through the doors, waving a pride flag and ready to rumble.
Needless to say, they win, to which someone replies, �Thank God for the Lesbians.� It�s one stereotype after another and features some of the worst acting I�ve ever seen on television (and bear in mind, I watched 7 seasons of Full House), but somehow, it was fitting, and I loved every minute.
And so, it makes this week�s Bad Ass an easy call – Cathy Jeneen Doe may not play the most well-written lesbian on TV (in fact, she basically plays straight and kisses girls for shock value). But the fact that Passions is so unapologetically overt about her sexuality, in a medium that typically makes lesbians sit on the sidelines and watch the action, is a major plus. And we could certainly do a lot worse on the eyes than Cathy. Girl – we love watching, so keep it up.
Hottiie of the week
And since we�ve on the topic of soap operas, it seems like a perfect segue into one of the hottest guys on daytime TV right now – All My Children�s Jacob Young. As JR Chandler, Young has been through it (alcoholism, abandoned by his mother, losing his child to a serial killer). And the actor is one of the finest on the show.
But also consider his resume as a recording artist, Broadway star (he�s currently Lumiere in Disney�s Beauty and the Beast) and soap veteran (he won an Emmy for General Hospital before he was old enough to drink). Bad boy appeal with JCrew good looks. Not bad. Not bad at all!
Alrighty, folks, that�s all she wrote this week. Until next week (or until Star makes a major ass out of herself again) don�t forget to stop and smell the gossip.
Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.
Star Jones gets the chop