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Hollywood Celebrity Buzz

Ross von Metze | June 19, 2006

Tom Cruise Tom Cruise's cryptic welcoming message to Brangelina

Two of the strangest, most fascinating stories to hit the media in the last year collided last week when Tom Cruise sent Brangelina a congratulatory gift/card welcoming their bundle of joy into the world.

But what should have been a moment of praise actually read a little bit more like a slap in the face.

Never one to just do things the typical way, Tom sent a designer teddy bear for newborn Shiloh with a note for ma and pa – praising Brad and Angelina for following in his footsteps.

And what footsteps would those be, Tom?

Strange and mysterious as the pairing of Brad and Angelina has been, it doesn�t hold a candle to what you and Katie have going on. And much as the media has liked to speculate on what went on in Brad and Angelina�s bedroom, at least we pretty uniformly agree that at least �something� went on in their private chambers.

Now, I could be taking a completely innocent comment and reading into it – after all, Tom and Brad have supposedly been friends since shooting 1994�s Interview With a Vampire together, although I can�t remember seeing the two ever speak in public once since that flick (though I could be wrong þ I tend to hit mute when Tom comes on the tube).

But my gut tells me Tom meant the comment as some sort of a jab – I mean, you can�t roast Matt Lauer for being simple minded, call Brooke Shields a bad parent, and go on the attack about anyone who doesn�t see eye to eye on your little Scientology charade, then send a note that essentially reads, �copycat, copy cat � neener, neener� and expect people to take you seriously.

Not to Tom: Focus on your own kid and your brain dead wife for 2.5, k?

Not that Brad or Angelina care much, I�d expect. Mere days after popping out their kid, the couple left Namibia for parts currently unknown (the pair own property all over the world) and pics of the happy family surfaced in an eight page spread in People Magazine, the proceeds ear marked for a charity of Angie�s choosing. Not that I support pimping out your kid for dough, but at least if you don�t plan to pocket the cash, it seems somewhat respectable.

Daryl Hannah Daryl Hannah is arrested while squatting in a tree

Another renegade activist found herself on the wrong side of the law this weekend – Daryl Hannah, who enjoyed a brief Tarantino orchestrated comeback with Kill Bill but has since fallen off the radar again, was arrested for tree squatting, of all things.

The Splash mermaid was one of several activists taken into custody in a bid to save a public garden in South Central LA Tuesday. The 14 acre Central Urban Garden was cared for by immigrant farmers growing fruits and vegetables, but is scheduled to be bulldozed by developers later this week.

Hannah had spent three weeks in the tree when she and others were forced out by a cherry picker. Minutes before her arrest, Hannah told reporters: �I'm planning on holding my position. I'm very confident this is the morally right thing to do.�

Right or wrong, they got the folks down and took them to county lock-up – and as a side note, after three weeks in a tree, I�m sure no one at the prison was particularly happy to see the crew. Still, Hannah and company were fighting for a cause that attracted the attentions of other big name celebs – Leonardo DiCaprio, Ed Harris and Charlie Sheen all offered support to save the garden, but none were so bold as to pack an overnight sack and pick a branch.

Hannah spoke to reporters from behind bars, sticking to her guns and saying it was all in the name of a good cause. The 45-year-old vegetarian did complain, however, that the selection of food from behind bars is dismal.

Jared Leto Big screen studs Stephen Dorff and Jared Leto say they should be gay

And if that�s not a quirky enough tale for you, try this on for size: Hollywood celebs who think they should be gay. Jared Leto started the trend, back in 2004 when his Alexander with Colin Farrell came out. The two played gay lovers, though you wouldn�t know it from the finished product. Despite a couple of fleeting glances and Farrell�s now infamous ball shot (I mean, who other than a gay man would trim down there), they might as well have been bowling partners. But Leto fueled the fire that there may be more to his attraction to Farrell than meets the eye, telling critics that had director Oliver Stone directed a sex scene between the two stars, it would have been the hottest gay sex scene in the history of cinema. Take a look at that body and that face. I have to say, Mr. Leto, I concur.

Fast forward a year to his sit-down with AOL Online, when he told the reporter he is �gay as a goose,� comparing himself to singer Morrissey, famous for his ambiguity when it comes to sexuality. Leto let out a giggle Judy Garland herself could hear from beyond the grave, but then backed off, turning to his publicist, who came out with the obligatory �he�s just kidding,� but Leto�s kept mum. Hmmmm?

Stephen Dorff

Moving on to Stephen Dorff, who insists he is indeed straight but says that, for all intensive purposes, he probably should be gay.

And why�s that, you might wonder?

How�s playing dress up with mini skirts and pumps and a hankering for watching women put on makeup strike you?

Yes, Dorff says that�s how he preferred to spend his childhood. The actor, best known for his starring role in the 90�s epic The Power of One and who recently fought with a then sexy Britney Spears in her Everytime video, told a British reporter: �Since I was a young boy, I always loved watching ladies get ready. I figure I would have been gay or asexual, if I didn't want women the way I do.�

Ah, and there�s the clincher. If I didn�t like women the way I do. Why can�t these guys just role with it. Don�t be such a cock tease. I was just settling into the idea of you and Jared doing the nasty!

Madonna Madonna says she�s considering a lil nip/tuck

Speaking of nasty, Madge says she�s considering plastic surgery � apparently, all that Vaseline on the camera lens is starting to get costly.

The 47-year-old singer, who suffered a hernia after her bang up performance at the Grammys, admits she�d go under the knife if her notoriously hard body started to droop, but claims she wouldn�t likely tell anyone.

So, let me get this straight � pro surgery, against anyone actually knowing it. So am I to assume this means Madonna could have already gone in for a freshen up a half dozen times and just kept her mouth shut?

Cuz I�m telling you – between that horse riding incident and her latest tour, I swear to you, Madge magically dropped 20 years off her face. And I know home girl didn�t just discover Laura Mercier and start lathering her face in the shit. Something happened.

But seeing as how any doc who working on Mad�s mug would be sworn to secrecy � and as we�ve learned in the past, Lady M don�t say nothing about her private life until its timed perfectly with a publicity stunt, for secrets into the upkeep of Esther�s face, we�re just going to have to wait with patiently. That is, if anyone cares!

Hottie of the Week

And finally, now that we�ve expended energy on newborns, activism, would be homosexuality and botox, why not finish things with some plain old eye candy � from our friends to the East, Mr. David Beckham.

Not that the soccer pro�s really new news. I just like to remind you folks every so often of his beauty. And, with recent paparazzi photos of the guy walking around shirtless on his roof, the time just seemed right to drag a few of my favorite photos out of the archives.

So what if the dude married that Muppet from Spice Girls. We forgive him his err of judgment on the grounds that all of that beauty must come at a cost.

We�ll pay whatever price, David. Just keep posing for these sexy layouts.

And so, my friends, let�s sail off into the sunset on that note. Until we meet again, remember to stop and smell the gossip.
  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.

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