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Ross von Metze | May 30, 2006

Janet Jackson Someone in Hollywood is LYING!

OK, half of Hollywood is lying about something, but someone in Hollywood is lying about something big.

Plantiff #1: Janet Jackson, recently down a reported 65 pounds after gaining what for what Jackson said was a role in a movie she ended up having to drop out of because it would have conflicted with the release of her new album, �20 Years Old.� She claims producers wanted her to gain wait so America could �see me in a different light,� according to People Magazine.

The part in Tennessee, which begins shooting next month, ended up going to Plantiff #2: Mariah Carey.

Now I�m not trying to be mean, but around, oh, Golden Globes time, Mariah was more than big enough to fill out the role of a road-stop waitress aspiring to a career in country music if producers really wanted a heavier actress for the role. But now, she�s telling People Magazine she�s trying to lose weight before filming begins by sticking to a strict diet of fish and broths.

So the role Janet Jackson plumped up like a balloon for ended up going to a woman who is actively trying to deflate her balloon for the role.

Am I the only one who thinks this whole thing makes no fucking sense?

I have a few theories (and for the sake of the fact that I want this story to be more interesting than �the producers just changed their mind�, I�m gonna share them).

First possible scenario is that Janet, as she�s done many times in the past, just got fat. People, before Rhythm Nation, Janet was a big girl. Now, one of my co-workers is going to kill me for Janet bashing (she is �his diva,� as it were), but the girl has taken at least a half dozen trips to the fat farm since them. She puts out an album and tours with it. Skinny. She finishes her tour and takes a year off. Fat. It�s happened time and time again. My question is, why doesn�t she just admit it?

Theory number two. Janet needed some cash after bailing Michael out of jail and paying off his employees at Neverland. So, Mariah made this proposal. �You gain a shit load of weight for this role that�s already mine and then quietly drop out of the movie. I�ll get the part, lose weight for the role, and everyone will finally stop making fun of my fat ass.� Janet was drunk when Mariah pitched the solution and therefore, she agreed.

Of course, you can always go with the ever popular �Janet got fired because producers took one look at what Janet looks like fat and said, �Hell no,� but then that theory gets blown out of the water when you consider that Mariah looks even worse as a big girl.

The possibilities are endless. At the end of the day, the only question that really matters is: Mariah Carey as a country singer? And who the hell�s letting her make another movie?



JLo
JLo tries to annoy us even more with a new dance show

Another celebrity who just can�t seem to stick to what she�s good at is JLo, who is, to be fair, taking her one discernable talent (dancing) and mixing it with something she�s not nearly so good at (producing – did anyone see South Beach?)

The result is Moves, and upcoming reality series for MTV that will cast a series of aspiring dancers against JLo and her team of top tier choreographers. The winner, predictably, will hopefully go on to a successful career as a dancer in both videos and tours.

JLo says she�s a natural match for the series because, �I started out as a dancer, and I know what that world is. These dancers have dedicated their lives to this. It's something they do only out of love. It's a tough life, and I want to show that struggle.�

Show it, by all means, but could you do us all a favor and spare us any more of that �Jenny from the Block� bullshit. We get it! You used to be broke, now you�re not. You used to take the 6 train, now you take a yacht. You used to have talent, now you�re just a twa _. What I mean to say is, Jenny – I used to like you, I really did, but stories of you being a bitch, recent lackluster acting performances and the fact that you can�t sing your way out of a paper bag turned me. Win us back, Jennifer. Win us back!



Ryan Seacrest Seacrest says dumping Teri Hatcher was his issue

Weeks after it became public knowledge that American Idol host Ryan Seacrest dropped Desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher after one date, he�s made a statement, saying the reason things didn�t work out are his fault.

The couple shared a date and a smooch in Malibu back in March, and photographers were standing by to catch the two in the act. Hatcher said at the time they both knew the pics had been taken, he dropped her at home and an hour later, called her up and said, �I don�t think I can do this with you right now.�

Now, Ryan�s saying it�s his busy schedule at Idol, on the radio, at E! Entertainment Television and the fact that he just can�t make any time for a relationship right now that caused the breakup.

�She's clever. She's self-deprecating. She's successful. She can pay for dinner. What's wrong? It is strange, but I don't think it was a Teri Hatcher issue. It's a Ryan Seacrest issue.�

Hmm, is this Ryan�s clever little way of coming out? I know many of you readers would like to hope so, especially after the dude showed up at the West Hollywood Halloween Parade and was crowned, Queen of the Festival. But sources tell me Ryan is one of the few folks in Hollywood we�re all dead wrong about.

At least we can take comfort in knowing that if we can�t have him, neither can Teri.



Further evidence Lance Bass is gay

A couple I don�t think any of us saw coming. Lance Bass and Shannon Elizabeth.

Or is that Lance Bass and Jamie-Lynn DiScala?

Perhaps its Jaime-Lynn and Reichen?

Anyone catching on yet?

The four have been caught shopping together, at dinner together. But then, if you look beyond into other photos, there�s Reichen with Lance and about ten other people posing for photos in front of some garish New York hotel, with neither Jaime-Lynn or Shannon to be found.

Perez Hilton scooped the story, digging up tons of pics of the former NSync star and Reichen out and about town. They are never once looking at each other, never even placed next to each other in the photos, but they�re a couple. Come on. They have to be. And with Lance popping up with all of Kathy Griffin�s gays on My Life on the D List, then showing up around the world with TV�s most famous gay reality star � I�m not saying gays and straights can�t be friends, but come on.

If the rumors are true, congrats. We wish you the best, truly. If they aren�t, we�re going to keep pushing the story because we want them to be.

And for all you Reichen fans, check out the new straight to DVD Horror flick The Scorned. It sucks, except for that scene where Reichen shows off his soaped up ass.



And since we�re sitting here gushing about Reichen, it seems only fitting if we�re going to gossip, we should rightfully name the guy our Hottie of the Week. It would be easy to dismiss Reichen as a reality TV has been � because that�s really what America seems to want for all reality show stars. But this stud�s managed to take his 15 minutes and generate something real, starting with The Reichen Show, his weekly talk show that began with a successful cyber run and just wrapped production on the now defunct Q Television.



I think it�s safe to say his 2004 calendar is one of the hottest and bestselling of all time. Now, Reichen is working on a book, discussing everything from his time in the Air Force to coming to terms with being gay to his time as a reality show stud on The Amazing Race. Sky�s the limit for this guy, and we can truly see why.







Annette Bening Annette Bening and a cast of gorgeous ladies go gay

All you ladies out there who have been waiting for a really good, mainstream (ish) movie featuring top tier actors in gay roles, get ready to pup a big ole smile.

Annette Bening, one of the finest actresses of her generation, will go head to head with Tony winner Kristen Chenoweth (Broadway�s Wicked, The West Wing), stage and screen veteran Beth Grant (Sordid Lives, Donnie Darko) and BET/Young Hollywood Award Winner Gabrielle Union (Bring it On, Say Uncle) in the highly anticipated Oscar fodder – Running With Scissors, based on the award winning memoir by out writer Augusten Burroughs.

Though its not exactly clear where lesbianism and bisexuality play a role in the film (in the book, Burroughs makes it quite clear his characters experiment), the fact that four actresses of this caliber are embracing such a meaty project (which, as an added bonus, features tons of girl on girl loving) is thrilling. We can tell you, based on info we got from Grant in an interview last month, she shot a scene in bed with Bening.



How far does it go? Head to theatres in late October to find out.

And as we anxiously await the release of Running With Scissors, why not pay tribute to one of its hottie stars. Gabrielle Union is one of those actresses who�s managed to break out of the box Hollywood so often tries to create for black actresses. She�s never been anyone�s bitch. Never been anyone�s ho. Never had to play a crack head, a maid, some rap star�s girlfriend (yeah, Hollywood is that bad).

Gabrielle Union

In addition to having starring roles in two gay themed films this year (Scissors and Queer as Folk star Peter Paige�s Say Uncle), she�s played an ace reporter (Nightstalker), was the first black female guest star of Friends, head cheerleader (Bring it On) and the wife of the country�s first black doctor (Something the Lord Made). Did we also mention she�s a tireless volunteer for AIDS charities and graduated magna cum laude from UCLA in Sociology. Smart, hot, and gay-friendly. How can we resist?

That�s all she wrote this time, folks. Until we meet again, enjoy, best wishes and happy shit talking.

  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.


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