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Ross von Metze | May 10, 2006

There's already talk of a Star Jones smackdown courtesy of Rosie on The View

I called it. Boy did I call it?

From the moment reports began to trickle through Hollywood that Rosie O�Donnell was taking over for Meredith Vieira as the ringmaster of The View, I knew drama was but a moment away.

But who knew tales of backstage rivalries would start to fly before the four ladies and Barb even reconvened on The View�s soundstage?

Rosie does not like Star and Star does not like Rosie � at least that�s what gossip columnists around Los Angeles led with this fine Thursday morning. Not that I�m at all surprised. To me, adding Rosie O�Donnell to The View is almost like replicating Joy Behar. They�re both liberal. Both opinionated. Both from Brooklyn. OK, so one prefers dick and one prefers Bush � as we�ve tried to tell Americans a thousand times over, is that really such a big difference?

I am theorizing that Barb set this all up on purpose in an attempt to get Jones to vacate her post. Ever since her lavish wedding, paid for by American Express and countless other docents, the ladies at The View (minus blondie, who barely sneaks a word in edgewise around that table) have become increasingly frustrated with Star. Her sudden weight loss (she still claims it was all thanks to diet and exercise). Her recent boob job nightmare. Joy basically told the girl to shut the fuck up on live TV. Now if that�s not tension.

I guess we�ll have to wait until September to see just how dirty the dish gets, but while you�re waiting, remember – I�m saying it now and I�ll say it again. This is a recipe for disaster, and I plan on TiVoing every minute.



Another TV star got an earful this week – Oprah Winfrey

Nobody talks smack about Oprah. OK, so maybe Kathy Griffin did when she said getting tossed out of Hermes was so not the most embarrassing moment of the talk show hosts life (�Didn�t she get fucked up the butt by her uncle when she was 10?�, she quipped.), but generally speaking, the high priestess of daytime talk is off limits.

Apparently, nobody got the memo to 50 Cent, who claims the daytime diva of talk �caters to older white women� and doesn�t invite rappers as guests on her show because she�s afraid of alienating her primarily white demographic.

�Fiddy�s� animosity likely began when his friend, rapper Ludacris, lashed out at the talk show host for editing a number of his comments during an appearance on the show discussing Best Picture winner Crash.

�She edited out a lot of my comments while keeping her own in,� the rapper said at the time. �Of course, it's her show, but we were doing a show on racial discrimination, and she gave me a hard time as a rapper when I came on there as an actor. Initially, I wasn't even invited on the show.

�It was like being at someone's house who doesn't really want you there.�

50 Cent continued by saying that he doesn�t really care what Oprah thinks because she�s lost touch with Black America and that he�s not interested in catering to her audience. Yikes! Something tells me Steadman might wanna disappear for a couple of days while his sugar mama blows off some steam.



Cher coming out of retirement

Speaking of mama�s � here�s a doozie. Cher – you know, she of the never ending retirement tour – is coming out of retirement less than a year after singing her final (finally) swan song.

The singer is said to have signed a deal to replace Celine Dion and Caesar�s Palace in Las Vegas when the Canadian chanteuse hangs up her hat in 2007. The colusseum, which was built specifically for Celine, will be reconfigured for Cher, who will take to the stage at the end of the year with a career retrospective.

Reports say Cher just wasn�t happy playing bridge with the other grannies at the old folks home, and so she�s dusted off her chaps and her assless panties and is ready to get back in the game. No word yet on just how long she�ll perform, but if it�s anything like the last time she tried to say goodbye, expect her to outlast Wayne Newton.

Not that all things Cher are worth making fun of � she is, after all, a gay icon in every sense of the word. Word on the street also indicated Cher might step in front of the camera again – for a nude photo shoot. Apparently, Cher�s lookin� good � and she wants to get it all on film before things start going south.

And for yet another project only gay men will stand in line for �

Denise Richards says Heather Locklear "knows what she's done" ...

Denise Richards is saying she had nothing to do with Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora getting a divorce, even though Richie was caught on film with his hand down Denise�s bathing suit a few weeks back. Denise is saying this all happened long after the two had split and that �Heather knows why we�re no longer friends.�

OK, that is so friggin� Paris and Nicole.

I expect that sort of crap from teens whose parents bankroll their entire lives, but for Denise to stoop to such a tattletail, bitchy school girl level confirms something I�ve thought of her for years: She�s a bitch and a slut.

If you care to read more on Denise�s musings, pick a copy of the latest People, in which she tells her side of the story on all things Heather, Charlie Sheen, how in God�s name she continued to work after her embarrassing turn in Tomorrow Never Dies. Of course, if you�re not interested in wasting your time, I can pretty much sum it all up for you. She claims Charlie�s been crazy for a long time (so why the hell didn�t you leave before?), she and Heather had �a falling out� (over spouse swapping perhaps?) and she�s a victim (yeah right. And so�s Angelina Jolie).

For the second week in a row, Denise Richards is our BITCH OF THE WEEK.



Hottie of the week

And now, on to something a tad more appealing to the eye � men! This week, I decided to head over to the Broadway stage for our Hottie of the Week where Hollywood star Bradley Cooper is basically stealing Three Days of Rain right out from under Julia Roberts and stage vet Paul Rudd.







The show arrived on Broadway with scathing reviews despite playing to sold out houses, but critics all seem to agreed Cooper�s the best thing about the show. I first fell for Brad when he played ill-fated Will Tippin on Alias, and further expressed my love when he was Christine Lahti�s boy toy on the short lived Jack & Bobby and Matthew McConaughey�s right hand man in Failure to Launch. I see leading man in the stars for this stud. What do you think?

And so we�ve come to the end of another week. Thanks for stopping by, enjoy, and remember always � it ain�t trash until someone starts digging through it.

  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.


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    Duane Wells weighs in on the Denise Richards / Charlie Sheen divorce

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