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Hollywood Celebrity Buzz

Ross von Metze | May 05, 2006

Duane Wells weighs in on the Denise Richards / Charlie Sheen divorce

Welcome to another week of juicy celebrity dish, faithful readers. In an effort to shake things up a bit and bring you more bang for your buck, I�ve decided to throw you a curve ball this week. Two gossips for the price of one (and since you aren�t paying to read this, that�s an awfully meaty column you�re getting for free).

Each week, I�m going to get one of my fellow gossips in crime to weigh in on what�s happening in the world of entertainment. This time, we�ve music, movie and fashion extraordinaire Duane Wells, a regular contributor to our sites. Over lunch in Silverlake (where Liz Cruz herself, Roma Maffia of nip/tuck, was lunching herself), we went to town on the latest dirt to his the tabloids.

Up first – the ever entertaining disaster that is Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen�s marriage. The week got off to a bang when it was announced Denise had filed a restraining order against Charlie, who she alleges threatened to kill her. Order granted, and now Charlie has to stay at least 300 feet away from his wife of three years at all times.

But the waters got a bit more rocky when Richards was caught on film getting might cozy with rocker Richie Sambora over the weekend� on the beach, on a hotel balcony, in a caf�. And why not, you ask? Soon to be divorcees have a right to get back on the horse, don�t they? Of course they do� but not with their best friend�s soon to be ex husband.

Duane: Whoa. That is good!

Ross: That�s some drama, isn�t it? And one of Denise�s friends said, �well, it�s not serious. She just needed a shoulder to cry on.

Duane: Yeah, but don�t cry on your best friends husbands shoulder. You know, that would also explain why there was so much confusion going on with Richie and Heather. For so long, nobody knew what was going on. I mean, they seemed to be happy. Heather didn�t seem to have a clue.

Ross: Poor thing. Bless her heart.

Duane: And I mean, how could you sleep with your best friend�s husband? Especially not when he�s still your best friend�s husband.

Ross: I know, that�s very Jenny Jones.

Heather (Locklear, in case anyone was wondering) and Denise bonded when Heather was costarring with Charlie on Spin City. Denise guest starred, the two shared a prime time kiss and they�ve been bonded at the hip ever since. Just a few short months ago, the pair were photographed leaving a Los Angeles hot spot. Denise was one of five people Heather invited to her birthday party.

Now that�s close.

As of now, Heather ain�t saying nothing, which is probably smart. I say let that ho sink her own battleship, Heather. You go on and take the high road. Denise – You are far and away the BITCH of the week.

Moving on to something we covered last week, but I wanted to explore in more detail with Duane�

the case of Whitney�s allegedly missing teeth

The original crack head herself Whitney Houston was carted off to rehab last week by members of her family, who are supposedly keeping her whereabouts a secret from Bobby. But the bigger question is� did Whitney really show up at the rehab facility without her teeth? Rumor has it Whitney�s done so many drugs, her teeth fell out. So, is Whitney really missing her chompers?

Duane: Oh yes. You can�t smoke that much crack� I mean, the first thing to go is your teeth. It makes your gums brittle�

Ross: Yeah, I�m with you. And I�m hoping this time in rehab does the trick.

Duane: Well apparently Bobby is nutting, because he don�t wanna lose control.

As for the supposed comeback album that Whit was alleged to have finished around Xmas, no word. Clive Davis is keeping his trap shut – perhaps the old svengali himself has finally washed his hands? We can hope and pray that Whitney finds her way, but with the shitstorm of drama that�s hit the tabloids on this one lately, suffice it to say she�s got an uphill battle.

On to someone else whose dependence on the sauce has raised some eyebrows around Hollywood recently

Paula Abdul's alleged assault

Paula Abdul (shown here back in the day), her erratic behavior becoming the stuff of legend on the set of American Idol.

As if her scatter brained commentary and knock down, drag out fights with Simon weren�t entertaining enough, now, even Ryan Seacrest has turned on her, telling People Magazine the two don�t speak and don�t get along. Gee – and I thought he liked everyone. Gay allegations aside, the metrosexual in him had to own a copy of Forever Your Girl growing up!

But the bigger sign that Paula�s gone over the deep end is her recent allegation that she was assaulted at a Hollywood party. Following the incident, Abdul claimed the was grabbed and thrown up against a wall by a man who has since been identified as Creative Artists Agency (CAA) agent Jim Lefkowitz. She claims she suffered a concussion and spinal injuries but opted to seek her own medical attention (i.e. no report was filed) and would agree to have her injuries photographed at a later date (um, those things heal).

Even more surprising is the fact that just 48 hours later, she made it to hosting duties on Idol, seemingly better than she�d been in weeks. No mention of the trauma. No sign anything was wrong. Paula, for the first time all season, seemed� lucid.

So here�s the thing. Now, tabloids are suggesting Paula made the whole thing up to cover for the fact that she was so high at that party, bouncers had to throw her out.

Duane: OK, Paula done lost her mind. You know sometimes you watch that show and she looks like she�s on something. You hear her say something, and you�re like, �Paula, what are you on? You had one too many.�

Ross: Not only that, I can�t tell half the time if she�s drunk, high or had a really bad face lift. Her face looks lazy.

Duane: Her words are lazy. Simon just looks at her like, �Oh lord, she drunk.�

Ross: Last week, he said to her – �Paula, I don�t think America understood a word you just said.�

Duane: �A �C-E. You look beautiful. America luves you. You�re a shtarrrr.�

Shout out time

George Michael allegedly spends hours cruising the streets looking for gay lovers. His cousin says that�s what he was doing the night cops found him passed out and slumped over his steering wheel. George, the Po Po already caught you in a compromising position in a park restroom, do you really need to go trolling the streets? Just use Manhunt like everyone else.

Our friends Scott & Scott of the Romentics series got some airtime last week on an episode of Bravo�s Top Chef. We just love their gay, Harlequin style romance series and it�s nice to see their lovely mugs on Prime Time. Go ahead, boys. Make us all proud.

Patti LaBelle

Martha Stewart may have finally figured out how to loosen up a bit� get some funny fucking guests. In the last few weeks, Martha�s entertained Robin Williams, Patti LaBelle and Monique on her show (the latter told homegirl she was planning to steal some kitchen utensils on her way out). Hey, anything to thaw that frigid glare she�s been rocking for the past decade.

Hottie of the Week

And finally, make way for our extra hot hottie of the week.
Playgirl�s Man of the year, and a staple on our Interactive Celebrity Male countdown, Mr. Derrick Davenport. It takes a big man to score the top prize from the folks over at Playgirl,

and based on the pics we saw from his inaugural issue, he�s got what it takes. We can�t show those here, of course, but we can give you a tasty sneak peek. So enjoy, folks. Don�t get too fired up.

And that brings us to the end of the buzz this time around. Til next time!

  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.

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