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Hollywood Celebrity Buzz

Ross von Metze | March 29, 2006

Tom Sizemore is up to his old tricks, screwing ladies and taping it

For a guy I actually have to look up on the Internet every time he makes headlines to remind myself exactly what he�s done, Tom Sizemore sure does make the rounds. From beating his wife to stints in drug and alcohol rehab to being the notorious bad boy on film set after film set to Robert De Niro threatening to haul his ass to jail if he didn�t sober up, he�s like the Charlie Sheen of today, just without any of the acclaim or the fame.

The latest Sizemore scandal? The Saving Ryan�s Privates star (oh no wait, Tom was actually in the REAL movie) claims he screwed Liz Hurley back when she was still married to Hugh Grant. The two co-starred in this lame early �90s Wesley Snipes action pic Passenger 57 and Sizemore claims when he professed his love for Hurley, she took him to bed.

�Her body is to die for,� he told a British tabloid. �She has these long smooth legs and the most perfect boobs I've ever seen. We kissed and stroked every last inch of each other. We couldn't get enough.�

Allegedly, he�s got this one on tape too, in addition to tapes the 44-year-old druggie says he has of him and Paris Hilton and numerous tapes scattered around the web of him with a bevy of Hollywood whores. And, just because he hasn�t seen his name in the headlines for a few weeks, he is threatening to leak this one too. What a way to treat your lady love!

The admittedly talented character actor was on a roll in the late 90�s for his acclaimed turn in Ryan, followed by a Golden Globe nominated performance in 1999�s made for TV movie Witness Protection. After following those gigs with high-profile roles in Pearl Harbor and Black Hawk Down, Hollywood has apparently grown sick of Tom�s shit. His latest flick co-stars Shar Jackson � aka, the other woman in Kevin Federline�s life. Ouch!

A fitting end for a true loser. If guys can be bitches of the week, this one is the ultimate!

Kylie Minogue expected to make a full recovery

So how about we shift the focus to something a tad more pleasant: It appears that everyone�s favorite pint sized pop-star, Kylie Minogue, is finally well on her way to a full recovery after her year long battle with breast cancer.

Sporting a super hot spiky blonde hairdo while her locks grow back in, Minogue was seen in public for the first time last week without a head scarf, looking healthy and happy, according to onlookers. Sister Danni also happily reported that Kylie is writing lyrics and anxious to get back in the studio this year for an album she hopes will be out in early 2007.

The prognosis did not look good for Kylie amid reports last year that she was wasting away, couldn�t keep food down and was advised by her doctors she was too weak to travel home to Australia for the holidays. Kylie had to cancel the Australian leg of her Showgirl tour when she was first diagnosed in early 2005.

Danni has been acting as the unofficial spokeswoman for Kylie�s recovery in recent months, even stepping in for her sister at a huge benefit concert in the UK when doctors said Kylie would not be well enough to attend.

From your legion of gay fans and well wishers Kylie, we couldn�t be happier.

Joan Rivers is looking for love online

Now for a riotous revelation: If you�re a member of the dating site Match.com, you too can navigate the murky waters of love. Perhaps you�ll stumble upon Joan�s profile. According to E! Online, she and her assistant Matt Stewart have put out the word. Joan Rivers is looking for the perfect man.

The comedienne is looking for a man between the ages of 65 and 75 – funny, warm hearted, and breathing.

Rivers has been single since her late husband, British producer Edgar Rosenberg, committed suicide in 1987. And while she�s open to the idea of living and loving again, she claims that so far, things are off to a sluggish start. "We were hoping to meet Mr. Right. We didn't even get a wink,� she cracks. �Maybe there is somebody sitting out there in the east side of New York who's right for me.�

Can you imagine the type of guy who might actually answer Joan Rivers� personal ad?

Uh, hey Joan. I�m 68 and I just love the way your face twitches every time you try and smile. The way you botch everyone�s name on the red carpet because your glaucoma�s so bad you can�t read the prompter� Brilliant. If you�re into botox, long walks down Rodeo and QVC shopping sprees, drop me a line.

In addition, to sweeten the pot, Rivers says she has two �eggs in the refrigerator" for any potential suitors desperate to be dads. Yeah, how long have those been in there?

Portia de Rossi comes clean about eating disorder

Almost as sad as Joan�s attempt to find a man is Portia de Rossi�s recent revelation that the stick thin women she worked with on Ally McBeal made her feel inadequate, and so she lost weight, a lot of it, until, she says, she almost disappeared.

Portia credits Ellen DeGeneres with giving her the strength to come forward about her eating disorder and says that while it�s not a struggle she�s proud of, it�s one she thinks people need to talk about.

She�s also pissed about America�s obsession with weight in general, saying even people as revered as Oprah will likely go down in history as a yo-yo dieter rather than the revolutionary she should.

�Here's a woman who could not be more powerful,� she tells Vogue. �She has done amazing things for the world. And yet, when you think of Oprah, you think �Weight-Obsessed Yo-Yo Dieter.� Whether she knows it or not, that's a legacy she will leave.�

Sadly, Portia�s proclamation comes just as O seems to be tipping the scales again.

Matt McConaughey and Penelope Cruz on a running tour of Europe

OK, now back into some funny shit. You gotta love Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz. Honestly, I�m not quite sure which one of the happy duo speaks worse English. The Spanish siren who sounds like she just stepped off the plane yesterday or the Texas hick who sounds like he abruptly halted his education just about the time the other kids were learning compound sentences.

In their latest venture as a Hollywood super couple, their inability to communicate with each other might not pose a problem. It seems they�re doing European tours while running at the speed of light. In an attempt to dodge the paparazzi that is constantly on their tails, a British tabloid has reported Cruz and McConaughey, who met on the set of their hit Sahara, have signed up for a running tour of Rome. Called �citijogging,� the idea is that the stars can see the sights, but will be running so fast fans and photogs wont spot them.

A source says, �Celebrities like these tours because they're unlikely to be recognized. Most people just think they're local joggers.�

Hmmm� I just got a crazy idea. Maybe Kevin can treat Britney to a �citijog.� Absorb some culture, and take off those last few baby rolls.

Back to the language thing for a sec: McConaughey claims that the fact the pair have to work at communicating is actually an asset, because you think very carefully about what you want to say. �When I speak Spanish, I choose my words very carefully,� the hunk says. �Instead of saying 'I am from Chicago', I may say, 'My first days in this world were in the city with the wind'. All of a sudden you frame this little poetic thing.� Now isn�t that enough to make you choke on your tapas!

Hottie of the Week

I�ve never had an easier time appointing a hottie. This week, with the return of my favorite show Prison Break, it was a given.

Wentworth Miller is so devastatingly handsome, it almost hurts. When he�s upset, I wanna hold him. When he�s angry, I�m right there by his side. When he slips out of his jumpsuit And hits the showers, you gotta clear the room.

Add to that the fact that he can act, is so not into the Hollywood scene and could quite possibly be gay (the rumors about him are compelling and frequent) and you�ve practically got to peel me off the ceiling with just the mention of his name. Wentworth, we salute you.

And finally, as we get ready to say goodbye,

our Bad Ass of the Week:

A woman I know most of you have spent the last two weeks mourning, L Word star Erin Daniels, whose character Dana lost her battle with breast cancer earlier this month.

While fans of the show are livid writers chose to end Dana�s (and Erin�s) journey, Daniels gets major props for being able to sit on news her character was going to die for nearly a year, then handle her impending departure with such grace and dignity. Erin: You will surely be missed, but with that kind of attitude, we�re sure we�ll see big things from you.

And now, tis time to close out another scathing installment of the Hollywood Celebrity Buzz.

TO REVIEW: Tom Sizemore isn�t just a druggie, he�s a nasty, out of work, sleezbag who does drugs; Kudos to Kylie for being back on your feet; Matt and Pen may just be running through a town near you soon; Someone please find Joan Rivers a flipping man; maybe Oprah can give Portia that hoagie she was planning to eat for lunch; Erin Daniels – way to go out like a star! and our Hottie – Wentworth Miller

  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.

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