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Ross von Metze | January 10, 2006

Lindsay Lohan confesses to being a druggie and a bulimic

Ten days into the New Year and we already have a case of drug abuse/bulimia� from the same person

Lindsay Lohan, who�s had one hell of a rough 2005, confessed to Vanity Fair in the February issue that she has Battled bulimia and drug abuse in the last year. And now, reports are trickling in that a friend visited her in the hospital yesterday with a take-home pregancy test, further fueling rumors her relationship with Jared (hottie) Leto isn't just platonic.

Lohan�s troubles started long before her dramatic weight loss earlier this year. In 2004, her father was arrested multiple times and cops were called to break up domestic disputes at the Lohan house. Earlier this year, Lohan�s mom filed for divorce, dad threatened to sue for half of Lindsay�s earnings and, subsequently, threatened to kill his daughter on national television.

Let the games begin. Lohan�s downward spiral began when she dropped tons of weight just before the debut of her summer hit, Herbie Fully Loaded, in which she appeared with her natural red hair and a good 25lbs curvier. Then she was hospitalized: At the time, Linds blamed the ever popular �exhaustion� – later, she admitted it was the result of poor eating habits and not taking care of herself.

Then the rumors of substance abuse started. First because of photos like the one seen here popping up in tabloids and on weblogs. Then because she started partying with the likes of Nicole (�I�ve done rehab for heroin and I dropped 30lbs in 3 months�) Richie and Tara (�When am I not drunk?�) Reid.

And then� Lindsay hit the hospital again, this time for an asthma attack. Linds' mom says she�s fine and re-cooperating at home, but two days later, the Vanity Fair story broke. Linds' is on the February cover and, in the interview, alludes to dabbling with drugs �a little, then admits to sticking fingers down her throat. �I was sick,� the magazine quotes her. �I had people sit me down and say, 'You're going to die if you don't take care of yourself.' My sister was scared. My brother called me crying.�

Lindsay�s peeps caught wind of the admission and allegedly called Vanity Fair editors begging them to bury the statement. Even Lindsay tried to backtrack� when they asked if she�d done cocaine, Lindsay said� �It's kind of a sore subject.�

If this were anyone else, this is the point where I would start raking Lindsay over the coals, calling her a two bit hooker, printing Betty Ford�s direct number, asking where the next stop on the no talent train to Hollywood is located. But come on, people. Daddy Lohan threatened to kill the girl, and now he's serving a year and a half for plowing his car into another vehicle and damn near killing a person while intoxicated. I might not be first in line to see her in Herbie: Barely Legal or whatever porn she stumbles into mid career, but I also ain�t gonna kick a bitch while she�s down.

Matt McConaughey Breaks His Collarbone

Also hospitalized, though for reasons having nothing to do with a straw, a spoon or a back alley hand off, Matthew McConaughey (hottie that he is) is going to be laid up for quite some time (address forthcoming) after breaking his collarbone surfing.

The self professed beach bum (shirtless) bit it on a surfing trip to Costa Rica with girlfriend Penelope Cruz (out of the way, she monster) and made it all the way to shore before realizing he�d been injured (damn, masc.). Penelope (there�s that name again) helped him to the car and they went and got him all taken care of (I�d like to take care of Matt).

Thankfully, he has a movie in the can (three shirtless shots in the trailer, I counted them) with Sarah Jessica Parker (which is a three word name much like Ross von Metzke, who I frankly would rather see co-star) called Failure to Launch (� too easy), so the man has earned a few weeks off.

Matthew� on behalf of all breathing gay men in the United States, Canada and abroad, I would like to thank you for being so damn hot and wish you a speedy recovery. When you are once again raring to go, my number is 323-555-8789. USE IT!

Mariah Carey Needs a Bib

I know, kind of an off headline � but I figure the bitch must need something after showing up to Dick Clark�s New Years Rockin� Eve wearing little more than strips of fabric the folks at Yardage Town toss out when they get to the end of a spool.

OK, I went there, so I have to stay there for a sec – more on the bib later. Whoriah Carey performed outside in Times Square on New Years Eve. Temperature? About 30 degrees, possibly less. Whoriah�s dancers, who are bound to work up a sweat, are wearing coats. Whoriah, who can barely walk and sing at the same time, squeezed into this mini dress looking like a Farmer John sausage... the seams are that close to busting. Is she cold? Nah. All those sequins are actually mini space heaters that warm the body.

OK, now for the bib (which would at least cover up the hoo hoo area, but I digress). Whoriah allegedly says she is such a messy eater she needs a bib to get though a meal. Well, now, wasn�t that interesting?

OK, back to the clothes. Come on, ho. I�m all for letting it all hang out, and this theory that you dress like a ho cuz in real life, you�re a prude, but please. It�s damn near snowing and your running around with your chonch in the breeze. So not right!

And just cuz it sounded funny �

Joan Rivers wishes all her ex lovers would drop dead.

That�s kinda harsh considering her second husband, Edgar Rosenberg, did drop dead� and that�s why Joan is single and saying shit like this.

Anywho, Joan (who just turned 72 and looks dead, frozen and resurrected) admitted she hates any of her ex beau's to have more fun than she does. So, instead, she wants the man to profess their undying love for her and then, �whether we dump him or he dumps us� he should die.�

OK, and thanks for that Joan.

So, that�s all she wrote for this week. And since I think my last sendoff wore out its welcome in 2005, we�re gonna end things a bit differently in �06. A recap of what we�ve learned this week, broken down.

TO REVIEW: Drugs and excessive dieting Hollywood style will get you the cover of a national magazine; Rock solid hot men with broke collar bones become rock solid, hot and vulnerable men; Mariah Carey is a honey baked ham and Joan Rivers needs to profess her undying love for me, then die.

  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.

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