Hollywood Celebrity Buzz
Ross von Metze | December 20, 2005
Angelina Jolie still shacking up with her ex girlfriend?
Seeing as how it�s the holiday season, I would love nothing more than to bring good tidings and warm wishes to the bevy of headline-making Hollywood couples out there! Too bad so many of them are seemingly on the rocks (hey, I hear Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman are doin� alright, if it�s any consolation).
Other heavy hitters, not so much. First up, it looks like Hollywood�s most dramatic love triangle has just become a square, thanks to a little lesbian who just hasn�t gotten the memo her girl has moved on� several times.
Meet Jenny Shimizu (who used to model but looks a bit rough around the edges in this recent pic we found), who carried on a love affair with Angelina Jolie from the time the pair started filming Foxfire in 1993 until� apparently� they�re still screwing.
Shimizu told reporters they still have a strong connection: �There has never been an end to her and I,� she claims. �I think there never will be. She's always had lovers that she relies on. If she can ring you and you can meet up, then she can take care of her sexual needs. Whenever she calls me up I visit her. She's the person I'll always care about and always help and always be there for.�
To add insult to injury, Shimizu claims that Brad Pitt, sexy as he is, will never be able to tame wild Angelina. She confessed she has doubts about what the future holds for Brad.
"It seems he comes from a different place. He wants to have kids and he wants to have the perfect marriage. She's a tough woman who will do everything she wants to. I don't think there is any way of controlling Angelina. She's not going to be a housewife.�
Gotta love this shit. Meanwhile, you just know Jennifer Aniston�s sitting at home, pulling needles out of her Voodoo doll and thinking, �Mission Accomplished.�
Of course, if Brad�s like every other straight man on the planet, he can probably get this one to work in his favor. I mean, come on? Jenny, Angie, Brad � that would be one hot session.
And Jennifer? Sorry again, girl. Looks like one more party you just weren�t invited to!
Jessica Simpson Pleasantly Plump?
Our second couple in crisis� Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. By now, everyone from Argentina to the North Pole knows Jess and her man are splitsville, but just hours after the couple released a statement that paradise was over, tabloids were reporting that Jessica had been dipping into the carbs some 30lbs worth.
Well, I am happy to report I saw Jessica last week in pics taken at VH1�s Big in 2005 event. She looks faboo. A bit curvier than in The Dukes of Hazzard� but in a good way.
Her lips, on the other hand, looked way too big. Check out the before and after. Bad move, blondie.
Apparently, she caught wind of the weight rumors and decided that maybe, if she stuffed a whole lot of illegal shit in a needle and injected it into her lips, it might detract from her expanding ass.
Well, Jess, it backfired, cuz you look like Nick found out just how little money he actually made while you two were married and popped you in the face. In case you haven�t been following, Nick and Jess don�t have a prenup, a fact Jess is fighting seeing as how she made millions and he made thousands while the two shared a boudoir.
We�ll keep you posted on how this one pans out, but in the meantime� note to Ms. Simpson. Enjoy being young. You�re 25. Wait at least 20 years before taking another trip to Meg Melanie Ryan Griffith�s doctor.
Pam�s Pole Dance too Hot for TV
Ah, Pamela Anderson. The gays love you for being a skanky, campy mess, but apparently network TV doesn�t appreciate your on-stage antics. It seems Pamela Anderson was cut from TV screens after her steamy pole dance during Elton John�s TV special proved too hot for viewers. The bodacious blonde was dropped from the special after her performance on a giant screen behind Elton singing his hit �The Bitch is Back� was deemed too provocative for family viewing.
The show, filmed live at Las Vegas' Caesars Palace, was broadcast on NBC without the song. Critics, who had watched preview copies of the show, had suggested the accompanying on-stage video of the scantily-dressed star could offend audiences.
What is it with titty shy Americans recently? You couldn�t get enough of this girl�s boobs back when she was on Baywatch. You had no problem letting Madonna "the milk truck" Ciconne or Mary Louise Parker pop out of their respective dresses at Golden Globe ceremonies of years past while breast feeding. Add a pole to the mix and suddenly we�re offended?
I for one will be purchasing the DVD.
George Michael Singing Dirty Diana�s Secrets
OK, I know how it goes. We love George Michael cuz he�s a big ole� homo. Well, I�m sorry. I�m a little perturbed at him right now. Some secrets you should take to the grave, and dragging Princess Di�s name through the mud� nasty. See, George claims the princess wanted to have sex with him. He�s implied that his relationship with the beautiful royal was never the same since he turned her down. "There were certain things that happened that made it clear she was very attracted to me,� he told British tabloids. �There was no question. She was very like a lot of women who've been attracted to me because they see something non-threatening. I feel guilty because she did really like me as a person, and I tended to shy away from calling her because I thought she must have so many people calling her for all the wrong reasons.� Damn, George � when did you become some sex God. I�m glad you got to turn down a princess in your life, but if you really felt bad for Di, why�d you have to go spilling that private tale to the public?
Go Viggo Go
And finally, much as I�m over George, I�m into Viggo Mortensen. Check out what he had to say this week about the US Prez: "I'm not anti-Bush; I'm anti-Bush behavior. In other words, I'm against cheating, greed, cruelty, racism, imperialism, religious fundamentalism, treason, and the seemingly limitless capacity for hypocrisy shown by Bush and his administration. Cindy Sheehan (peace activist whose son was killed in Iraq) and how badly Katrina was bungled are two shots to the heart. I hope the beast does fall down soon."
An so it goes, hoez. Until we chat again, remember� one person�s trash is another person�s rent check.
Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.
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