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Ross von Metze | November 25, 2005

Courtney Love Courtney Love out of rehab just in time for Egg Nog

Tis the season: For some, it�s about the turkey. For others, family. And for a precious few, it�s all about getting tanked.

So I�m taking bets on how Courtney Love is planning to spend the holiday season. Yes, the messy rock goddess is out of rehab and, reportedly, is sporting a baby bump, reviving rumours she is expecting Steve Coogan's lovechild.

The wild star was photographed looking plumper than usual as she left a Los Angeles court. In August, a still strung out Love claimed she was pregnant with the Happy Endings star's baby after a brief fling. She reportedly told Britain's News of the World newspaper: "I'm pregnant. I only found out 72 hours go. I've only told three people and you're the fourth. I haven't even told Steve yet. I've been really unslutty and really picky. I haven't been with another man for a year, which is how I know the baby is his."

Both later denied they were having a child together.

So now, Love is out of rehab (she had been ordered to attend the clinic for 180 days after violating probation) and on the road to recovery, we hope. But is it selfish of me to want a few more Courtney shenanigans before she throws in the towel for good? I like Courtney tanked and throwing shoes at Madonna while the singer�s settling in for a chat with Kurt Loder. I love it when she spreads her legs and says she�s sober while flipping off the cameras during Pamela Anderson�s roast. And when she got wasted and led MTV on a 2 hour scavenger hunt through New York�s back alleys? Priceless! But alas, today is the day the music may have died. Love, supposedly, has made great progress and is fighting hard to regain custody of her daughter with Kurt Cobain, Francis Bean.

The singer is due to give the court a progress report on January 20 and is also required to have regular drug and alcohol checks and will be permitted to leave home only under certain circumstances.

Alright, so I guess MTV is gonna have to go pick her up next time!



Kirsten Dunst Kirsten Dunst to Give Courtney a Run for Her Money

It�s going to take a lot of hard work and dedication to even encroach on Courtney Love territory. I mean, the woman has been displaying pulic breakdown after public breakdown for more than a decade, save an Oscar party or two.

Tara Reid is coming close, except it�s not as funny because Tara has no discernable talent. Lindsay Lohan looked like she may have been headed down that road for a while, but then she put some weight back on her bones and started talking about college. Damn! So close!

Now, Kirsten Dunst is rumored to be the latest young starlet on the road to substance induced disaster. Somehow, the shoe just doesn�t seem to fit, but I�ll indulge the rumors for now!

Supposedly, Kirsten Dunst has been dubbed "Kirsten Drunkst" because her drinking habits have spun out of control. Pals of the Spiderman star are said to be concerned Kirsten is partying excessively and on the road to destruction, thanks in part to her new party pal – yup, you guessed it, Tara Reid.

Dunst and Reid arrived together at club promoter Brent Bolthouse's recent party at top Los Angeles nightclub Privilege, and were seen knocking back drinks until wee hours of the morning, according to the New York Post. This just a week after Dunst reportedly showed up at New York�s Elizabethtown premiere a disheveled, drunken mess, capping off the night cozying up to the just single Leonardo DiCaprio.

Further sparking rumors (Web sites are a buzz with rumored drunken outings by the actress), Dunst herself fueled the fire by joking on The Tonight Show she drinks so much she will end up in rehab. She told Jay Leno: "I stock up on Veuve Cliquot champagne. I buy it from Costco – cheap there. I have lots of alcohol and no food in my fridge. Maybe in a few months you will see me in a rehab clinic.�

Damn, girl! You might want to sit down with your publicist and reevaluate your career strategy, because I doubt this is what folks in Hollywood had in mind post your amazing performance at just 11 years old in Interview With a Vampire.



Jake Gyllenhaal Jake Gyllenhaal Flattered by Bi Rumors

Kirsten�s ex, the extra hot Jake Gyllenhaal, buffed up and dropped his clothes for Jarhead, then got down and dirty with Heath Ledger in the upcoming gay cowboy drama Brokeback Mountain. So it should only make sense that the gay/bi rumors start swirling. After all, if he�s hot, he has to be gay.

But unlike most Hollywood actors, Jake says he�s flattered.

�You know it's flattering when there's a rumor that says I'm bisexual,� he told reporters. �It means I can play more kinds of roles. I'm open to whatever people want to call me. I've never really been attracted to men sexually, but I don't think I would be afraid of it if it happened.�

Previously, Jake had admitted to going through a period of time when he questioned his sexuality. So could this mark the beginning of another Angelina Jolie, a hot actor who doesn�t believe in labels? I don�t think we�ve reached that point yet, but when we do, I can tell you I�ll be standing by with my pants down.



Quick Takes

Jennifer Lopez JLo�s Killer Coat

Jennifer Lopez has a coat made from 80 murdered chinchillas, according to singer Natalie Imbruglia. The Torn singer, who�s still huge in the UK and Australia, claims unlike JLo, who was recently targeted by PETA for wearing fur, she would never wear animal skins – because they suffered grisly deaths. The star also believes Jennifer's fur-wearing obsession makes her look like an old woman. She revealed to Britain's Cosmo: �It can take up to 100 chinchillas to make one coat and Jennifer Lopez has one made of 80 of them, all killed by electrocution or having their necks snapped. China, where most fur comes from, has no regulations for animal welfare. Dogs, cats and other animals are skinned alive and die slow, extremely painful deaths. Besides, wearing fur makes you look like an old woman!� Well, she is Marc Anthony�s old lady now – maybe she�s just trying to get into character? Nah! Anyone who�s seen Monster In Law knows Jen doesn�t prepare for a scene.



Kylie Minogue Kylie to be Back on Stage in 2006

Kylie Minogue, still battling Breast Cancer in France, has vowed to fans she will return to the stage at the end of next year. The gay icon was forced to cancel the Australian leg of her Showgirl tour after she was diagnosed with breast cancer in May, but recent indications her health is on the climb have made Kylie and Co. optimistic about a 2006 return. Fans who bought tickets to the concerts before the tour was cut short will be able to attend the new shows, although exact dates have yet to be announced. Tour promoter Michael Gudinski revealed:

"Kylie's touched that so many of her fans are waiting so patiently for the rescheduling of her Showgirl tour." The 37-year-old star has also announced she will release a digital single featuring live versions of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "Santa Baby" on Christmas Day this year. Early next month, Kylie�s official website, www.kylie.com, will start streaming live audio tracks and video clips from Kylie's DVD, Showgirl – The Greatest Hits Tour.

Tis� all this time around, folks. Hope you all had a blast this Turkey Day and remember, one person�s trash is another person�s rent check.
  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.


    Previous edition
    Paris� old lady Kathy Hilton proves like mother, like daughter [25/11/2005]

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