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Ross von Metze | April 26, 2005

Britney Spears Britney Spears pregnancy bombshell no surprise

So were any of you really surprised when Britney Spears announced she was with child? I mean, with the media doing everything but interrogate her OB/GYN at gunpoint, how could she not be?

All evidence pointed toward a pregnancy. Partying sans booze? Come on – this is the woman who knocked back a few too many shots of Jack Daniels and woke up in the morning next to husband number one. No caffeine? She�s 23-year-old property of the recording, cosmetic, clothing, fashion and film industries – like she doesn�t need an extra jolt. Going brunette? And not that dyed brunette she tried a couple years back, that mousy brunette she was born with.

So Brit and her trailer trash hubby are expecting their first – and according to her publicist, it�s a girl – she accidently told the press, �mother and daughter are doing just fine." Quick question! How long do you think it will be before the Federlines leave their baby in a bar? No word yet on how far along Brit is. Now I want Christina A. and Jessica Simpson to get knocked up – how hot would it be to see the three of them fighting over maternity dresses in Fredericks of Hollywood?



Daniel Davis Openly gay La Cage star gets the axe

Rumor has it The Nanny star Daniel Davis (he played British butler Niles) got a bit too queeny for his own good � and got the axe from Broadway�s La Cage aux Folles revival just a few months into his run.

Rumors had been swirling that Davis would leave the production. From not getting along with co-stars to making ridiculous demands of the back-stage cast, many felt Davis would hang in there at least long enough to score a much anticipated Tony nomination. But when producers told him to take a hike after a Sunday matinee last month, it became obvious the choice might not be his.

And for his replacement? Robert Goulet? This week on Live With Regis and Kelly, he told the hosts producers approached him and said �How would you feel about shaving off your moustache and wearing a dress for the next few months?� Apparently, Goulet was enticed. Robert will take over the role beginning Tuesday.



Kim Cattrall Kim Cattrall a gay man in a woman�s body?

Every gay man I know felt some sort of special bond with Samantha on Sex in the City. Well now, every gay man I know can feel some sort of bond with the actress who played her. Kim Cattrall has signed an endorsement deal with Bacardi to be the face of their new low calorie Island Breeze drink.

It seems not only does Kim love booze, but she counts calories too. "I have always enjoyed cocktails socially, but I have been conscious of both the calories and drinking in moderation, Cattrall said in a press release. That is why I agreed to endorse Island Breeze. It is the first lite spirit. Now, I can have great tasting, lighter cocktails that are low in calories. Now that's sexy."

OK, so it�s a cheesy media produced statement that Samantha might shove down one of her client�s throats. But it�s fun, harmless and tres gay, so that makes it news worthy.



Tatum O�Neal falls off the wagon?

The media (and Tatum O�Neal herself for that matter) have made a huge deal about the fact that the one time pint sized Oscar winner has mended her ways and stopped using booze and pills to solve her problems.

Hmmm? So what exactly was involved when Tatum, falling out of her dress and tripping over her heels, sucked face with another lady while waiting for her take-out order at New York City�s Pop Burger? Don�t blame Ginseng. Britney already tried that.

Tatum says the media blew everything out of proportion and that it was her friend who got a little messy. Um, hate to break it to you, but even under a Paper Moon, even the worst journalist can tell the difference between you and the African-American woman you were seen chilling with all night.



Judy Garland Friends of Dorothy – Let the bidding begin

Oh come on, all you theatre queens. I have it on good authority some of you will drop thousands for a Kleenex if Judy Garland dabbed her nose with it. Well now, the dress she filmed most of her Wizard of Oz scenes in is hitting the auction blocks from Bonhams & Butterfields.

The dress boasts a 27-inch waist (sorry, drag queens) and is expected to fetch upwards of $70,000. Many speculate Judy�s daughter Liza Minnelli will enter a bid – sadly, she didn�t get much of her mom�s stuff after the funeral. So much of it was sold to pay off Judy�s debts.



Weekly Paula Abdul drug watch

And just for good measure, I thought I�d update you all on Paula Abdul�s latest show of questionable behavior. On this Tuesday�s American Idol, while standing to praise rocker contestant Constantine Maroulis, Paula threw one hand over her head, closed her eyes and, while attempting to sit down, lost her balance and did this sort of drunken, drug induced slump. Again, I�m not claiming she�s on anything, just presenting the evidence.

OK, I�m done bitch bashing. We bashed a bunch of ladies, one homo and a former Pizza Delivery man into one column. Now that�s what I call success. Until next time, remember – one person�s trash is another person�s rent check. – Issued by Gay Link Content

  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.


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