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Ross von Metze | March 31, 2005

Whitney Houston Whitney checks into rehab again

Well, sadly, I could have called this one months ago, but it seems the original first lady of Orange, New Jersey (Miss Whitney Houston for those of you not up on your New England celebrity hometowns) has fallen off the wagon again. Yes folks, last Thursday morning, Whitney�s publicist confirmed that Whitney Houston has checked into a rehab facility again for an �undisclosed reason.�

Hmmm! Speculation has ranged from Whitney just stopping by for a tune up (Yeah right!) to Whitney being forced to go by mega-producer Clive Davis after he caught her sneaking shit behind his back while recording what�s being labeled as her �big comeback.� Oh, come on! Can�t you just see it now?

Whitney: Uh, hey Clive. Uh, yeah, let�s do this thang. Wooo hooo! I am reaadddy. Yeah!
Clive: Um, Whitney, what�s that white shit all over your nose?
Whitney: Oh, uh, Bobby Kris got frosted donuts and I just had a lil� bite!

So I�m coming up with a little theory of my own� Whitney got cracked out and Cissy Houston threw her ass in the back of a taxi and told the driver not to stop til they hit Betty Ford.



Ashton Kutcher Ashton Kutcher gay, strung out and stupid?

Well, not exactly. The Punk�d creator and That �70s Show star is interviewed by Brad Pitt in the latest issue of Interviewmagazine, and Pitt, asking Ashton about about the ups and downs of his new found celebrity, pokes fun at the many rumors we gossip columnists start.

Brad: What about the press? They've already said you're stupid. Have they said you're gay yet?
Ashton: I don't know if I've gotten gay.
Brad: Oh, really? You'll get there.
Ashton: Everyone assumes I'm on drugs most of the time.
Brad: I don't think I've ever gotten that one, and I usually am on drugs!

Well, I�m not quite sure what to make of that last statement, but judging from Pitt�s aloof behavior at several public appearances, I�m going to assume he�s talking about pot and leave it at that.



Reichen Burke Amazing Race winner fights back against homophobic printer

For those of you who haven�t heard this story already, let me catch you up to speed. Reichen Burke (he used to have a different last name that started with an �L� but no one could spell so, now that he�s a sometimes thespian, it�s Burke) has filed a civil suit against a California based printer who allegedly refused to continue printing Reichen�s posters because of his �homosexual lifestyle.�

Not one to take things lying down – well, at least in this case – Reichen called a press conference, slamming the printer and vowing to fight the good fight until Progressive Ventures and homophobic companies like them end the discrimination.

So one moving speech and a couple dozen flashes of those pearly whites later and Reichen had the crowd of fans at LA�s The Abbey later and fans of the hunk were ready to mount just about any campaign necessary to make sure justice is served.



Winona Ryder Winona Ryder lifting shit again?

Actually, more like Winona Ryder�s not looking twice at anything that isn�t bolted down. While attending the opening of Marc Jacobs� LA boutique, Winona made it quite clear to guests she was maintaining a hands off evening, steering clear of the racks of clothing and even refusing the ever popular �giveaway bag� at the end of the evening.

Determined to live down that nasty Saks incident of a few years ago, she was overheard joking with guests: �I checked my VISA at the door just in case.�



Vacation Swap features teen queen

And finally, it�s become something of a game of mine to try and spot the homo in the crowd when watching reality television. Sometimes it�s hard – like who�d have pegged The Real World�s Karamo as a fruit?

For those of you who haven�t had a chance to catch ABC�s Vacation Swap, I urge you to check your local listings and look for a repeat of Wednesday night�s episode. In it, the rich as hell Hawn family of Georgia sends the broke, loud and in your face Orlando family to their home in Aspen Colorado while they themselves get to spend the week in the Orlando�s trailer.

So, bless you dear little 17-year-old Joe Hawn. You and your tweezed brows, shiny lips and perky sarcasm. Upon meeting Jackie Orlando, Joe turns to the camera and says: Wow! I think she�s an even bigger drama queen than me!

Bingo!

Things get even better when, while trying to get some rest in one of three small bunks in the trailer, Joe says, �this is so not what I signed up for.�

And there you have it folks. All the high drama and fun banter I could dig up for the week. So when life is feeling low and you can�t seem to lift yourself up, just remember: One person�s gossip is another person�s pay check. – Issued by Gay Link Content

  • Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.


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    Mariah's scary [23/03/2005]

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