Hollywood Celebrity Buzz
Ross von Metze | March 17, 2005
Paris' former bitch Nick Carter fails sobriety test
Well, as much as I would love to kick off with Michael Jackson showing up to court in his jammies complaining of a backache – I mean, really. What the hell kinda cracked out shit was that? – I think I�m going to kick this one out with a road less traveled.
So, by now you probably all know how much I live for a DUI. Well let me let you in on another little secret. If there�s anything I live for more than a DUI it�s a fallen teen idol being slapped with a DUI.
Well that�s what happened March 7 when Backstreet babe and Paris Hilton�s former red carpet bitch Nick Carter failed a field sobriety test and got locked up in the drunk tank for four hours.
Carter claims he failed because of an interaction between doctor prescribed meds and a few cocktails. Yeah, that�s what we all say when we�re driving home from the club at 4am.
Carter is expected in Malaysia this weekend to perform with his fellow boys at a Tsunami relief benefit concert. The gang with then return to the states for a 13 city club tour to promote their forthcoming album, their first in five years. Of course, Nicky may actually have to postpone a show or two if he gets called as a witness at Jacko�s trial – word is his is yet another name on that ever growing list.
Eve goes gay for Showtime dramatic flick
She may be the rapper with a pair of paws on her boobies, but now, first lady of the Ruff Ryders record label Eve is adding serious actress to her resume with her forthcoming turn as an HIV positive lesbian in the Showtime flick Getting Unstuck.
Eve�s first serious turn went largely unnoticed this Christmas when she played a whistle blower out to get Kevin Bacon as a just released child molester in the grossly under-seen The Woodsman. This time around, Eve adds producer to her credit as she plays the former TV-producer of Queen LaLa�s short-lived TV talk show, a woman who overcame molestation, drugs, homelessness and HIV to become one of the most successful women in TV.
If this pays off for Eve, look for the Queen and Halle Berry to clear some space a top their �Black girls who can act for days� podium.
Kirstie criticized by fat women?
Overweight women everywhere are tossing insults left and right at Kirstie Alley�s new reality based comedy Fat Actress, saying that rather than embracing self empowerment, Alley comes off as a women so desperate to lose weight she�ll do anything. Critics of the show say it just serves to fuel futher discrimination against fat women.
The show, which in its premiere episode shows Alley having a near meltdown when her agent tells her to get skinny followed by her gorging on a cheese burger in a parking lot – followed by her agent shoving a slab of roast beef at her face. The show, which was met with lukewarm reception by critics, serves as a prequel to Alley�s latest quest – to drop 50 pounds.
And while I will readily admit right here and now that nothing is more funny to me that Kirstie Alley playing a character on the edge of sanity, there�s something just sad when the character she�s playing is herself.
Angelina Jolie: Lesbian sex expert?
Oh Angelina! We all know of Angelina Jolie�s lesbian trysts in the past, but now, she�s going on record as saying she�s something of an expert on lesbian sex.
�I absolutely love women and find them incredibly sexy,� Jolie told reporters in a European press tour. �I have loved women in the past and slept with them too. I think if you love and want to pleasure a woman, particularly if you are a woman yourself, then certainly you know how to do things in a certain way.�
And if lesbian sex doesn�t work for you, I know many a gay man who can�t wait to see her screw the hell out of Brad Pitt in their upcoming Mr. and Mrs. Smith. (Okay, maybe mostly just to see Brad half-naked, but still...)
Rosie�s Loses it on Web Blog
I�ve been saying Rosie O�Donnell�s gone off the deep end for years – pretty much ever since she came out of the closet. Well, if anyone is interested in checking out her web blog, you too can have evidence.
The one time darling of daytime TV has been off the air for just three years, and in that time she�s taken on gay marriage (Good!), sued the hell out of her magazine�s publishing company (not so good!), taken comedic stabs at Joan Rivers (Good!) and got the worst butch bob I think I�ve ever seen (On Jay Leno, she admitted a homeless man told her to fix her hair, she looked like a �dyke�).
OK, so Rosie�s on again, off again. For proof, check out her website Rosie.com for fleeting signs of the Rosie of yesterday (she�s still running Rosie�s Broadway Kids and, more recently, R Family Vacations) and some signs of the oman she�s become (featuring multi-media representations of goings on in the news and poetry on her web blog that pontificates Africa, Columbine and the cost of overpriced modern art in P-town).
So that�s all she wrote this week. Oh, and a little morsel of juicy info I picked up from a friend while I was in LA last week. Seems party hearty Charlie Sheen checked into a Burbank hotel the night before Denise Richards filed divorce papers – and he was looking a disheveled mess. But, in the loving words of In Living Color, you didn�t hear that from me.
As always, one person�s gossip is another person�s rent check. – Issued by Gay Link Content
Ross von Metzke is the Editor in Chief of Xodus Magazine and a featured columnist for GayWired.com. His work has appeared in YM, Performing Arts, The San Diego Union Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, Instinct and Gay Web Monkey. Ross lives in San Diego.
The Sheen Divorce [09/03/2004]